Post # 16
sassy411 : Okay. I just know there have been times I successfully convinced friends and times I have not. I would offer a physical escape to my apartment. Maybe I would’ve also given her fuckin nanny cam bears.
Regardless, not everyone knows what the right thing or the safe thing to do is in a precarious situation like that. I said she was there for OP, because she always was there when something would happen. We don’t even know what she might have suggested to OP.
Post # 17
I definitely agree that I had some fault in this. I should have thought not to let someone borrow the last $$ I had, but if I have to be honest, it never even occurred to me. I didn’t even think of that until it was mentioned here. I guess I still have some lessons to learn in self-preservation. I have had the habit to “overhelp”, which maybe is something I should focus on more.
I guess I decided to ask for advice because it’s also a very confusing time for me. I have a therapist and such, but it’s still been a process to be more healthy. I don’t find it “hard” to make changes, I just get super confused on when or how a situation needs to be changed.
I don’t hold my friend responsible for having ‘triggered’ me; I feel that a lot of people misunderstood me on that. What I meant is that since I felt triggered, i can’t really figure out if I’m justly upset or if it’s just that it’s a trigger. I’m trying to understand if other connections I have in my life are healthy or not, which has been very confusing. It’s new for me I guess.
I’ve been very sick this weekend too (I only get sick every few years), so I think that’s making me more emotional too lol.
@sassy411 you’re always so sweet, I appreciate you tons! 💜
Post # 18
coffeebean4444 : I’d definitely stop loaning money to people. Try to put away anything (even $20) a paycheck for emergencies. Some ways to save: eat PB&J sandwiches, ramen, and cereal for as many meals as you can. Shop at thrift stores for new clothes. Stop going out to eat. Make it a game to save as much as you can. These are all tactics I used as a poor college student. When I graduated, I was much better off than my peers. I saved enough money for an apartment down payment and to buy professional clothes for my first job. It sucks but sacrifices are worth it. One day you’ll be the one giving others financial advice.
Post # 19
Don’t loan money to anyone without expecting you might not get it returned!!! I’m sorry, but that’s how people are. If you can afford it, great, but you sound like you really can’t afford it. You need that money to survive. (I was once a very poor college student, so I feel your pain.)
I just now read the part that she is willing to bring by the money to you. Let her bring it to you. It was a shitty thing for her to do, but it sounds like she is willing to apologize.
Post # 20
lesson learned: never let people borrow money, EVER.
If you “give” someone money, that’s it. Do not plan on getting it back.
OR only let people borrow money when you have extra and they will venmo you that day. Like ‘hey i dont have any cash, Ill venmo you later can you buy me a hotdog?”
Most people wouldn’t cry over losing hot dog money.
But if that is a tough situation for you, money, then DO NOT under any circumstances let people borrow money.
I learned this lesson when I was about 16 when I bought a ‘friend’ a pair of jeans. I had to chase her for weeks to the point of where I sent her a DEMAND LETTER. It was ridiculous. And she was all, ‘so sad to lose a friend over money’. Um no b*tch you said you would pay me back and you never f*cking did. So, bye b*tch.
Thats why I have a ‘never let people ‘borrow’ money rule’. Period, end.
Post # 21
avprobeauty : I agree with you!! I never “loan” people money. I may give them some. I’ll say, “Sure I’ll buy that coffee for you, no need to pay me back.” Or, I’ll buy them lunch and say, “It’s on me. Consider it my treat.” People are so prone to “forget” to return things (jeans, money, movies, etc.).
Post # 22
lulubelle2017 : Exactly. But if the same person gets a free ride from me two times, the third time im like ‘hey want me to order movie tickets, can you venmo me?’ and then wait for them to venmo me to buy them lol I hate mooches.
Post # 23
I told her that she could bring what she was. She hasn’t answered, and I don’t think she will. I’m probably just going to end the friendship.
Maybe it’s excessive because she’s never done anything else wrong to me, and its a 4-5yr friendship (something like that). I’m not necessarily worried she’ll do something shitty again, I’m just trying to respect myself and make better choices. I’m still not sure what the right thing to do is I guess.
Post # 24
- Wedding: December 2018 - City, State
Let her bring what she has, never lend her money again (she got her fekking nails [email protected][email protected]@ when she owes you money!?)