Should I be this nervous?!

posted 6 months ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I mean….why don’t you just date for another year? What is the worst possible thing that could happen?

Post # 21
Member
930 posts
Busy bee

kaylarae02 :  Hmm, i can see how those thoughts would get to you, bc you know that 4 months isnt the ‘norm’. If you guys know then you know, and just make sure that if he seems to slow down a little, adjust to that as well so that it’s not a pressure thing. I mean, if you guys need to slow down and if you guys plan to be together forever anyway, whats a few more months or a year or so? 🙂

Post # 22
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

I totally get the feeling of ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop’. My last relationship before Fiance ended abruptly, I didn’t even see it coming. Connecting with Fiance always felt so natural but I remember telling him multiple times that I was feeling that way, he was so patient and just told me that in time I’ll realise that he really is who he claims to be… and sure enough, he really is that wonderful and we really DO connect that well. But within the first year, I couldn’t be totally sure because I’ve had guys trick me for an extended period of time. So I honestly just had to wait and see, and talk through things. Tell your boyfriend you’re feeling this way, see how he responds; does he get defensive or does he validate your feelings and talk through it with you? This is VERY important to know about someone you plan on marrying! I also had the same fears when I was waiting for Fiance to propose, and we’d been together for 2 years by then. It was just one of those irrational “too good to be true”/”I dont deserve this happiness” insecure feelings that I had to work through. 

Post # 23
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I don’t think doubt always means don’t. So while it is normal to doubt or to be cautious when taking big life decisions, I think that you should just give the two of you some more time.

I know that for some persons it works out getting married so fast, but I think that you only start to know your partner after you’ve been together for two years. But that’s just how I am, I’m a generally anxious person and need my security/stability before taking big decisions. (We were together for 5 years before getting married this march and I was still freaking out) But there are persons that are wired this way.

Post # 24
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Fh and I both knew after our second date. At the time I of course was in the, this is to good to be true a shoes is going to drop mindset. But that’s because I didn’t know him and us well enough to be fully secure. We were still in the honeymoon stage, hadn’t faced any life adversity together. All sorts of things could have happened.

We’ve been serious and talked about marriage since the very beginning of our relationship but both decided the, we have the rest of our lives, if I want to marry you now I’ll want to marry you later mindset was what we wanted. He proposed at the three year mark and I couldn’t be happier. We knew we would get married and that was our intention, so waiting three years wasn’t difficult because I wasn’t waiting, I was living and enjoying life as it is here in the present. 

The shoe dropping feeling will go away, or a shoe will drop. The only way to know is time. There’s no harm in waiting. I think getting engaged while still in the honeymoon phase creates another honeymoon phase, filled with bling and wedding planning and for me I wanted both of us to not be in a honeymoon phase but a I know all of your flaws and am choosing you place. 

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