(Closed) Should I be upset?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

Well, I don’t really want the process to be all about me.  Different personalities etc.

But, guys, ease up on the “neither of you are even engaged yet” stuff – they’re obviously engaged they’re just not calling it that because he’s planning a “proposal” – they’ve obviously agreed to get married and are planning their wedding – she has as much right/incentive to be upset about this stuff as if she already had her ring – she does have her FI’s and her own promise.

Post # 18
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My second cousin is getting married the same day as I am. We’ve only met a few times so we’re not close, but it means some of my mom’s cousins won’t come to my wedding. They felt really bad about it, but all four of us had tight schedules to plan around. My cousin who I am fairly close to is getting married six weeks after us. They got engaged and started planning first, so I felt a little bad about putting our date ahead of theirs, but again, schedules are really limiting. They’re coming to our wedding and we’re going to theirs.

Post # 19
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Since neither of you are engaged, I don’t think you have any logical reason to be upset.  You really do just get one day.  Her getting married the month before or after you will not affect your wedding or marriage in the least.  It’s not a race.

I got engaged at the beginning of 2009 and my date for Sept.  One of my besties and bmaids got engaged that July and set her date for this past 4th weekend.  Another good friend of ours got engaged this Jan and is getting married in August.  None of us are upset about it.  In fact, we are all really excited to be able to share the experience of planning our weddings together.  It’s a positive thing, and we;ll always share it.  We joke about it – it’s our Wedding Triathalon.

She’s not stealing anything from you.  You can choose to see this as a really fun, flattering, exciting thing to share as friends.  it will be better for everyone involved if you do.

Post # 21
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think it’s really generous of her to stay out of ‘your’ month!

Maybe if you focus on sharing her joy, you’ll worry less about what everyone will think. The important thing is, afterall, that you’re both getting married to the men you love. What better thing is there to share?!

Post # 22
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I agree with the PP, I’m sure in the end it will all work out wonderfully, and you’ll be glad you have someone to share the planning experience with.

Post # 23
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Sorry double post

Post # 24
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Well Triple post. Lol.

Post # 25
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

sure, you’ve chosen a date and plan to be engaged but who knows if it will happen that day.  what if your favorite venue is not available on 11.11.11 since many couples want that date as well.  don’t be a pre-bridezilla or a bridezilla.  regardless of her wedding date, your wedding will be about you and your husband.  no thunder is being stolen….

Post # 26
Member
1295 posts
Bumble bee

@diva81esq:  I can understand how you feel but at least it’s the month b4 or after and not the week before.  Just try and be as happy for her as she will be for you.  You’ll still have your moment a whole month of you time to shine.  Maybe this way you guys can plan your wedding together and it can possible bring you even closer.

Post # 27
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I just have to say, I got engaged before my BFF and she got married a month before me, but I was super excited because planning together was so much fun and less stressful!  Embrace it and celebrate together!!  It really is nice having someone go through planning and stress together cause she’ll totally understand where you’re coming from!

Post # 28
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@Arachna:

But, guys, ease up on the “neither of you are even engaged yet” stuff – they’re obviously engaged they’re just not calling it that because he’s planning a “proposal” – they’ve obviously agreed to get married and are planning their wedding – she has as much right/incentive to be upset about this stuff as if she already had her ring – she does have her FI’s and her own promise.

Not really.   In my mind, you’re either engaged or you’re not.  There’s no “engaged to be engaged” or “engaged but still waiting on the proposal.” These boards are full of posts from waiting bees whose SO’s have given them deadline after deadline, yet they’re still waiting for their rings. Sh**t happens.  There’s a reason people don’t go around putting down deposits and sending out save the dates before their SO’s propose.   My SO told me he wants to marry me next year, I’m not going around telling people I’m engaged though, because I’m not. 

I’m not saying the OP should doubt her SO’s commitment to her or his promise that a proposal will be forthcoming.  I’m just saying that it’s a bit premature to start getting bent out of shape because her friend, who’s also not engaged yet, wants to have her wedding a month before or after her.  There’s just too many variables to act as if these two dates are set in stone, sure fire things.

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