(Closed) Should I be upset?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
9630 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

well while i understand where you are coming from, remember it is up to her, not you, even though she had over a year. And while the money is being borrowed from friends and family (she possibly can’t afford it on her own) to attend your wedding, she is still attending your wedding 🙂 so yes your other bridesmaids can afford it, but she can not. her behaviour at the shower would be the only thing that is legitimate cause for concern.

Enjoy your special day with your cousin 🙂

Post # 4
Member
2287 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

It is not your responsibility to pay for her way. If you had the money to spare that would be a nice gesture on your part, but she’s an adult and she’s had notice to come up with the money. I would ask her if she still wants to be a bridesmaid and make it clear that you have a wedding and honeymoon to finance and won’t be able to pay her portion.

Post # 5
Member
7753 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sorry but I have some sympathy with her. When you have a destination wedding (which is very expensive to attend), I think it is reasonable if BMs cut back in other areas. She didn’t socialise at the bridal shower, so she either doesn’t know the other BMs or doesn’t get on with them. So if she goes to the bachelorette she’ll probably be miserable anyway. It sounds to me like it would be better for both of you if she didn’t go.

Post # 6
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I would be kind of upset, but that being said your wedding will never as important to others as it is to you

Post # 7
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Are bridesmaids supposed to be paying for the priveledge of being in weddings now? A bachelorette party shouldn’t be mandatory attendance for anyone. Each of your girls chose what they were willing and able to contribute. Are you sure the others didn’t tell her what she needed to put in without consulting her? Also, if she doesn’t know people, she may not socialize. That’s how many people are. 

Also “When I was choosing my bridal party I did not automatically include her as I know she is very irresponsible and never has any money.” perhaps this is part of the reason why she isn’t bending over backwards to please you? Even if she doesn’t know you’re saying this about her to a bunch of strangers, she may have an inkling that you have some sort of negative feelings toward her. Have you complained to the other girls about her? If so, maybe that’s why she wasn’t socializing as much, and why she was scrutinizing the shower costs. Maybe they’re excluding her.

Short answer: No, you shouldn’t be involved with where her money comes from. You should understand that a bachelorette party is a luxury, not a requirement. Not everyone can afford it, or even wants to attend one. And since you asked, no, I don’t think you should be upset with her.

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