(Closed) Should I be upset? FMIL wearing white to rehearsal

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s not a big deal, it’s just the rehearsal.  Are you really getting married in Jan 2013?  I wonder why she is planning her rehearsal attire now.

Post # 4
Member
2693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

Usually my responses to questions like these are of the unpopular opinion “yes, I definitely think you have the right to be upset”, while I think most people would agree to just choose your battles and let her do it.  I just have such a huge problems with FMILs doing crap like this.  I read when I first got engaged that etiquette says for bridal showers, engagement parties, and rehearsal dinners, people shoud avoid wearing white/cream out of respect for the bride, as tehse occasions most brides like to wear white or cream colors because it’s the only time they get to do so!  What does your Fiance say about his mom doing this?  It seems kind of a low-blow, especially since she didn’t ask you.  Do you get along with her?  Is she a steal-the-spotlight kind of person?

Post # 5
Member
5786 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

The people attending your rehearsal dinner know who the bride is, I say let her wear whatever she wants. My Maid/Matron of Honor wore white to my rehearsal and I didn’t think anything of it.

Post # 6
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’d be irritated.  I mean, just don’t wear white.  Not that hard.  Hopefully people wouldn’t confuse you two at the rehearsal dinner…..why would they be there?  It would bother me, but I’m not sure it’d be worth the battle.  People will know it’s ridiculous and they’ll make their own judgements.

Post # 8
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Honestly, I don’t think its a huge deal, but I DO think you have a right to be upset…she clearly knows that she shouldn’t be doing this and she’s going ahead and doing it anyways…I’m a big proponent of nobody wearing white to any wedding-related event unless it’s the bride.

 

Post # 9
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My Mother-In-Law wore the top half of a wedding dress to my wedding. Pissed doesn’t even begin to cover it. I’d advise you to pick your battles, though, like in any relationship.

Post # 11
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Mars62312:  “People will know it’s ridiculous and they’ll make their own judgements.”


This.  This is why I always advise to avoid the battle with the Future Mother-In-Law – they will be the one that looks like an idiot, not you.

Post # 12
Member
2693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

@anon122601:  Yeah…and becasue she seems a little self-centered and wants to be the center of attention, I’d be less inclined to just “go with it”.  I can’t stand people like that and hate to drop things and just let them get their way.  I think it’s like rewarding a toddlers bad behavior.  To me, it also shows that she doesn’t have as much respect for you and your rehearsal dinner as she should.  I think it’s out of line. I put myself in her position and I can’t imagine ever considering wearing white/cream to my future DILs rehearsal or bridal shower.  It’s just not done.  Everyone knows that.

Post # 13
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Who’s coming to rehearsal dinner?  If it’s all your close friends and relatives…they probably know who’s the bride.  I would let it slide.  IF she plans on wear white on your wedding day, I would then confront her. 

I have seen this in a recent wedding.  One of the groomman’s Girlfriend (I am not kidding you) wore a flower girl dress in adult size to the wedding ceremony and reception.  She was all dolled up and stuff and didn’t realize it’s probably not too nice to wear plain white/cream color dress.  I don’t think the bride cared much but some guest must have told the gal so she and her Boyfriend or Best Friend apologized to the couple later on that day.  The gal was almost in tears…

I will give your Future Mother-In-Law the benefit of the doubt that she might not know it’s inappropriate.  If you care so much about the color, then I would let her know.  But if you don’t, just let her be.  I doubt she can outshine you for your big day anyways 🙂

And like I said before, nobody ever succeed in stealing spotlights from the bride.  If anything, people will just talk behind her back.  (I have seen it myself a few times).  So no worries!

Post # 15
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

I would assume whoever is at the rehearsal should know who you are and will not confuse you with your Future Mother-In-Law.

It’s the rehearsal, not the wedding, I don’t think it’s a big deal.

If she is the AW type, then people will recognize that and roll their eyes at her.

Post # 16
Member
2163 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@anon122601:  I think someone else wearing white to anything relative to YOUR wedding is insulting. At my own, not even the flower girl will wear white. Very rude! I think you should speak to her about it…her days came and went, now it’s your turn. 

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