(Closed) Should I Be Upset? I (the Bride) am asked to pay for my entire Bachlorette Party

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Whoa! That seems a little extreme to me. I mean, I understand paying for your travel expenses, and even splitting the hotel, but they should at least pay for dinner and the show! And why are you paying for their dresses? I paid for hair, we all did our own makeup, but they paid for their dresses

Post # 4
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wow. You’re paying for their dresses, hair and makeup? That’s very generous.

While I’m not of the opinion that the bridesmaids must pay for the bride’s portion of the bachelorette party, they did tell you that they were going to cover those things and now want money for them. That’s really unfortunate.

If I were you, I’d just pay what they’re asking and then not pay for their hair and makeup, unless I’d already told them that I was going to.

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

Yes, you have every right to be upset. The bride is a guest of honor at her bachelorette party. It is the responsibility of the bridesmaids, no one else, to pay for it. You have no obligation whatsoever to pay for any of it, nor should you. If they aren’t willing to foot the bill, then they have to scale back to something they are willing to pay for themselves.

Post # 6
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

If I were you, I would just pay it regarldess of what I thought was fair. Because it’s more important to be in good graces with your friends than to be out a few hundred dollars. They shouldn’t have said they would ‘cover you’ if they didn’t mean it, but honestly if you hadn’t agreed on every expense ahead of time it would have been fair to expect a bill at the end. Also, maybe they did intend to cover you but it turned out to be way more expensive than they anticipated which would make sense.

Post # 7
Member
2216 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Did you want your party in Vegas?  Or did your bridesmaids just plan it?  If they planned it, it would seem like just an excuse for them to get out and party.

The bride hasn’t been “allowed” to pay anything at any of the parties I’ve gone to.

I’m sorry you’re in this situation 🙁

Post # 8
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

And I agree with others – I think you should probably rethink paying for their hair and makeup as long as you haven’t already told them you are covering it.

Post # 9
Member
3378 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think asking you to pay after the fact is unreasonable, especially if you were led to believe it was their treat.  Vegas is an expensive trip, but it sounds like you already paid for a lot of your costs on your own.  It sounds like you are being very generous, and I wouldn’t fault you for feeling put out – I would talk to them just to clarify.

Post # 9
Member
3167 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

that’s pretty crappy that they said one thing and did another. i would probably call up the one that said you were covered and in a lighthearted way ask her what the deal is – what happened? maybe someone had a falling out and it wasnt financially feasible, who knows. i’d pay it, of course, but i’d still want to know what changed and if there are any other similar changes in the pipeline that i should be prepared for. as for the gifts, i’d probably be miffed and want to scale back (hair & makeup for instance), but it seems like you’ve already gotten them their gifts so i’d just continue with what you had planned (which is very generous btw!)

Post # 10
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I can say from the Maid/Matron of Honor perspective, we did an in-town bachelorette party and we covered the bride. But it was extremely stressful until we got out on the town – I had someone literally flake out on me at the last minute, which would have put me out $100+ since she hadn’t paid up (sounds trivial $-wise, but I was in school, so not..). Fortunately someone intervened and she showed up.

It’s hard to say from the details what happened with your BMs – if one spoke up before the others had determined they could cover you, or if it ended up being more expensive than they thought. There’s no justifying either one of those, but it’s late now…

If money is looking tight, I’d let them know in advance you can no longer do hair/makeup, and explain that some unexpected expenses have made it hard (or don’t offer if you haven’t already). Otherwise, if it was me, I wouldn’t refuse to pay for the trip. And I’d ask while paying if I needed to account for the shower (and deal with that answer as it came).

Post # 10
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I would pay for it, just to not start a fuss, but then I would tell them months later closer to the wedding that they will have to pay for their own hair and makeup. That way it seems unrelated. I think that is fair.

Post # 11
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I might be a little passive agressive, but I might respond by saying “Sorry, I guess we got our signals crossed.  I thought it was taken care of, but I’ll send you a check”.  Also, if it’s now out of your budget (and you haven’t promsied it) I wouldn’t pay for their hair.

On a (much) lesser scale, I went to the salon with 2 of my Bridesmaid or Best Man for a hair trial, and talk to them about makeup.  I said I wanted eyelashes, and the woman told me it woudl cost more, which I agreed to.  My Bridesmaid or Best Man then said she wanted them to….but I’m paying.  I don’t want to get in the position where I’m buying all the girls fake eyelashes along with the hair and makeup I’m paying for.  Don’t know what to do; probably should just talk to her.

I think it’s lousy you have to go through this 🙁  Hopefully she’ll realize her error.

Post # 12
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Just dont pay for their hair and makeup and that will kinda balance out. I think paying for their dresses was very generous of you, you shoudl have made them pay for it themselves

Post # 12
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Just dont pay for their hair and makeup and that will kinda balance out. I think paying for their dresses was very generous of you, you shoudl have made them pay for it themselves

Post # 13
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have to agree with a PP and ask who planned to have it in vegas. If it was the bride’s idea to have it there then yes I can see where there would be some confusion. If it were the Bridesmaid or Best Man then everything should have been stated up front who was responsible for what before the trip was even finalized.

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