Post # 1
So my DHs friend invited us to his January 2018 wedding in November 2017. He asked DH to be a groomsman. I was a little annoyed because of the short notice and we would have to fly to attend one week after another trip we had schduled. We never received a formal invite in the mail or online. He just verbally asked DH to attend. I was a little hesistant to purchase the plane tickets and book our hotel without a formal invite, but DH insisted. His friend was in our wedding a few months back and flew up for that and DHs bachelor party so we wanted to support him for his big day.
Fast forward to a couple of days before Christmas. DH gets a text from his friend saying that him and his fiance decided to elope instead and have a private ceremony on the beach and small dinner afterwards with family. We already spent $387 per plane ticket. I was livid. I was able to cancel our hotel reservation but we will lose $200 per ticket to change them. Thankfully we have another wedding in march we can apply the remianing credit towards our flight there.
Their ceremony is this weekend. My question is, should we even send them a gift? We are already out $400. What is the right thing to do? Just send a card? Or be petty and send a text? lol
Post # 2
they sound pretty inconsiderate , I personally wouldn’t bother sending a gift but maybe a card saying congrats and that’s about it! Don’t stoop to their level and send a text be the better person!
Post # 3
Ouch that is rough.
I would send a nice card…definitely no gift.
Post # 4
I would send a card to congratulate them and nothing else. They seem like exceptionally poor planners. I’m sure you’re not the only ones who will be losing money due to their thoughtlessness.
Post # 5
Nice card, no gift. How inconsiderate of them and frustrating for you.
Post # 6
Definitely no gift. A card is up to you…I would make that decision based on how petty I was feeling that day. Did they even apologize for all of this hassle? If not…boy bye.
Post # 7
Don’t you DARE send a gift! I’m so pissed for you!
Post # 8
I’d send a card and not think about it anymore.
Post # 9
do not send them a gift. If they ask (which they won’t), tell them funds were reallocated elsewhere but you wish them all the best!
Post # 10
I think a card is sufficient since you’re out $400. Unless you normally gift over $400, I wouldn’t bother.
Post # 11
He said sorry in his text. No acknowledgment of the money loss or impact to his guest.
Mind you it was a group text that DH wasn’t originally on. It was forwarded to him from another person…
Post # 12
That was very inconsiderate of them. I’d say just mail a card, no gift!
Post # 13
I wouldn’t send a gift for sure and I’d also be fuming! Id have to make a point of letting them know that their decision had cost me money too.They may assume you hadn’t spent anything yet so I’d deffo be putting that straight. Anyone half decent would apologise and reimburse you
Post # 14
OMG NO. So the groom didn’t bother to tell one of his groomsmen that they were changing all of this? I would be beside myself. If it were me (mind you, I’m an asshole), I would not send anything, not even an acknowledgment of their marriage.
Post # 15
I don’t know. I see why you are mad. What does your husband think about this?
On the other hand, his friend made the effort to fly to your husbands bachelor and your wedding? And I assume he gave you a wedding gift?
When you think about it, if the friend had gone ahead with the wedding you were expecting, you’d be “out” that airfare anyway since you would be flying to attend right?
I think not sending a gift in this case will nuke the friendship. If your husband wishes to remain friends, I’d opt for a card and gift. But I would also encourage him to speak to his friend and explain the disappointment and financial impact of the non-refundable airfare.
If this friend has a history of being thoughtless and inconsiderate, and your husband is alright with letting the friendship die, I’d go with a nice card.