(Closed) Should I bother sending a gift?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
691 posts
Busy bee

If you will not be attending the ceremony, then there is no need to send a gift. In this particular situation, I would not worry about following correct etiquette. I cannot believe someone could be so inconsiderate. 

Post # 32
6123 posts
Bee Keeper

Wow. I’d be pissed. Glad it was waived. Nice card should be good. 

Post # 33
14030 posts
Honey Beekeeper

It would have been completely appropriate to let him know you suffered the penalty so that he could offer to reimburse you. I’m glad you managed to get it waived.

It’s not, however, rude in and of itself to cancel a larger wedding.  Substituting a tiny, intimate family only event does not count in the etiquette world as being uninvited. Likewise it isn’t rude to plan a last minute wedding as long as you know people may not be able to attend. 

I suppose it’s possible with the way he plans his own life that he didn’t realize you’d already booked. What was incredibly rude and inconsiderate was not actively checking with you to make sure you were not out any money and not apologizing to you personally to this moment.

The real question is not about a gift but whether this is the kind of friend you want in your lives. At the very least you will know not to rely on him or put yourselves out in the future. 

Post # 34
617 posts
Busy bee

Wow I would be angry too. Did your DH tell him you’d booked flights? If you elope I don’t think you would be expecting gifts anyway. A card would be generous considering what they did to you! 😆

Post # 35
3804 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Oh how lovely of Delta!

But still… horribly inconsiderate of the friend. And he didn’t even tell your DH directly?? What if you guys were never told and went ahead with the trip only to find no wedding??

Call me petty but I’d also just do a card… 

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