Post # 1
The reason I am asking is because my inlaws said they would just get to the location the day of the wedding and I said that there would probably be a rehearsal dinner with our families the night before and they just kind of looked at me funny. I have gone to weddings with his family so I know they know there is typically a dinner the night before.
They have not offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner, but said that the weekend after the wedding, they want to host a dinner with Fiance and I and his siblings. Fiance asked them who would be at this dinner and they said just their family and Fiance and I. It’s not like going out to dinner with them is a rare and really special occasion, but they mentioned this dinner specifically to celebrate the wedding.
I don’t understand why they wouldn’t just host the rehearsal dinner. Why would they have their own dinner, but exclude my family? It just seems really rude, especially when my parents are helping pay for quite a bit of the wedding.
They haven’t really shown any interest in our wedding at all or even meeting my family. I seriously think they will meet for the first time on the day of the wedding. And now it seems like they’d rather just have their own celebration. My parents have offered to host the rehearsal dinner too, but I’m not sure I want my Future In-Laws there since they are acting this way.
Post # 2
If you have a rehearsal, then yes, you should have a dinner for everyone who participated. It sounds like you aren’t having a rehearsal? No rehearsal then no rehearsal dinner needed 🙂
It’s too bad that they aren’t more involved and don’t seem interested in meeting your family or the wedding, but it isn’t their responsibility to host the rehearsal, that’s actually on the bride and groom. Having a private family dinner after the wedding doesn’t seem rude. However, you do have the right to feel upset and disappointed.
Post # 3
No one is required to pay anything for your wedding except you. If you want a rehersal dinner, host one yourself. If you don’t do a rehersal, you don’t need a dinner.
Post # 4
rebeccasum: No one is required to host anything for YOUR wedding.
Post # 5
rebeccasum: You ILs are not required to pay for your rehearsal dinner. Perhaps the reason they haven’t offered is that they can’t afford it. It is considered to rude have your family and bridal party show up for a rehearsal and not provide them a meal. There’s no rule that says it has to be over the top, plenty of people to BBQ or pizza….but you should do something.
My brother and SIL did not have a rehearsal because the bride’s parents refused to particiate. They’re strange and it came as no surprise. It wasn’t a big deal because they didn’t do a rehearsal (they had no attendants and it was a small wedding).
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2017 - Ocean front
I am having an intimate wedding (ceremony and reception in same venue with only 65-75 guests w a small wedding party too (two on each side) so for the rehearsal dinner…would only us and our wedding party go, along with our parents?
I honestly hadnt thought of who would attend!? 🙂
Post # 7
I was agreeing with PP until I got to the part about them having to meet your parents for the first time on your wedding day. It stinks they wouldnt want to at least include them so that they would have a chance to meet.
Post # 8
I know that the stock answer is that no one is obligated to pay for anything. Having said that, given that there is a strong tradition of rehearsal dinners being hosted by the groom’s family, I think it would be fine for the grooom to have a chat with his parents.
He can ” clarify whether or not you plan to host the rehearsal dinner, as it seems from our last conversation that you had either fogotten about it or chose not to host and forgotten to tell ___ and I. We need to know so that we can host our wedding party if you are not going to.”
Post # 9
I will echo PP’s and say that if you are choosing to have a rehearsal for your bridal party, you should host a dinner (no matter how casual) – your in laws are not obligated to pay for this dinner. It’s also fine if you aren’t planning to have a rehearsal at all, then no need for a dinner!
We are not having a rehearsal because our wedding is a Friday afternoon, so our rehearsal would have to been Wednesday or Thursday and everyone in our bridal party would need to take even more time off of work/school to attend. It will be a very simple ceremony, and the processional is not all that difficult to figure out, especially with a small bridal party (3 BM/3 GM) so we are just going to have the guys and girls walk through it when we get to the venue 2 hours before ceremony time 🙂
Post # 10
Wait, are you saying it’s rude that they aren’t hosting a rehearsal dinner? If so, take a step back and remember that no one owes their hard earned money.
If you are having a rehearsal, yes, you should have a dinner (even if your in laws aren’t paying).
Post # 11
Traditionally the groom’s parents throw the rehearsal dinner because typically the bride’s parents are the ones paying for most of the wedding.
No need to be rude especially when it is a known tradition.
Post # 12
rebeccasum: Perhaps they think it’s weird because they said they planned on coming on the day of the wedding, not the day before. They may have thought you were dropping hints that they should pay for an even they weren’t planning on attending. It’s too bad they chose not to help out, but it’s not a requirement, even if it is traditional.
Incidentally, my husband’s parents didn’t pay for our rehearsal dinner either – we didn’t ask and they didn’t offer. They did decide to do the next day’s brunch, though. Also they didn’t meet my family until two days before the wedding. Nor did my family or theirs make any attempt to meet prior to that. Oh, and the day we all arrived in town, husband and I ate dinner with my family, then took off (with my sister in tow) to a different restaurant where his family was eating. Never occurred to any parties involved that there was a problem with keeping the families seperate for a meal. They all got along fantastically when they did meet. Not everyone is traditional and not everyone sees a problem with doing something a bit different. Don’t let it worry you!
Last of all, yes if you have a rehearsal, get everyone a meal. It can be simple like pizza, no need to go nuts.
Post # 13
I was suggesting skipping the rehearsal altogether. When I first mentioned that there would probably be a rehearsal dinner the night before, they had said they weren’t planning on coming until the day of. I was planning on having a rehearsal so everyone would know what they are what was going on the day of, but they have made it pretty clear that they don’t even want to attend. This was really important to me since I don’t want them to meet my family for the first time the day of the wedding. The point I was trying to make with the dinner was that while they don’t HAVE to pay for anything, why would they refuse to attend a dinner with both families and just have their own. They wouldn’t even have to pay for it, just attend. Why not offer to pay for their half or something?
Post # 14
Please don’t spend other peoples money. They didnt want to pay for it, and that’s fine.
You don’t need a rehersal. Just gather everyone up before hand and tell them how you’d like it to go. If you have a DOC they can also do this.
What difference will it make if they meet on the day of? It really won’t affect you much at all.
Post # 15
Maybe they are nervous about meeting your parents during rehearsal dinner? I suggest introducing the parents at least a few weeks before the wedding. Do something simple and invite other relatives to make everyone more comfortable. Maybe this will change their mind about the rehearsal dinner if they already know reach other. As far as paying for rehearsal dinner, they really don’t have to offer to pay for it, or even their half.