(Closed) Should I bother with a rehearsal dinner?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 19
Member
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

rebeccasum:  Because they’re cheap?

I know the standard answer around here is no one is obligated to host anything for your wedding, and this is true. However, as a parent, I give their behavior the side-eye. My daughter’s ILs flew up from Louisiana to meet us the year before the wedding, and they hosted a great rehearsal dinner. You future ILs are obviously not looking to spend money or make much of an effort. It’s the way some people are, and you’ll just have to deal with it.

Post # 21
Member
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

rebeccasum:  If you want to have a dinner, then do it. Simply state that the ILs can’t come, no elaboration needed. It will be their loss, and your Fiance will just have to deal with it. 

Post # 22
Member
429 posts
Helper bee

rebeccasum:  Hopefully they will change their mind as it gets closers to your wedding. My FI’s parents do not plan to come to the rehearsal dinner as well. But I’m hoping they’ll change their mind. Regardless, we will still have the dinner as our bridal party will be there. 

Post # 23
Member
265 posts
Helper bee

rebeccasum:  In my opinion that totally sucks and is selfish to host a wedding related event with no consideration to those actually getting married. And everyone on this site is a stickler for etiquette…..but not when it suits the bride….not sure why. Not sure why the common first responders are always like “YOU need to PAY for everything and even wanting otherwise is entitled!” Uh hello these are families….families are involved in weddings and kick some cash when they can, to contribute. It’s what families do when they can. 

Well etiquette dictates that if the bride’s parents are footing the bill for the wedding, the groom’s parents should foot the bill for the rehearsal dinner. 

Obv if they don’t want to, they don’t have to pay for squat. I would suggest you have your Fiance approach his parents and say “hey mom, dad, brides parents have contributed a lot and it hurts our feelings that you won’t even attend the rehearsal dinner or meet her parents. It would mean a lot to us both if you would put your best foot forward and attend. As for the other event for which you will be paying…can we maybe not do that and have the funds go toward this dinner instead?”

I mean it’s his parents. He has a right to ask. They could totally go “LMAO no effing way, we’re doing what we wanna do.” But if it were my parents, I’d be straight up with them. Just like I was when I asked for a bike, for braces, a car, a prom dress…whatever. They can make the decision from there! 

Good luck bridey. 

Post # 24
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Is there by chance some concern about being there overnight the night before the wedding?  Obviously they are coming from some other location.  Some older people just want to sleep in their own bed and aren’t comfortable having to meet new people in an environment that requires them to small talk or interact a great deal.  It really does sound like they aren’t comfortable with strangers.   Have FH ask them respectfully if they have obstacles to coming in the night before. 

Post # 27
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

KareKoosh:  

Well etiquette dictates that if the bride’s parents are footing the bill for the wedding, the groom’s parents should foot the bill for the rehearsal dinner. 

Wrong. Tradition dictates this. It also dictates a dowry. Tradition =/= etiquette.

Post # 28
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee

rebeccasum:  They sound odd. Is it a money thing??? Maybe they just can’t afford to host the Rehearsal Dinner or don’t want to spend $$$ on it? 

So assume you are paying for it yourself and plan accordingly. Let them know what you are planning (to have a Rehearsal Dinner, hosted yourselves) and invite them. 

Unless you don’t want a RD? I agree though that if you are having a reshearsal and asking people to take off work/come to town to participate, it’s kind of crappy not to feed them a dinner. Doesn’t have to be fancy and you don’t have to spend a lot… I’ve been to many RDs that are casual without speeches and with cheap food. That’s fine! And you only have to invite the people that are actually needed at the rehearsal (and usually parents and siblings). 

How do you feel, you want a RD? 

My husbands parents are broke so we just planned our Rehearsal Dinner as if we were paying ourselves. They contributed 50% of the cost in the end, which was also their wedding present to us. 

Post # 30
Member
265 posts
Helper bee

scissorgirl:  thanks for the specifics. The point being, it is considered appropriate and the bride is justified in her feelings. 

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