(Closed) Should I break off engagement?

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I don’t know…I would be hesitant to make plans to move across the country 2 years into your job. What if you absolutely love it? 

Please don’t send a letter in response to his grandma. She is probably halfway crazy and I wouldn’t waste my time or energy on the drama of it. 

In short, if you guys were planning a life in California, I wouldn’t be worried about his family. But it sounds like he wants to be close to his family, and I personally would not sign on for that. 

Post # 3
Member
3306 posts
Sugar bee

I wouldn’t respond to the letter! How do you know the drama from your in-laws would stop once you moved to the east where they want you to be? I get the feeling they would meddle even more…

Post # 4
Member
295 posts
Helper bee

I wouldn’t respond to the letter and I also wouldn’t break off the engagement. Family is always gunna be tough for in laws, and I wouldn’t stress too much. It will all work out. 

Post # 5
Member
1647 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Working through with a tough family is worth it if you want to be married to this guy! And also, you never know if things can change – they sometimes do. Don’t respond to the letter and talk it out with your fiance. You say your day to day life is great, why throw that out for a hypothetical worry?

Post # 6
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I know he wants to move back East (is giving me ~2 years at my new job before moving).

He’s giving you 2 years? Why is it his decision? If you’re going to have a good marriage, you need to be able to talk decisions through together and make plans as a team that will benefit both of you.

I drafted a very diplomatic response to her that FH is begging me not to send, and he just shrugged at the letter and was not concerned/doesn’t want to rock the boat.

Did he say anything to let you know he disagrees with his grandmother? From your words above, it sounds like he is not supporting you when his family member says rude or insulting things to you – is that the case, or does he just think his grandmother is old and crotchety and does this sort of thing with other people?

Post # 7
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

What about what you want? Do you want to move back East?

I would ignore the letter from the Grandma, she sounds like a loony, and either way, it was inappropiate of her to send you that letter and to attempt to interfere into private matters between you and your Fiance. I would not reply to it, but I would ask to the Fiance to take care of it. Is his family not yours. If it was my Fiance I’d expect him to go and talk to the Granny (and the rest of the family if needed) and ask them to leave me alone and leave me out of their dramas. He’s made his decision to marry you but you need to make sure he will have your back when dramas like this ensue. I would not break the engagement off, rather talk it out with the Fiance and ask him to support you and set boundaries with his family.

Post # 8
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2016

lesmis:  Ugh sorry to hear that- how rude of the grandma! I would not send a reply back to her, as she’s probaby just a trouble-maker trying to stir the pot. As for your man, I’m surprised he seemed to shurg such a rude letter off. I feel it should bother him, and he should stick up for you or at least say something about it so you aren’t left defending yourself.

I agree in-laws can be challenging, but they’re also part of the deal when you marry. They’ll be around for holidays and important moments, and you’ll be expected to interact with them. My brother actually just broke up with his Girlfriend of 3 years partly because he mother is crazy and always treated my brother horribly. His Girlfriend never took it seriously, and my brother got sick of it. Not saying you should end your engagement, but sit down and have a serious talk about the family issue..using the kindest words possible while still getting your point across.

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