(Closed) Should I break off my engagement?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I break off my engagement?

    Yes, run fast!

    No, there may still be hope!

    Other, Please Explain.

  • Post # 198
    Member
    1686 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    View original reply
    @mckernae:  Exactly this

    Post # 199
    Member
    1063 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    so the message is out now, you need to run out of there like the house is on fire cept even FASTER!

    Look in your area for services for woman who have been abused. Often times you can get counseling and legal help, like with your house own together. If you can find one agency that deals with that, just reach out to them and they are connected to others and can point you in the right direction. I think back up will help, and as you mentioned sometimes the support of people that don’t know you is good.

    Post # 200
    Member
    470 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    First, you need to leave and find out where you are going to live. Second, speak to a lawyer about the house. When you are out and safe then you can think about the warning signs and see a counselor to talk about it all so you heal emotionally.

    Honestly, every minute you are in that house with him is a minute too long and you have already told him that you are leaving so another incident could occur when he realizes that you are making plans to leave. Nothing material that you leave behind is worth your life.

    Post # 201
    Member
    506 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    He sounds insane, and you are NOT A FAILURE. Get out fast, he wasn’t even willing to talk. I would move out asap.

    Post # 202
    Member
    1152 posts
    Bumble bee

    I have nothing to say. Just lots of hugs. Hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs. :’S

    Post # 203
    Member
    207 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    My mouth dropped open when I read this. I am so so sorry that you have gone through such a terrible thing that sounds like it came out of nowhere. I guess the most important thing I would want to say to you is please don’t blame yourself at all. I read your update, and I can’t believe that you were told you may have egged it on (I haven’t read all the other posts.) There is NOTHING you could have said or done to deserve that horrific treatment. I would have done the same thing if my fiance refused to talk to me about important issues, anyone would have. His behavior is completely inexcusable and so scary. Don’t even think twice that you contributed to that at all. That behavior would have just come out another time.

    It was so smart of you to document your injuries by taking pictures. You might also want to write down what happened for further documentation. I hope you get to the point soon where you can tell your family to get the support you need, and I’m glad you were able to open up to your friend. If you are scared at all, maybe you can stay with a friend or family member who knows what is going on. Also, if you ever find yourself remembering the good times and missing him, that’s completely normal. It sounds like that hasn’t happened so far, but after eight years, that wouldn’t be so strange if it happened. I also hope that you’ll reach out to a counseling center (most domestic violence centers offer free counseling and support groups) to help heal from what you went through because that wasn’t a trivial thing that happened to you. And please rely on the bee if you need us too 🙂 You sound smart and strong. I’ll be thinking of you!

    Post # 204
    Member
    2446 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    RUN!!!!! But call the police first and file a restraining order against the asshole.

    Post # 205
    Member
    5148 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2010

    I know you already have 6 pages of responses but I did not even finish reading your post before I was hitting the “Run Fast!” option. What an abusive, contemptuous, and disrespectful asshole. I do not say this lightly, but he could have killed you with one of those strikes to the face and the like. And then to ask why you were not at work and be smug about it? Fvck him!

    Do not blame yourself. Do not let this lower your self esteem. Find some confidence and strength in the fact that you are going to remove yourself from this situation. 

    Go to counseling and in counseling you can hash out all the issues that brought you and kept you with this guy, but for now, just get out. I would recommend contacting a shelter or abuse hotline to find out best way to leave and how to deal with the housing situation. They may have recommendations about restraining orders, orders for exclusive occupation of home, and so on.

    Aside from that, I just wanted to send some virtual hugs. I can only imagine how terrifying, painful and confusing this all must be. I am so proud of you, even though I do not know you in the least, for taking care of yourself.

    Post # 206
    Member
    2050 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    View original reply
    @courageous1:  You asked a couple times if there were signs of this kind of behavior before. I’m sure if you look closely at things you considered quirks or “just the way he is” you’d find them. As mentioned before, I was in a similar relationship. My ex was very controlling. He wouldn’t even let me change the dial on the radio in the car to a different radio station. He had a particular routine when we went shopping where I always had to walk in front of him and the cart at the grocery store, and we would have to move at a certain pace. He would get angry if I was too slow. He would insist I get out of the car in the middle of the street instead of dropping me off somewhere that was safe at the curb so it was more convenient for him. He would walk beside me with his hand on the back of my neck, very controlling behavior. There’s more but you get the idea. I hope this can shed some light on your experiences with him to again find more clarity of why you should run, run, run away. Best wishes to you.

    Post # 207
    Member
    385 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    OP I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I think you are a strong woman and you’re making the decision that is best for you. Good luck sweetie & stay strong. 

    Also, can someone please explain to me why people are so rude and immediately call bs on a post just because the bee is new, the post is controversial, or the OP takes a while to reply? I mean I know some people are super douchey and love to troll but c’mmon! To me, this post seemed so real and sincere. I could feel the OP’s anguish just by reading this. 

    Seriously,  that’s why I don’t even want to start threads or reply for fear of being insulted or called fake. 

    Post # 208
    Member
    413 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    Um I hope you are joking when you are even contemplating staying…you need to leave fast and that should be a pretty easy decision to make.

    Post # 209
    Member
    49 posts
    Newbee

    Leave! I am so scared for you and so sorry. Please get help!

    Post # 210
    Member
    8 posts
    Newbee

    GET OUT. GET OUT NOW. NOW!

    I am so sorry this has happened to you, but this WILL happen again. The fact he is capable of this means you have to get out now. This is more than you deserving better, your physical and mental health and future safety depends on you leaving. I don’t know if you’re planning to have kids, but if you are, he may lash out on them one day as well. DO NOT trap yourself in this situation. PLEASE. Tell your mother and family what really happened ASAP. When he is at work, get your family to help you move your stuff out so you don’t suffer this kind of violence again.

     

    PLEASE RUN.

    Post # 211
    Member
    833 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I won’t go into details because they are very personal. I AM TELLING YOU NOW TO GET OUT!!! DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH THIS MAN!!! If you want to talk, you can message me.

    Post # 212
    Member
    407 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    View original reply
    @humminbird:  Calling this man bipolar is an insult to people who are actually bipolar. Random acts of violence and smirking because you think someone is so in love with you that they won’t leave are not signs of being bipolar. Don’t insult people who actually have a problem to make your point about this abusive nut.

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