- This Time Round
- 8 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
First off, I don’t care what the arm-chair medics here are saying in regard to this man’s diagnosis…
It doesn’t matter if he is… Psychotic – Bipolar – suffers from Depression – or even an Alcoholic
ONLY ONE THING IS TRUE… HE IS ABUSIVE !!
As I read your post… I saw myself.
This was me for a very long time in my first marriage.
Word for word, step for step
I remember standing in a doorway, confronting my Hubby on WHY exactly he was behaving the way he was, and then him shoving me
After the stunned moment…
I ran after and said “What the H3LL was that”
Only to get shoved around some more… and then choked
Afterwards, he did what your guy did… took off to cool off
And came back home as if it never happened
He “kind of” apologized… and we went on from there
Until the next time his anger bubbled over…
This went on in my life about ever 4 to 6 months, for 20 years
And I never left, because I always did the same things…
Blamed myself for inciting his anger, wished – hoped – prayed that he change… and kept the family together for the sake of the kids
I’m here to tell you I made the WRONG Choice
The abuse got worse, my life was miserable… and his abusive behaviour was classic in that it was cyclical… there was build-up – blow up – and Honeymoon phases
(And YES his very statement “Don’t be silly, we are planning a Wedding” is beyond classical… some how nudging you emotionally into thinking that what you really FEEL is silly / crazy / unfounded. He thinks he’s won you over to his side because you intentionally LIED to your family for him… telling them you fell down the stairs. He knows you are embarrassed and is using this to his advantage)
The abuse I lived thru, over time encompassed all the classical elements as well… Isolation, Put-Downs, Name Calling, Intimidation, Emotional Abuse, Financial Abuse and even Sexual Abuse.
And the PHYSICAL ABUSE got worse and worse.
Until one day, I figured out that if I didn’t leave I’d end up on the front page of our local newspaper either as the Victim (DEAD) or that I had killed him defending myself from him
DON’T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I MADE
I know you are are smarter than I was, your guts are telling you something is radically WRONG which is WHY you have posted this topic
Listen to your Gut, your Head, your Heart and the other Bees here
I IMPLORE YOU… leave this relationship
And get yourself to a hospital to make sure you are ok.
If being the victim of the abuse is too great for you to admit to the whole world… and I understand that (you can choose to, or not choose to file charges… the choice is yours, and no one should JUDGE you on that).
The IMPORTANT THING is that you leave him, and are safe.
It would be a good idea however to do two things…
1- Take photographs of your bruises if there are any, and
2- Tell one trusted person (not a blabbermouth) your story / situation.
These 2 items are so that if ever down the road you do find yourself in a position where you are making some sort of a legal statement (against him, or in support of another woman) you have some proof to back up your claim.
Take care of you… (( HUGS ))