(Closed) Should I break off the engagement?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m sorry you are going through this, but were you having these feelings when you all decided to conceive?

Post # 4
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

No one can answer whether you should break off an engagement except you.  However, I would suggest focusing on some bigger goals and “finding yourself.”   It sounds like your pretty young still – what do you want to do with the rest of your life?  What are you passionate about (and not just your SO)?  What do you want to accomplish in 5 years, 10 years etc?  If you don’t have those answers, you may need to do some soul searching.  

And understand, I’m young too (23) and just recently got married.  I really had to take time to make the effort to figure out what I wanted from life too (I’m finishing a doctorate degree in a field I love and am very passionate about.  I have a pretty good idea what I what my career to be in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years etc).  

 

 

Post # 5
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

It sounds to me like you idealized who you thought he would be in a relationship, and it’s not what you expected. In the end, you’re marrying HIM, not who you hope he will be. I think you need to sit down with him and have a serious talk about where you see yourselves, how you both feel about marriage, etc. Be honest with him and with yourself – if you’re moving too fast, it’s better to realize it now than when you’re already married. Good luck!

Post # 6
Bee
12392 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You don’t deserve to be treated this way, and you definitely shouldn’t be marrying this guy unless he does a serious 180. Have you talked to him about counseling? You have to put your foot down and let him know that you cannot continue to be with him unless he grows up and treats the relationship like an adult relationship.

Post # 7
Hostess
11258 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Sorry you’re going through this, it’s not nice when you love somebody, but you feel you’re not getting back what you deserve. Ask yourself if you’re happy and go with that.

Post # 8
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

but i feel like i shouldnt be crying this much.. that i shouldnt be questioning how much he cares

You are absolutely right about that.  You poor thing — you sound really young.  I don’t say that in a nasty way — in fact, even though you sound very young, you sound like you are absolutely getting it about relationships.  The ring is just a ring unless you are sure about each other.

How old are you both? 

Do you have anyone you can stay with for a few days to clear your head?  Someone supportive.

Post # 9
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I am really concerned about his leaving you for several days/nights whenever you two have an argument.  That is very immature and worrisome behavior, especially since you’re home worrying to death about him.  Then he doesn’t have the decency to call you or check up on you and his baby?  Hmmmmmmmm, not cool at all.  I’m not going to say break off the engagement, but his actions are making me not view him in a good light, sorry hun.  You need to stay healthy and stress-free while you’re waiting on your son to be born, so please take care!

Post # 10
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Yep I think you need some time away from him. You said it yourself: you’re always the one who makes amends, the one who says sorry. You need to know if you matter enough to him, if he really wants this relationship right now.

So sorry your pregnancy has all this other stuff going on around it! Please try to eat well and look after yourself right now. Not just for the baby, for you as well.

Post # 11
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Audz made a really good point there. At his stage in your pregnancy, he shouldn’t be going AWOL. What if you needed him? Selfish boy.

Post # 12
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

To me it sounds like this relationship was so idealize in your head because you have wanted to be with him for years and years.  Now that the reality of you being engaged and having a child together is on him, you are seeing the way that he really is.  Really, I think you need to consider leaving him, doing what is best for you and the unborn baby.  It isn’t going to be good for either of you to have someone around who is so immature and runs away every time you have an argument.  At the very least, you need to consider getting into couple’s counseling now to see if these problems can be resolved before you go any further.

Post # 13
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Im so sorry you are dealing with this….

The leaving thing is NOT COOL. he cant just skip town for a couple days every time he gets mad you know? I hope that you all are able to work through this but IMO i dont think he is ready for the big commitment of “getting married” yet because he doesnt even know how to work through a disagreement. and remeber, marriage doesnt change people so he will still ahev his same bad habits regardless…

good luck!

Post # 14
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I definitely think that your Fiance should not be leaving you alone for days while you’re pregnant and not even calling to give you peace of mind. That is not right. 

You need to be as stress-free as possible right now in your pregnant condition. I remember reading an article that said baby boys are more vulnerable to stress hormones. I hope your Fiance comes home soon and is open to working things out with you. You’re health is very important, and it does seem that he is disregarding that fact, like it just does not occur to him. 

It is time for him to look at your relationship as an adult and step up to the plate. I am so so sorry you are going through this. 🙁 Stay strong, do what you can to work with your Fiance on understanding each other more and listen to your heart. You’re the only one who can make the decision to break off your engagement. Definitely keep putting realistic and rational thought to it, as it seems you are doing already. And do a lot of things that make you happy! 

Post # 15
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m going to have to chance being in the minority. But you must be my cosmic sister because I went through this with my first husband.  Like, exactly this. I couldn’t buy milk because he was out of cigarrettes. I couldn’t get deli meat b/c pre-sliced was cheaper and then he could get his eyebrows waxed. (I so wish I was lying about that.) But you can see where I’m going with this.

That said. I’m going to be super un-supportive right now and tell you what I wish someone would have told me.

GET OUT AND GET OUT NOW! You are not his mother. You will be a mother very soon and it’s not his. Your baby is going to consume your life (and I actually mean that in a good way) and you will find that you will get less and less patient until you finally reach your end.

Whose house/apt is it? If it’s yours, pack him up. He spends so much time not there, you can only assume he decided that he doesn’t want to live there anymore.

Please take this time to be selfish and think of yourself and your baby. Pretty please… <Hugs><Hugs><Hugs>

 

Signed,

Someone who knows.

Post # 16
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Sweety i am so sorry.. i know what you are going through.. my ex-husband was in the marine corps, I was also pregnant, and i swear he would purposely pick fights with me and disappear… i found out later that he would be ot getting drunk with his friends, try hitting on girls, and finally i found out he cheated on me. I’m not saying this is what your FH is doing, but honey he is hurting you, and that is not good especially b/c you are pregnant. I had a miscarriage with my would be second child b/c of the stress placed, and even then, he refused to go get medicine for my sick infant.. instead, i had to call a friend to drive 45 min just to go to a store and drop off child medicine b/c i had no car, a baby with a 106 fever, and a husband that was out doing whatever he wanted to do..

After my miscarriage, i finally had enough and left him. it was a very hard decision, but i realized that i always questioned his love for me, i was always crying, and i wasnt happy anymore. i completely lost myself in our failing marriage. if you ever want to talk, feel free to pm me..

it was very tough for me to leave with my son… but sometimes things fall apart for better things to come into place. 

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