- 8 years ago
- Wedding: December 2011
I have been with my fiance for 5 years, and we have been living together for three. He asked me to marry him on Christmas morning, so a little over a month ago. I love him very much, and he takes good care of me. He always says that everything he does, he does it so that I can have what I want. Hes usually kind, and caring. And we built this life together already, a home together.
The problem is that there has always been things about him that really bothered me, and now that I have agreed to spend the rest of my life with him, they bother and worry me even more.
For one, he has a temper, and sometimes he is just really really mean. He will criticize everything about me, to the point where I just feel like I am worthless. This usually made me want to stick around even more because I would feel like only he would ever love me, but now that I’m a little older (24), I have gained a lot of confidence, and I know that I am a truly worthy person with a lot of good qualities. I just pull away now when he criticizes me, I just stop listening.
The other thing that bothers me is that he doesn’t lift one finger ever to help me around the house. He feels its not his job. He makes the money, I do the housework. I feel like a maid, and I feel like he is lazy. I’m actually Ok with traditional gender roles of the woman cooking and cleaning and the man doing manly stuff, but I can’t ever get him to change the light bulbs, take out the trash, mow the lawn… He doesn’t do his part. It is the source of lots of fighting.
Since we got engaged a month ago, I was happy for a little while, but panic has set in. I don’t think I want to be with this man for the rest of my life! I am so depressed over it. I know I should leave, but I know that leaving will break my heart because I will lose my best friend, my source of comfort, and the one person who truly knows everything about me. I don’t know how I would ever get over it.
I also don’t have any money of my own. I would probably have to move in with my parents, who live on the opposite side of the country, and that would mean leaving my life here in California. I literally don’t have a cent to my name. All the money is his and he controls it.
I need some advice. Please help!