Should I break up with him…? Need opinions

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
3405 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

maebae :  I agree, as an introvert who is a child of introverts and married to an introvert. But it does sound like OP’s boyfriend needs help, because living in a “constant state of fear” is damaging to his happiness on a daily basis. What she described is clearly an anxiety disorder, not introversion. Did she edit the post to take out the word introvert? Maybe that’s why your post confuses me.

 

OP – If you have to ask… 

I just can’t imagine that there are too many people in happy, healthy marriages who would say that they almost broke up at one point. Personally, I could not be with someone who won’t seek help.

Post # 17
Member
6502 posts
Bee Keeper

Yes. You can love and appreciate someone but still not be a great fit for life partnership. You may never see eye-to-eye on this. 

Post # 18
Member
2486 posts
Buzzing bee

In general, if something fundamental about your partner’s personality is a problem for you, or you feel embarrassed of them, you are not compatible. 

Post # 21
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Hi! My FH is bipolar so I know a bit about being in a relationship with someone who has mental illness. I noticed a few people saying you shouldn’t be bugging your SO about how to treat his illness. While that is generally good advice, the more serious your relationship becomes, the more you become his closest person–and then family, if you marry. FH had to be basically coerced into going on medication by myself and his parents. It saved him, and us. Of course, my FH’s particular brand of bipolar was more immediately problematic, so it’s not the same situation, but as a serious partner your feelings on it are important, too, as long as they are coming from a place of concern. for his well-being (as I assume they are) and not a place of convenience for yourself. I don’t have any specific advice on what you should do next, as mental illness is extremely nuanced and different for everyone. If you ever want to talk about it though, shoot me a PM. 

Post # 22
Member
653 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

papayagirl :  I was in a similar situation.  I loved the guy, but whenever we would go to hang out wiht my friends, he’d have a panic attack.  I was always choosing whether or not to go out with my friends or to help him through it.  I’m a very social eprson, and in college I really blossomed and started to have large social circles.   He also starting having trouble in school, ended up dropping out and then had a a hard time keeping a job.  I figured I wouldh ave to be the breadwinner and he’d be a stay at home dad.  So I changed majors to something more lucrative to support us.

And then I ended up breaking up wiht him.  It was too much.  I was studying all the time, and working to feed myself, and I had to pay for everything when we went out.  Plus he could never hang out with my friends and I held back all the time when we where out in public.  I’m friendly to a fault.  It just didn’t work.  So I ended it.  And honestly it was the best decision I ever made.  Not that he’s a bad guy, but I just was too outgoing for someone with that problem.  Now I’m with a guy who matches me socially, and we meet up with our friends multiple times a week and are contstantly meeting new people.  He also matches my ambitions, and loves to travel and experience new things.  We’re building a life together I didn’t really imagine I could have.

So if it isn’t working for you, leave and don’t look back.  

Post # 23
Member
3601 posts
Sugar bee

papayagirl :  People are going to pretend their psychologists, and shame you. Don’t let them. In any relationship you have to decide if the amount of work is worth it to keep the relationship….some are just inherently harder than others. It sounds like you are not comfortable with how he’s handling his well being, and maybe he is. I think that he should be with someone who is willing to lead the lifestyle he clearly thinks is just fine, and you deserve to be with someone who will not make it difficult for you to be happy and lead life the way you want to. So yes, I do think you guys should break up. I’m sorry!

Post # 24
Member
5963 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

papayagirl : 

Honestly, if he is not getting help, I would say goodbye. Been there done that. I wasted a LOT of years waiting for my guy to get help. A LOT.

And for people saying you shouldn’t argue with him, I ask them what is the solution in a case like this? I’m guessing she has been supportive, encouraging, and all the “right” things. And that she is getting frustrated that he is not even trying and it’s turned into arguing. I can’t even tell you how hard it is to live with someone who won’t get help. IT’S HARD and can be extremely miserable.

Post # 25
Member
9131 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I’m sorry youre getting so much judgment.  I know from experience that it’s very difficult to be in a relationship with someone who has an emotional condition and does not get treatment for it.  Consider that this is still him on his “best behavior”, or at least pretty good behavior, since your relationship is relatively new still.  The frustration and fighting and resentment will only get worse unless something changes.  

Honestly I would try to find someone who is a better fit for you, and let him try to find someone who is a better fit for him.

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