- 5 years ago
Please help Bee’s:( I am so heartbroken 🙁 🙁
Okay, so quick background.
My 30 yr old fiance is not employed right now and has not been for 5 months. He has six figures saved up from his last job. I have not been treating him “the best” I have been hard on him, because I think all he does all day is play video games! He doesn’t look for jobs (I know he plays atleast 4 hours a day) while I am hard at work making the only income.
I have been getting onto him about getting a job and how much it HURTS me that he is not wanting to provide for our future family and I CAN TELL THAT IT IS NOT a priority for him.
Last night he TOLD me it is not his top priority for providing for me and our future family because he is not “Head over heels in love with me” and that he looks at our relationship as more of a PARTNERSHIP! (WHAAAAT?!!)
He told me he could possibly become head over heels if I start treating him better but right now he is not! But he says he was head over heels, when we were engaged..
Then he tells me he has thought about breaking up with me twice since he has become unemployed. (Mind you I have been helping him daily try to get a job and tried to help him start his own business daily, even though I feel he doesn’t appreciate it)
He was like honestly I am not your “dream man” am I?… (basically saying I was not his dream girl without bluntly saying it” 🙁
I am not a submissive, sweet kind, of girl…I am ambitious, hard working, sarcastic, funny, independent and very confident. So yeah I don’t spend as much time as I should after work making him feel like a man and know I need to work on that. I also tell him how i feel if I am annoyed that for the 10th time he left hair all over the bathroom and shower after shaving. Or for the 50th time he didn’t take out the trash when it is smelling the whole place up.
I feel like he does so many things HALF-ASS and I know most men do, but I just a tired of putting up with him being so lazy. SO yes, I have been harder than I should on him. Telling him he needs to mature and grow up. He told me he resents me because of the way I have been treating him after he has been unemployed. I know he wishes I was a sweet submissive woman that lets him do whatever he wants and that never nags him.
He then tells me he was been head over heels in love with his ex g/f who he dated for 8 years and that she Burnt him BAD and he doesn’t think he would ever be like that again with a girl bc of how wrong she did him. (How immature is that!)
Next Problem: he got excited when looking at another girl
I showed him this pic of this really pretty model last night that I liked and she had a bathingsuit painted on her. You couldn’t see her bare body and it was beautiful artistic shot. He got a hard on….Looking at her(aka staring at the pic for 5 minutes, he practically put a hole through the pic with his eyes) and then wanted to have sex with me. I was like um no, I am not going to have sex with you after you got turned on by looking at another females breasts. I wonder how often he gets hard on’s in public looking at other women or seeing women on the internet 🙁
He then tells me he is attracted to other girls and every man is & that I am going to HAVE TO JUST DEAL WITH IT. BC He would never act on it. I said well honestly of course you can think other girls are attractive but I don’t want you lusting after other women, because I should be enough! I work out a lot, am tall and am not an unattractive woman at all…but he doesn’t care…He thinks a lot of women are hot and like to admire them. It hurts my heart bc I would never get excited about another male I see. Sure I can admire a good looking guy, but I would never lust after them because I have so much love for my man.
What do I say to him…. What do I do? Am I wrong for thinking these things he said to me are TERRIBLE or am I just freaking out for no reason. Should i think its okay that he gets hard on’s for looking at other women? Please tell me if I am being out of line or if he is or what I should do… 🙁 🙁 I just want to cry…. Should we get therapy or not even be engaged?