Post # 1
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 and a half years, but we met very young at 16 and are 24 now. We have talked about getting engaged with a year back in April. I said I would like to help pick out the ring and he was very relieved and happy that he didn’t have to figure out what I would like all on his own. He said he would take me ring shopping, but it’s been six months, so I brought up getting engaged a few days ago to see if he was still planning on it being within the next year. He assured me that he is ready and will plan something special soon, but he said that I shouldn’t ask about it because he wants it to be a surprise. I’m just confused because he said he was so happy that I wanted to help pick the ring out. I’ve been looking at rings for months and now have a certain style in mind. How is he supposed to surprise me with the proposal if we haven’t gone shopping yet? I don’t want to be the one that initiates the shopping, but he has mentioned proposing sometime between Christmas and Valentine’s day and the longer we wait to go shopping, the less surprised I’ll be when he proposes. Should I mention this, or wait until he brings up shopping? He is typically a last minute, laid back person and I am the opposite, so it works out well normally and I can help him get things done, but I know I shouldn’t in this case. He always encourages me to talk to him when something is bothering me though, so I’m wondering if/how I should bring it up. Any advice would be appreciated.
Post # 2
Even with his planned surprise, he may still be planning on you choosing your own ring. Maybe he is taking you somewhere special to choose one, or he’ll propose with a stand in for you to choose the one you want afterwards.
if he has specifically said not to mention as he has something planned then I wouldn’t bring it up again. I know if I were him that would put me off doing it any time soon as it would have spoiled the surprise.
If it turns out he has chosen you a ring then you just have to say “I love it, and love that you took the time to choose something but we’d agreed I would be involved and I actually had something else in mind” or something along those lines and take it from there.
And remember as special as we all want the ring and the proposal to be, don’t let it all hang on that, it’s about the marriage, the rest is just a “bonus”. Xx
i am sure all will be fine x
Post # 3
I would say leave it for now. You are still pretty young so i woudln’t be so concerned in laying down the law or anything. If he hasn’t proposed in another 6 months then he is going against your agreement of a year. At that point you can then sit him down and say, what is an engagement plan? We said a year and now it has been a year and no proposal. This has me feeling like you might not be holding to your word.
But for now, relax. If you do feel the need to give him some information you can do like I am going to do with my boyfriend when we move in together next month. I am going to give him a paper with my ring size, my ideas for how he can make tweaks to my family heirloom ring if he wants to do that and put it in a box with my family ring and put it where he knows it is and say, it is up to you. That way I know i gave him all the info, and ball is in his court. Then I will officially be waiting. So if it makes you feel better to give him some info send him an email with your ring size and a few photos (keep it to 2) of ring styles you like. Tell him verbally you have sent him that email and that ball is in his court. Then let it go for 6 months and see what happens
Post # 4
a24264 : I hate surprises I find them really stressful. I am currently desperately trying to focus on other things and trying new hobbies to take my mind of it. Using this time to do things that I’ve always wanted to do.
Post # 5
a24264 : If it’s not working for you, then talk to him. Ask him about going ring shopping. It won’t ruin the surprise to be on the same page. It won’t ruin anything to get an idea of what soon means. You know? And an engagement should work for both of you.
Or start sending him photos and links to rings you like. That way you get to pick your ring and he still gets to surprise you.
Post # 6
I would maybe text him a few pictures of rings you like with the disclaimer that you know he said not to bring it up. But he probably has a plan for including you. I doubt he has forgotten your convo about choosing the ring together.