(Closed) Should I bring up marriage again or just keep waiting?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

I mean, do you actually think sitting back and not saying anything will make it happen? I doubt it.

You’ve been together a decade and have a kid, the time for a “””proper””” proposal has passed. You can talk about it in concrete terms like adults. 

Post # 3
Member
2176 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

either be ok with never getting married (or it happening on HIS schedule which could be 10 more years from now) or start getting your exit strategy in place. I would have another conversation with him and let him know that you realize he isn’t ready but that you are and won’t continue to put your life on hold. No ultimatums but just let him know that you won’t wait around forever. 

Post # 4
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
purpleviolet:  Usually I tell waiting brides-to-be to relax and let him have his moment. But in your case, it looks like you both had an agreement that marriage wasn’t important, and now this has changed on your end.

I think it would be fair to have an open and honest conversation with your hubby and say exactly what you just said (your feelings on marriage have changed, you want to be offical, you want the same last name as your family). You probably won’t have a big white wedding, but it sounds like you don’t care about the actual wedding and really want the marriage (which is great!) 

I wouldn’t demand anything, or threaten to walk. I would just have a grown up conversation and see if you two can find a common ground.

Post # 5
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

Does he realize how important getting married is to you?  You said in the beginning that marriage wasn’t important to you so have you made it known that it very much is important now?  If marriage is not important to him and he doesn’t realize just how important it is to you, then he probably feels no pressure to move forward with a proposal.

But I agree with PP, at this point I think you need to have a straight forward conversation with him.

Post # 6
Member
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

When was the last time you brought it up to him? I would just want to be clear on the reason(s) for not being married/engaged yet, and it looks like it’s because he wants a nice wedding but you can’t afford it right now? Does he know that you would be happy with a small, inexpensive wedding? Maybe you could suggest doing something in the middle and saving up for it during engagement. I was waiting for a long time too and when I finally asked why we weren’t engaged/married yet, I got a very unexpected answer. He was afraid that I’d want to immediately settle down and buy a house and have babies. We move around a lot for his job (which I love doing!) and neither of us want kids. I ensured him that nothing would change and that I just wanted to be married to him. He proposed 2 weeks after that conversation. Maybe he has something on his mind and just needs to be given the opportunity to talk about it. Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2015

It seems clear that if you wait, nothing will happen. Time for a serious, adult conversation.

Post # 8
Member
1321 posts
Bumble bee

Well… it’s leap day! :Do

In all seriousness, just talk to him. 

Post # 9
Member
5019 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I would absolutely bring it up and agree upon a concrete timeline.  

Post # 11
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
purpleviolet:  Well what is more important to you, being married or having a lavish wedding?  Because you can certainly get married with very limited funds.  Get married at the courthouse with just a handful of the most important people, then take them all out to lunch.  But if a big wedding is important then you and your BF need to sit down and figure out a way to start saving for one.  Your financial situation for a wedding won’t change unless you sit down and figure out a way to save for one.

Post # 12
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

This may not be ideal, but a courthouse marriage now and a vow renewal in the future when you guys have the funds for it may be a good compromise. You say he wants to get married and you want to get married, so if money for a wedding is the only thing delaying things then remove that from the equation.

But as PP’s have said, you two should sit down and have a conversation about all this as soon as possible. Waiting won’t change anything if it hasn’t already.

Post # 13
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
purpleviolet:  It costs a few hundred for a courthouse wedding. Honestly, if you really want to be married to be married, I’m sure you can find a few hundred bucks to do it. If you had a conversation with your hubby and told him this, he may be more on board with the thought of getting married. 

Post # 14
Member
6978 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
purpleviolet:  What if you two are never financially ready for an actual wedding? If you want to get married, do it. If you want a wedding…that’s a different story. 

The topic ‘Should I bring up marriage again or just keep waiting?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors