MemberAre you willing to give up marriage to continue your relationship with him or are you willing to give him up in order to pursue a chance at marriage with someone else? Once you decide, stick to it and go for it with all your heart.
MemberAfter the amount of time you both have spent together I think a talk is definitely in order of marriage is something you want.
MemberIf you’ve explicitly told him you don’t want an expensive wedding and he’s still saying finances are an issue, then he’s stalling. But that was a year ago, it certainly couldn’t hurt to reiterate your point. Put it back on what is important to you, and not what he’s NOT doing and it’ll likely be a more productive discussion. I statements work. At least then you can feel like you’ve done your due diligence.
MemberIf you guys have a kid and a mortgage, where does he think this Magical Wedding Fund money is going to come from? I’m sorry honey, but it sounds like he’s just putting you off- especially when you’d be fine with a nice simple registry wedding. If it’s important to him for his parents to be there, you could all go out for dinner afterward.
MemberSo I got a chance to talk to him tonight and he said he was worried about the cost and couldn’t we get married like his friend did in a registry office with few close people? I said yes thats what Ive been trying to say – we could do it on a tight budget! I then said we should only get married if he really wants to and not because he feels like I am pressuring him or just doing it because I want to otherwise it wont work. I think he needs to actually think about it as I dont think he actually has much at al – he said marriage sounds scary to him. So we didnt make any concrete plans yet which is what I really want so that another year doesnt go past without real plans being made!
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MemberMemberHe doesn’t even want to talk about it, kept changing the subject last night and also said he wants us to go on holiday this year before getting married. I think he is making it clear he has no real interest in marrying me which is pretty soul destroying after all these years and our beautiful daughter so dont know what to do.
MemberWtf. Why do some women put themselves in these positions and then expect pity? Seriously it chaps my ass.
OP, how can you even look at this piece of carp who tells you marriage is scary for him – when you’ve lived together for a decade and have a 6 year old? It’s time to wake the eff up.
I don’t feel sorry for you in the least. You made some stupid choices and they’ve brought you to this point. But it’s never too late to get smart.
MemberMemberWhat do you mean by stupid choices? I was not expecting pity just some helpful advice from people who may have been in similar situations.
MemberI would definitely bring it up again.
As PPs have mentioned, you have been together for a long time and have a child – the time for the big romantic gesture proposal has passed.
Tell your partner that the time for marriage has come and set a date.
MemberI would tell him you don’t want to wait and save up for a big wedding, etc., and that you just want to make things official for the sake of the family you’ve built with him. If he keeps putting it off or finding excuses not to do it, there’s your answer — he doesn’t want to marry you and never will. In that event, see a family lawyer even if you’re not planning on breaking up with him right now so you can ensure your daughter is protected no matter what happens between you and him in the future.
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