should i call CPS?

posted 9 months ago in Home
Post # 46
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Cottage

daniellemc :  yes! You should have called a while ago..poor kids :'(

Post # 47
2242 posts
Buzzing bee

Definitely call, and personally I would keep calling until there is change. 

I understand the retaliation thing, so maybe mention that when you call. Just keep playing dumb to your family. “I told you I wouldn’t call and I haven’t.” 

I called the NZ version of CPS a couple of years back on my neighbours. I never saw inside the house and I don’t know how big it was, but the couple (middle aged) had quite a few children. Their eldest daughter (teen) also had a little one, who my neighbour often looked after. Anyway, I was studying from home and they would have such big arguments I could hear it from inside my house. Shouting at each other, swearing, the lady was calling the kids the ‘c’ word. It didn’t sit right with me. Then after another argument I heard this horrible scream from one of the children. It was heartbreaking, so I called. I was terrified because I didn’t really know them but they seemed kind of rough, and I was the only neighbour home all day who would call. I was scared my dog would face backlash when I was out if they found out it was me, which I explained to the woman I spoke with on the phone. After I made that call I didn’t hear anymore screaming, and no more arguments. We never had any trouble with them as neighbours, and I can rest easy knowing that I stood up and did something. 

Oh and I brought it up with my therapist on my next visit 😉 

Post # 48
145 posts
Blushing bee

Call, do not start talk around about it. Just call. Get yourself some home security (cameras, deadbolts). See if your husband can give his HR department or something a heads up. If they try something, a reputable employer wont just go off of someone telling them ‘this person is bad and did a bad thing’ etc. If he doesn’t have skeletons in his closet, he doesn’t have anything to worry about. 

Post # 49
1149 posts
Bumble bee

Yes, you should call. Even if nothing is done, it will be off your conscience and you can wash your hands of the situation.

Post # 50
711 posts
Busy bee

This reminds me of a thread from a couple of months ago in which a woman was wondering whether to report a family member who she suspected was raping his stepdaughter, but the poster was afraid of retaliation and not having concrete proof. There were so many red flags, but she was afraid of what her family members would say.

Everyone was telling her to call CPS and let them deal with the investigating.

But it was so frustrating because the poster kept coming back and updating us with her own concerns instead of just going ahead and calling CPS.

I don’t know what happened in the end, but it would be a shame if she just sat by and did nothing.

OP, you’re doing the right thing calling CPS. Just please do it sooner than later because it has already been a while. Just provide them with all the details you know. Let them handle the rest, and follow up. Tell them you want to remain anonymous because of what you think these people are capable of doing.

There’s a chance your family might figure it out. But I would take that chance if I were you, because it sounds like everyone else in this family is too selfish to help these poor kids.

Post # 51
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018


Post # 52
2120 posts
Buzzing bee

lifetimegoals :  

Why such backlash on the OP. She is not the one who is abusing her kids. A – most likely, CPS will do nothing. They will come out to the house, but not much will be done. Bees who are proclaiming help those poor kids – very unfortunately, nothing will probably be done to help those kids – CPS is understaffed, poorly funded, cases sit for years without being touched, and CPS’s goal is to keep children with their families, not take children out of homes. But if family finds out, judging how they are, they will most likely retaliate and god knows what they can do. And being pissed off and angry, after CPS leaves, they might take out their anger on their kids even worse than before behind close doors. Life is not this black and white. Even if she calls, it might not change anything or worse – make the situation even worse and OPs life will be hell and parents will take it out on the kids even more, just will keep it under wraps and stop communicating with the family. It is not rainbows and unicorns, where she will call, and magically the parents will become little angels,, and give their kids happy childhood. Abusers can put on a great front, but as soon as the door closes, get furious and angry and take it out on their children much worse than before, but get much smarter about hiding it.

Post # 55
2120 posts
Buzzing bee

slothbear :   abouttodoit17 :  She should proceed smartly and with great caution to not make the situation worse for those kids. What would you say if she calls, CPS do nothing, and the parents loose it, beat the shit out of the kids in anger but keep the kids away from family and school.?

Post # 57
2120 posts
Buzzing bee

slothbear :  She should call, but I am pointing out that it is completly unfair to flame her for not calling before. It is not black and white, but a complex situation. As she explained in her updates, she had reasons for not calling before, involved the family, etc. A lot of posters are being a little naive with “oh why didn’t you call before, do you not care, call now -it will make everything magically better”

Post # 58
844 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

solnishko1186 :  No one said it will make everything magically better but it is absolutely the best course of action to take.  And OP has not mentioned why she feels so compelled to report it now, but not before.  She cut contact with them 6 months ago, why now?

 What would you say if she calls, CPS do nothing, and the parents loose it, beat the shit out of the kids in anger but keep the kids away from family and school.?

What if she didn’t report it and the same thing happened?  I fail to see how not reporting it benefits anyone in this situation.  In the imaginary scenario you created keeping the kids off school would raise red flags if CPS had already been contacted. 

Post # 59
3701 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

solnishko1186 :  No one said it would make everything magically better. but the more calls CPS gets on this, and the more documentation they have of concerned family members, the more likely something WILL happen.

Post # 60
851 posts
Busy bee

It’s better to call than not say anything at all to authorities who may be able to help the children. God forbid something serious happens to the kids or they lash out violently towards someone else based on this now learned behavior. Imagine how horrible you’d feel if you did nothing.

Don’t tell anyone you are calling. Just do it.

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