should i call CPS?

posted 2 years ago in Home
Post # 61
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA

solnishko1186 :  I see no backlash in my comment. She asked “should I call CPS?” and I answered “Definitely!”. You must have tagged the wrong bee…

Post # 63
2812 posts
Sugar bee

abouttodoit17 :  Reporting it will not do much necessarily. CPS doesn’t just come and take your kids away and make you a better parent. There needs to be more to the evidence than a witness hearsay statement. In her case, there was no prior police reports or hospital records. In FL, CPS does not come in unannounced, they call before the visit. They check the fridge for food, if kids look fed, clean, house is “ok” and for physical signs of abuse. Statistically 50% of calls don’t even reach an investigation phase and the ones that do, if nothing is discovered at the house, case gets closed. So more than likely, CPS will do nothing. But that CPS drop in visit can have consequences – more hidden abuse by the parents, less contact with family (thus loosing support system, and getting even more stressed and angry with the kids), retaliation. I wish things were as black and white as the bee wants it to be.

The kids are still young so I imagine they are not in public school system yet, and daycare (if they are in one) is voluntarily – she can pull them out of daycare anytime if she wants to limit contact with teachers or other “mandated to report” people.

Post # 65
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Saw your update. Mustve been hard given that it’s family but I think you did the right thing

Post # 67
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - State Park

CPS will decide to screen it in or out, and if they screen it in they’ll do an investigation. That will take about a month. At the end of the evaluation they’ll decide if they’re opening the case. 

If the case is open, they’ll get support services in place as necessary, and if possible in your state those services will be home-based so there’s a regular flow of people into the house. 

In my experience you can be a lot better off letting the family know you filed. Proactively saying that you’re concerned, that you gave them time to figure it out, and that you think they need more help than they have. It comes from a good place rather than punitive. And really, that’s what CPS is there for. To find and provide community based supports to help children with behavioral issues and parents who are lacking skills. I know it might not seem like it, but in general everyone is doing the best they can, and if they had the skills and resources to do better, they would do better. Keep that in mind as you go through this. 

These don’t sound like malicious parents, they sound unskilled. Their children shouldn’t be taken from them. They need help. 

If you don’t let them know you run the risk of them figuring it out or assuming, and assuming you did it to hurt them. That’s when things will go south. 

Post # 68
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - State Park

solnishko1186 :  I’m glad someone else on here understands how this system actually works and the pitfalls of reporting. Especially if you haven’t *actually witnessed* something, or been eyes on in months. Huge chance this is screened out.

It would be just as useful to find in-home support services or parenting groups and recommend them to the family, especially since I think I read that the mother knows how bad the situation is and is trying to get it under control. 

Unless there is imminent threat of serious harm (which OP has zero way of knowing), not much is going to happen except that the parents will cover their tracks. 

But by all means, pile on solnishko for proving some decent wisdom here. She never said “do nothing”, she explained why reporting, or reporting as the only step taken, might not be the best path. 

I stand by my previous statement that you’re better off letting the family know you filed a report and offering support. 

Post # 69
2812 posts
Sugar bee

abouttodoit17 :  I don’t see you providing a constructive plan, aside from call CPS. Calling and reporting have severe consequences, and decision to call should not be taken lightly.  (which might not help the kids at all. Lady shows up with a clip board, marks the checkboxes and leaves. Great).

More than likely CPS will not investigate anyway – calls from “concerning” family members with not much other evidence are not a top priority. Family members calls are very iffy for the agency – there is a lot of custody disputes where ex wants to be vindictive and call, upset mother in laws that parents limited her contact with grandchild (because mil is cray cray) and so on. The calls given first priority are from “have duty to report” individuals – nurses, doctors, teachers. Even if CPS visits, without seeing physical signs or neglect (no food, etc) – there is nothing they could do.

Agencies can’t take hersay evidence from “family” for face value and run with it. But consequences for reporting could be that parents might get angry and know it was a family member that called – and limit contact with all family as a recourse. 5 kids, and no family support would equal to more overwhelmed, stressed out parents who might potentially lash out at kids even more, get better at hiding their lack of skills and know better to keep the kids away from public view. I guess you don’t have any real life experience with those issues, or any of out of the box thinking. How about talk to the parents directly, actualldy do something to offer support – offer to watch the kids to give parents a break, research services for autistic kids, make some calls,- something that is more practical. Are you really that naive to think that CPS will save them and not make matters worse.

sarahparkview :  Right. Thank you for saying something. I love how ppl scream call CPS as if that will change much or they know anything about the process.

Post # 70
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

daniellemc :  I didn’t even finish your post, please call COS and follow through. Those babies need your help. Make sure COS does something about it.

Post # 71
532 posts
Busy bee

MrsNino :  “I didn’t even finish your post…” You should finish her post.

Post # 73
3891 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

daniellemc :  Has CPS been over there yet? You did the right thing by calling. I can’t imagine how stressful it must be for you and your family 😔

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