(Closed) should I call off engagement

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I know that you must be anxious and scared right now, but I am going to be totally honest with you – you deserve that. You should really think about how happy you would be if you were treated this way for the rest of your marriage/life. The truth is that if he’s acting like this now, he’s sending you a signal. This is how he views committed relationships. If you feel that he is disrespectful to you and that you could not be happy living this life for the next 10, 15, or 20 years then you already know what you need to do. Best wishes!

Post # 4
12 posts
  • Wedding: October 2013

@inevakay:  OMG!  I’m so glad you just posted this.  A friend of mine was going through the same thing years ago and thank god got out. I would get out while you can and trust me your friends and family will understand.  You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of hurt and you already know in your heart of hearts what is right. Sounds like he isnt ready for anything and needs to work and love himself before he is truly ready to enter into marriage. Good luck and its better to break it off before the wedding or else you are looking at alot of money to get out of it.  Do what your gutt is telling you.  My girlfriend met her soul mate a few years later and they now have 2 kids….very happy!

Post # 5
3585 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

 I’m so sorry you are in this place!

Part of being grown up is doing the hard stuff. What you propose, move back to your parents’ place and call off your wedding is danged HARD!

You are right to put the brakes on this. How long have you been having these thoughts about cancelling? If it’s been a while, it’s time to make your plan, gather your stuff, and leave.

One thing I would urge you to do is to not chatter about all of the problems you and Boyfriend or Best Friend had– It’s enough to say “We aren’t compatible.”

It is a brave woman who admits a mistake and acts to recify it. I suspect you will have more people showing you support for this than you now know. And, it’s possible that most of them think he’s not ready to marry. But sure there will be things said about you–so what? People are gonna talk about you no matter what you do. That I’ve learned.


Post # 6
7693 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You know what the right thing to do is.  It will be okay.  You will get through calling it off.  It is better than living UNhappily ever after.  (Hugs)

Post # 7
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You know what you need to do. It’s not easy, but you will get through it. Remember that it’s better to back out now then end up married to a guy like that. People who love you will agree with that and will support for standing up for yourself. Good luck!

Post # 10
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Sounds like I don’t have to tell you to leave, but you should probably hear that worrying about if your parents will be ok with him after is not important. If you’re leaving because he treats you this way, who the hell needs him as a friend anyhow?

Post # 11
32 posts

It sounds like there are many good qualities that your fiance possesses. However, it sounds like he has a rough side that may or may not be a good fit for you.

There are girls in the world who don’t care what time their husband gets home–and heck, maybe be out getting hammered with him the entire night. And the verbal abuse? Some of the fiesty girls may sass back.

Does this sound like you?

If not, you may have to come to the realization that there are plenty of guys out there who possess the same great qualities he has. Cooks, cleans, probably has a good sense of humor, a person you can share stories with, etc… A person that is the better fit for you.

But if you have doubts, it’s time to put on the brakes. Perhaps couples counseling? He may not be self aware of what he’s doing. Perhaps delaying the wedding? Maybe he just needs some growth. It sounds like you guys are a young couple. The last thing you want to do is rush into a mess.

Losing a deposit on a venue is a lot cheaper than a divorce and everything that goes along with it. Not to mention the heartache!

Don’t worry about being embarassed if you do decide to delay the wedding, move out or even break up for good. EVERYONE knows how difficult it is to find the right person for you. All your response needs to be is, “I thougt he was the one, but after some time, I realized he’s not.” …Everyone will get that. Everyone.

I agree. Follow your gut.

Good luck.

Post # 12
1431 posts
Bumble bee

Sounds like you need to leave.  It won’t get better, situations like that always get worse.  If he changed that much for the worse by just moving in imagine once your married? He will be a monster to you. I am glad you have a good example of marriage from your parents. I feel like a lot of girl who put up with being verbaly abused or unhealthy relationionships dont have that so they don’t know what a  healthy marriage looks like. This is even more reason you should know in your heart that you deserve better. Don’t be embarrassed about calling off a wedding. It happens and everyone will be proud of you for getting out then settling for a miserable life.  Move back in with your parents asap. Cut off ties and start over.

Post # 14
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Sounds like your gut has already told you, you just need to find the lady balls to listen. Good luck honey!

Post # 15
82 posts
Worker bee

I understand what you are going through and its better to get out early than to go through the hurt and pain for many years to come (based on what you have told me about your relationship). There’s only one question you need to ask yourself. Do you think you will be happy with your fiance for the rest of your life? If you have doubts before you marry him it’s going to get harder to leave him once you guys are married and possibly have children in the future. Also, do you think he will treat you this way in front of your children?

Do what you feel is right. You won’t regret your decision if you follow your heart. Don’t let other’s pressure you. It’s your life so make a decision that you are comfortable with.

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