Should I call off my wedding?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
9680 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I would try counseling first. But absolutely put the wedding planning on hold.

Post # 3
Member
2049 posts
Buzzing bee

Elope. This sounds way too complicated for one freakin day. 

ETA: Your Fiance needs to grow a pair unless he likes being referred to as “ex fiance”

Post # 5
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m so sorry…I feel like your instincts are correct that this is a huge issue and can only get worse down the road. His parents sound absolutely awful, but if Fiance was on the same page as you that would be one thing as we don’t choose our parents, but like you said he takes their side and won’t stand up to them. I think you should talk to him if you haven’t already so that he knows how serious of an issue this is for you that you are thinking of calling off the wedding. See if he is willing to go to couples counseling. I don’t see having a happy wedding or marriage with this going on. 

Post # 6
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Wow..

Elope. Elope elope elope.

And counseling. The two of you need to learn how to communicate.

Darling Husband and I did counseling for almost a year before we got married. We thought we knew how to communicate. Turns out we were terrible at it.

 

Post # 7
Member
5567 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

jhempstead :  

I’m sorry bee but they are giving you $45k for the wedding. Sure you’re writing off the $20k as kosher foods but that means they are still giving you $25k.

This is the risk you run into when others are paying for the wedding. They have people that they want to invite.

I agree that it has been a pain in the butt but they are to contributing forty five THOUSAND dollars.

 

Can you tell them to forget the whole thing and have them keep their money? That would be the short term fix, pps had a good suggestion about counseling for the long term solution for your troubles with your fiance.

Post # 8
Member
5049 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I admit, I did not read your full post but skimmed it.  It seems both sets of parents, FI’s and yours are overly involved in your wedding planning. Why?  Who is paying for the event?  If any of the parents are paying for the event you relinquish control.  If you and Fiance are paying you have full say over the details of your wedding day and parents should not be involved as they have been.  If you want full control then do not accept monetary support for your wedding.  Pay for your own wedding and plan the wedding that you and Fiance can afford on your own.

I don’t think this is just an issue with your Fiance and his side of the family.  I feel you both likely have a part in this and have not set the appropriate boundaries with parents from the start.  You and Fiance need to get on the same page because right now the parents are running the show and you both allowed it.

Post # 9
Member
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

At the very least I would postpone. If this is his attitude before marriage then I have zero faith in things getting any better or improving just bc you get married. Please don’t fall for that crap. You two need to be on the same page before a lifetime commitment.

Post # 10
Member
5567 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

j9marie :  

$45k from his parents and $65k from hers according to her post.

Post # 11
Hostess
3883 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Jeez, who’s getting married here, you and Fiance or your parents? That is insane. Tell them all to take their money and shove it. Have the wedding YOU can afford. 

Post # 12
Member
5567 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

I also just noticed that you said $45k is nothing because his mother spent twice as much on her dress as your wedding dress and that they throw money away.

If $45k is nothing, give it back to them and say thanks, but no thanks. We will pay for the wedding that we want on our own.

I know there’s a lot going on in this post but I’m having a hard time swallowing your comments on their contribution, I’m wondering if they are noticing that too.

Post # 13
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

My question is this: Has it always been like this? Or did his parents turn into monsters when y’all got engaged? If they’ve always been like this, you should have expected it. If not, I don’t know what to tell you. I do not like that your fiancé can’t seem to stand up to them. That would bother me immensely. The best thing to do would be to refuse their money and elope. But if you can’t do that, I fear that this wedding will end up being all about them. It’s a shame, really.

 

Just saw that your wedding is in October like mine. Is that accurate? If so, it’s probably too late to get deposits back, right? :/ 

Post # 15
Member
5567 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

jhempstead :  

You ask if you should delay the wedding, if it’s a possibility, I definitely would.

Do counseling with your fiance, then if that goes well, if you still want to get married, pay for it on your own.

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