Should I call off my wedding?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 106
Member
12091 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

jhempstead :  So their already reduced list was supposed to be cut again?  I thought you said you didn’t need their money if the wedding is not kosher.  

As for telling everyone, if you have already sent invitations, you can send a card stating that the wedding “will not take place” or “has been postponed.” You can google the language. Otherwise, I’d just tell people as you speak to them. 

Post # 107
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

They arent being mean to you. They are willing to pay extra for things they think will look/be nicer for your wedding that you are saying is too expensive and unnecessary.

Im sorry, Im on your FI’s side on this one. Your comment to his mom was very rude. You could of just said the brides name and brides parents name comes first because they are giving you away to your Fiance. 

They seem like loving people – I really feel bad for them. 

Just read your update- wedding planning is stressful,  but this is just plain dramatic. I think a little more respect needs to be given when speaking to his parents. I think it’s best that you don’t move forward with the wedding.  His family seems very important to him as it should be and you simply do not respect or appreciate them.

Post # 108
Member
7816 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think it’s actually probably smart that you called it off. I hate to be a debbie downer, but if you and your Fiance can’t even get through what honestly sounds like pretty normal wedding planning stress (i.e., overbearing parents who give money with strings attached), that doesn’t bode well for overcoming the slings and arrows that life will throw at you over the course of your marriage. I hope you guys will go to counseling and find a way to emerge from this darkness.

Post # 109
Member
1095 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

jhempstead :  I think it was wise to call it off. The whole thing was out of control. I don’t envy you the phone calls to let people know the wedding is off, with that giant guest list, but I bet your family and friends would help you notify people. Don’t forget to return any gifts you’ve already received.

Are you and your Fiance working things out/staying together? What was his perspective on canceling the wedding? 

Post # 110
Member
5558 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

I know that this must have been so difficult with the wedding so close but you really did the right thing.

Will you and your fiance be going to counseling?

Post # 112
Member
12091 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

jhempstead :  Your Future Mother-In-Law, or ex Future Mother-In-Law, as the case may be was completely off the rails in her behavior and there was absolutely no excuse for what she said.  But it was not off base of her to expect that the list should be split equally. Your mother’s answer re: “criteria” was inappropriate, IMO. She should not have been trying to micromanage your FI’s mother’s list. A lot of people have told you that already. 

I’m sorry it came to this.  Revoking the contribution after you are already on the hook to pay WAS a sleazy move, though. This could have been worked out if ALL the people involved were capable of behaving rationally. You may be past that point. 

Unfortunately, I think this has been a group project. 

Post # 114
Member
11652 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

jhempstead :  I’m sorry you had to go through all of that but you are so brave to do what you felt was right with so much planned. That’s such a hard thing, and kudos to your family! 

you will find someone who is a much better fit. Best wishes bee. 

Post # 115
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

Wow, I am so sorry to hear that. So glad that your family is there to support you no matter what! 

Post # 116
Member
3832 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Sounds like the right decision. The whole situation had turned toxic. If you had married him you would have faced battles for years with him not siding with you – can you even imagine if you had a child?? Some of the updates about your Future Father-In-Law screaming at your mother etc were just horrifying. 

Post # 117
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

Honestly, I think you are stressed out as it is because of your wedding. Just relax and just step back for some of the planning, and have your future hubby take the reins. He can include his parents and yours, and you won’t be in the middle. A wedding is honestly more for the parents. My father in law plannned my entire wedding, and honestly, I loved it. I was stress free and he got to be involved in everything. He was so happy, I was happy, my husband, etc.  I think your husband, future husband, adores you or he wouldn’t marry you. Of course he loves his parents, and you should be happy he includes them. When you have kids, you will want your children to include you in everything. Don’t make him pick between you or his parents. That isn’t fair. Just either elope or let him take charge. You sit back and relax!

Post # 118
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

cindydarksidebibbs :  This original post is 5 months old – OP already called off the wedding and moved out.

OP: although it’s really hard, I think you made the right choice. It sounds like underpinning all of this nightmare was a relationship where the communication and loyalties weren’t right. It’s so hard, but you’ve been so strong. If it helps, a family friend of ours did exactly this: called off her wedding with just 3 weeks to go. She is now married happily to someone else and has a baby with him. Things will get better from here. Better cancelling some expensive contracts than a divorce.

Post # 119
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

jhempstead :  I’m sorry you had to go through that. But by the looks of it, you made the right decision. Your Ex is incapabale of putting his spouse first. That is not the makings of a happy marriage.

Things will get better. Chin up. I’m glad you have a great support system.

Post # 120
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

cindydarksidebibbs :  Your stance on this whole situation is frightening.

Her Ex ILs behavior was atrocious. Her Ex Fiance didn’t event stand up for her and his future ILs. Imagine bringing a child into that situation? Imagine dealing with that on a regular basis? Yeah, weddings are stressful, but by no means should things have escalated to that extent. Their behavior was straight up toxic. And his refusal to stand up for his future wife is inexcusable. The only thing that will fix that is extensive therapy for the Ex and for him to realize that his parents are toxic narcs. Until he fixes that, this guy will probably never have a happy marriage.

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