Post # 1
we are 3 weeks away from our wedding yet all he does is scream and swear at me. there was an issue where he wasnt communicating the wedding details to his family and they felt left out which blew up into quiet a debarcle and now he blames me for everything, nothing i say or do is right. its always about how im a certain way and how im this and that and everything under the sun. the way he’s reacting and treating me is causing such resent in me and ive tried to tell him all this but all he does is attack me.
im afraid to communicate with him and very afraid of what my life will be like. i really dont know what to do as ny head says leave but a part of my heart still says stay, please help!!!
Post # 3
Have things always been like this?
Post # 4
Sorry to read this..
If you are not sure, then don’t go through with the wedding.
Post # 5
you need to stand up for yourself. if he won’t listen to you, write a letter and leave it on the table that lets him know that you will NOT be treated this way. it is not okay for him to scream and swear at you – that is abusive!
i’d tell him that you are not interested in being treated this way for the rest of your life and that you have gone to your mothers/best friends etc house for a day or two to allow him time to calm down and think about what is important.
I wouldn’t call or text him until that 24/48 hours are up and then have a serious talk. if he is unwilling to admit that his behaviour is appalling, then i would not go through with the wedding. there will always be stressful times, he is demonstrating now that he is completely unable to deal with them maturely and that he will blame the hard times in his life on you.
Post # 6
Can you guys step back from wedding stuff for a few days? It sounds like he may be getting really stressed about the wedding. Does he react this way in other stressful situations?
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards
What is “normal” for you? We don’t scream and we have never called each other names, but if that is something you all do…well, I have a feeling you wouldn’t have started this thread if this wasn’t disturbing you.
It seems like you have three options:
1. Take it and keep going (clearly not really an option, IMO)
2. Step up and be assertive, fill in the communication gaps and see what happens. You can’t be afraid of communication. You already know what your life will be like if you continue with the current communication style.
Post # 8
Yes. This doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship.
Post # 9
If he treats you this way now it won’t get any better when he has a ring on his finger. Has he always treated you this way?
Post # 10
@janin3: You’re afraid. He attacks you. He’s not communicating. What, if anything, is telling you to stay?
Post # 11
@janin3: If you are having to ask on a forum then you already have the answer. As a mother of a daughter that is 4 months from being married, I am going to give you the same motherly advice I would give her. You need to postpone or call it off. I know that there has been a lot a money spent by now, but that is the LEAST of your worries. If this man is screaming and cursing at you now…it will only grow worse. I dont think this is something that has just happened once and it is probably happened over other things and not just wedding issues. I would never want my daughter to marry a man that belittles her and swears at her for ANY reason. There is no excuse for his behavior. ZERO tolerance for a “man” that treats a female in this manner!
Post # 12
I agree 100%. This is supposed to be the best, most loving time of your life with your fiance. If he is treating you like this NOW, how will he treat you when life gets tough (and everyone has some rain in their lives)? If this is the best you can expect from this relationship, I would hate to see what the worst could be.
Post # 13
🙁 I’m sorry he’s been like that to you. I know weddings are super stressful and he probably has a full plate or something, but that’s no excuse to blame you for everything and scream and curse at you.
I second the PP and say you need to take a stand now and nip it in the bud. However, I’d be careful about how you do that; use a low, non-threatening tone of voice, be silent for a few seconds before you speak, maybe it’ll give him a chance to let whatever nasty words he said to sink in (to him).
I would also give some sort of an ultimatum to show how serious you are about not taking verbal abuse. Tell him you love him but don’t appreciate what he says and that you want to take a break for a day or two to let him cool off and fix whatever he’s got going on.
Also involve a third person if it’s so bad you think he might escalate. At least call and tell a friend what’s going on before you confront him.
Post # 14
@janin3: is this a common occurance or just stress from the wedding? are you prepared to live the rest of your life like this? i think the very least you should postpone the wedding and work on the relationship. if you are having your doubts, there is a reason for that. listen to your head.
Post # 15
At the very least, you NEED to postpone the wedding. You can’t marry a man who you can’t communicate with because you don’t have the tools to be able to resolve the issues that will inevitably come up in the marriage (because EVERY marriage has issues). You’re already afraid of what your life will be like if you marry him under these circumstances, so why make that misery a reality? Maybe the issues you two have can be worked out (perhaps via counselling/therapy), but until you do work them out, please do NOT marry him! Someone told me once that any problems you have before you get married will only be ten times worse once you’re married, and believe me, there’s a lot of truth in that statement! I really think you need to work on making this relationship healthy and happy BEFORE it becomes a marriage!
Post # 16
It sounds like you should definitely at the very minimum prospone the wedding. You should not say your vows what you aren’t 100% sure you want to stay with him.
It is alot easier to call off a wedding then it is to get a divorse. I am not trying to say that this is definitely where you end up but it absolutely sounds like a possibility of you get married without being certain it is something that you want to do.
When it comes to a marriage it should be something that your head and your heart agree on.