(Closed) should i call off the wedding???

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Have things always been like this? 

Post # 4
Member
2577 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Sorry to read this..

If you are not sure, then don’t go through with the wedding.

Post # 5
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

you need to stand up for yourself. if he won’t listen to you, write a letter and leave it on the table that lets him know that you will NOT be treated this way. it is not okay for him to scream and swear at you – that is abusive!

i’d tell him that you are not interested in being treated this way for the rest of your life and that you have gone to your mothers/best friends etc house for a day or two to allow him time to calm down and think about what is important.

I wouldn’t call or text him until that 24/48 hours are up and then have a serious talk. if he is unwilling to admit that his behaviour is appalling, then i would not go through with the wedding. there will always be stressful times, he is demonstrating now that he is completely unable to deal with them maturely and that he will blame the hard times in his life on you.

Post # 6
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Can you guys step back from wedding stuff for a few days? It sounds like he may be getting really stressed about the wedding. Does he react this way in other stressful situations?

Post # 7
Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

What is “normal” for you? We don’t scream and we have never called each other names, but if that is something you all do…well, I have a feeling you wouldn’t have started this thread if this wasn’t disturbing you.

It seems like you have three options:

1. Take it and keep going (clearly not really an option, IMO)
2. Step up and be assertive, fill in the communication gaps and see what happens.  You can’t be afraid of communication. You already know what your life will be like if you continue with the current communication style.
3. Walk.

Post # 8
Member
8472 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yes. This doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. 

Post # 9
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If he treats you this way now it won’t get any better when he has a ring on his finger.  Has he always treated you this way?

Post # 10
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@janin3:  You’re afraid. He attacks you. He’s not communicating. What, if anything, is telling you to stay?

Post # 11
Member
11 posts
Newbee

@janin3:  If you are having to ask on a forum then you already have the answer.  As a mother of a daughter that is 4 months from being married, I am going to give you the same motherly advice I would give her.  You need to postpone or call it off.  I know that there has been a lot a money spent by now, but that is the LEAST of your worries.  If this man is screaming and cursing at you now…it will only grow worse.  I dont think this is something that has just happened once and it is probably happened over other things and not just wedding issues.  I would never want my daughter to marry a man that belittles her and swears at her for ANY reason.  There is no excuse for his behavior. ZERO tolerance for a “man” that treats a female in this manner!

Post # 12
Member
316 posts
Helper bee

@motherofthebrideAR:  

I agree 100%.  This is supposed to be the best, most loving time of your life with your fiance.  If he is treating you like this NOW, how will he treat you when life gets tough (and everyone has some rain in their lives)?  If this is the best you can expect from this relationship, I would hate to see what the worst could be.

Post # 13
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

🙁 I’m sorry he’s been like that to you. I know weddings are super stressful and he probably has a full plate or something, but that’s no excuse to blame you for everything and scream and curse at you.

I second the PP and say you need to take a stand now and nip it in the bud. However, I’d be careful about how you do that; use a low, non-threatening tone of voice, be silent for a few seconds before you speak, maybe it’ll give him a chance to let whatever nasty words he said to sink in (to him).

I would also give some sort of an ultimatum to show how serious you are about not taking verbal abuse. Tell him you love him but don’t appreciate what he says and that you want to take a break for a day or two to let him cool off and fix whatever he’s got going on.

Also involve a third person if it’s so bad you think he might escalate. At least call and tell a friend what’s going on before you confront him.

Post # 14
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@janin3:  is this a common occurance or just stress from the wedding?  are you prepared to live the rest of your life like this?  i think the very least you should postpone the wedding and work on the relationship.  if you are having your doubts, there is a reason for that.  listen to your head.

Post # 15
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

At the very least, you NEED to postpone the wedding.  You can’t marry a man who you can’t communicate with because you don’t have the tools to be able to resolve the issues that will inevitably come up in the marriage (because EVERY marriage has issues).  You’re already afraid of what your life will be like if you marry him under these circumstances, so why make that misery a reality?  Maybe the issues you two have can be worked out (perhaps via counselling/therapy), but until you do work them out, please do NOT marry him!  Someone told me once that any problems you have before you get married will only be ten times worse once you’re married, and believe me, there’s a lot of truth in that statement!  I really think you need to work on making this relationship healthy and happy BEFORE it becomes a marriage!

Post # 16
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It sounds like you should definitely at the very minimum prospone the wedding.  You should not say your vows what you aren’t 100% sure you want to stay with him. 

It is alot easier to call off a wedding then it is to get a divorse.  I am not trying to say that this is definitely where you end up but it absolutely sounds like a possibility of you get married without being certain it is something that you want to do.

When it comes to a marriage it should be something that your head and your heart agree on.

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