- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
Yikes! Sorry, I read this and my “he’s cheating” flag rang super loud. Unless you completely disregarded his being hurt/bummed by being called another mans name (which is legit to an extent) Over reacting, accusing you of unfair play, and now MIA when he shouldn’t be. He can’t have a shift without his badge! Frankly, I would’ve called dispatch to confirm he was on shift at that point. I suggest some boot camp marriage counseling to resolve whatever is going on. It’s definitely easier said than done, but a wedding is not worth spending a life together especially if your gut says this isn’t working and end up in divorce anyway. GOOD LUCK!
OP, does he insist on coming with you when you have to pickup your daughter? Red flags flying up everywhere..
I think you have answered your own question here
Given the sobering stats posted by
In your case, I would document everything and give the docs to a lawyer and store a second copy in a bank box or with your parents or other support.
Then I would focus on de-escalation and withdrawal. Since he seems to want this separation, you’re actually in a better situation than if he didn’t. Treat him like a bomb ready to go off, do not mention a restraining order (they often escalate abuse at any rate and so should be used depending on situation, in yours, what good is calling the police). Do not try to get him to understand. Don’t call him out for being abusive.
Slowly back away to the door and blame a bad fit when he asks. Just keep saying he is right, not a good fit, so sorry. If he feels you might threaten his job by speaking the truth, it could escalate him so I would try very hard to be a non-issue to him.
And get your divorce quickly.
better yet, call the 800 number for RAINN and get good info from experts on how to protect yourself, they will keep your convo private and should have protocol for dealing with LEO abusers.
I think you should cancel this wedding for good and seek divorce.
Sadly, I would call off the wedding. His jealousy issues are a huge red flag and even more so his reactions. I’m with you Bee. I just called off my May 2017 weddding last week and it hurts. But I feel it is better to call of a wedding than enter a marriage with the wrong person. Sending you hugs.
This is just so sad, we have been through a lot togheter he was diagnosed with chronic myeloid leukemia we have had our ups and downs, but I have always been there for him demonstrating how much I love him and that I would never cheat on him. But as most of you said this is major red flag.
I wouldn’t be able to stay after experiencing physical abuse. It would be hard to stay after emotional abuse (the jealousy) and yes after I safely removed myself and my daughter from the situation, I would report it. His job should not be your worry!
You might feel embarrassed cancelling the wedding now but you are saving yourself and your daughter from a bad situation. It’s ok.
My ex husband pushed me one time, hard. Well I did hit the floor and immediately knew something was wrong (my collar bone was badly broken), and was in so much pain. He laughed in my face and shoved his phone in my face telling me to call the police. I was terrified he would hurt me while I was down. Eventually he passed out on the couch and I had to use the frame of the door to pull myself up to my feet, I called my friend, got my infant ready and she took me to the hospital. There’s much more to that whole story and unfortunately I went back and married him after that. Just wanted to share with you as another warning not to marry someone who would put a finger on you. You definitely deserve better. Now I have an Fiance who is much different, and it feels good to know that I never have to feel like that again. Best of luck to you, I know how difficult it can be.
I know someone who was married to an abusive cop for almost 10 years. No one ever believed her. Get you and your kid out while you can. Cop or not, that’s never ok.
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