Should I call this wedding off?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
1818 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

latinabee :  I know exactly how you feel. It’s hard to go through life frightened of saying the wrong thing because it might annoy your Fiance.

i was always being blamed for everything – from his parents finding out we were engaged before we announced it (they followed me to the bakery when I ordered the engagement cake (yes, his family had too much spare time!)) – to it being my fault he locked his keys in his car (i locked my door – but should have known he was going to lock his keys in the car, so should’ve left my door unlocked, was how his warped thinking went). I was the reason for all the things that went wrong in his life – at least according to him. 

I always tried to explain it away – he’s stressed, he’s under pressure – but over time I realized he was just an ass. After I broke up with him he tried to kill me – so all the pushing and punching in our relationship was certainly leading to more violence. Get out now while you can. There’s no excuse for being treated this way 

Post # 47
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

latinabee :  omg! He pushed you!? No way, I’d be outta there. I know it’s hard and you have paid for everything but hell no. That’s never okay. 

Post # 48
1012 posts
Bumble bee

latinabee :  Do not get married. His issues aren’t going to magically go away after the wedding. If you want to try to salvage the relationship, therapy for sure.

Post # 49
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

latinabee : 

Dear OP ,  he is not  your Fiance , he is your husband, so the only thing you would be cancelling is a celebration ceremony/party , and not going through with a religious ceremony .  Certainly you would have to  get a divorce  if it comes to it,  as you are  legally married. Yes lost money,   but  hopefully only deposits. But it does make leaving him is not quite as easy as some pps (who seem to have  missed the already married part) think.

If he has never been abusive before,  then counselling,  stat . If he has,or won’t consider counselling  , then I am with the  others –    go, go, asap.

   He can’t have been at work without his badge can he? So  that is  a bad sign , I think a pp suggested possible cheating  and projecting it on to you ….. 

If he stays out of touch , I;d contact his workplace  .  Why should he be protected and not you ?   

Post # 50
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

MAJOR RED FLAG.  He pushed you?!  Hell to the no.  Call if off now.  You deserve so much better.  Sending <3

Post # 51
127 posts
Blushing bee

Divorce. Absolutely zero tolerance for physical and emotional manipulation.

Post # 52
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Jealousy is one thing, being physically and emotionally abusive is a complete different ball game. You need to cut ties with him for your sake as well as your daughters sake. So sorry you are going through this.

Post # 53
4419 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

latinabee :  yes for your safety and that of your daughters.

His behaviour is unacceptable and you should file a report. Your neighbours witnessed it all. It is ten million times worse that he is a cop and he should not carry a badge if he cannot control impulses and behaves in this manner. 

Don’t worry about the money you have lost on canceling a wedding. Think on it as money well spent to ensure that you and your daughter are safe and out of harms way. Don’t be embarrassed either for calling off a wedding. You are doing the right thing and people will understand.

Lastly I’m sorry this happened to you. 

Post # 55
27 posts
  • Wedding: August 2017

Cancel the wedding and leave him NOW! I was in a seven year abusive relationship. Leaving him was hard and emotional at first, but it was the best decision I’ve ever made. Now, I am engaged to a man that respects me and is the complete opposite. I can relate because I called my fiance my ex’s name by accident one time when I was talking fast because they are extremely similar…Jarek and Garrett. We fought about it but in the end he realized it was an honest mistake and that there’s nothing to be concerned about. He never raised his voice or was abusive. I’m telling you from experience that your fiance should not have treated you that way and these are red flags that it will get worse. You will be out a lot more than the cost of the wedding if you go through with it and divorce him later. You also have to think about not only your safety but also your daughter’s. My advice is to call it off. Some vendors might give you a partial refund, where you’re only out the deposit. Other stuff you can sell in Facebook Wedding Groups. Please just take care of you and your daughter, and get some counseling after the fact. I did it and it helps you emotionally to deal with the breakup and not go back or question your decision. It also helps you move on, become stronger, and learn what red flags to look for so you don’t keep dating men who are abusive. Good luck sweetie! It’s not easy at first but the grass is greener on the other side. 🙂

Post # 56
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - Emerald at Queensridge

latinabee :  Leave now while it’s still fairly easy to! Do not do not do not marry an abusive man. It starts out with a push, next it’s going to be a slap or a punch or even worse. 

Post # 57
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014


If you are fearful of your partner and this behaviour is making you question if you want to be in a relationship with him then definitely postpone the wedding or try to go to Counselling asap. 

Post # 58
167 posts
Blushing bee

latinabee :  why do you feel embarrassed?  what have you done to make you feel this way?  this is not your fault! 

Post # 59
6157 posts
Bee Keeper

He put his hands on you in anger in front of your neighbors. Is this what you want your daughter to grow up with? What makes you think he wouldn’t do the same to her? Get out. 

Post # 60
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Also, you said that you’re having a Catholic ceremony, it’s way harder to get out of that than a legal civil marriage! Seriously, get out.

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