- 4 years ago
My wedding is planned for May 27, 2017. I am having a very small wedding with only 30 people. I have already had several conversations/ confrontations with both my Mother and Mother-In-Law regarding the guest list. If I invited everyone they wanted me to, the guest list would be DOUBLE or more than what I have now. THis was a decision my husband and I made together and we are not changing our plans. Our parents are giving us a bit of money for the wedding, but the majority of the cost will be mine and my husbands.
Since both of our mothers are overbearing, opinionated, and we have had many years trying to create healthy boundaries with these 2 people, we have kept their involvement in the wedding to a minimum. I decided that I would ask my mom if she would like to host my shower, to give her something to be involved with that was relatively no-risk of any major issues, and it was something she would like. (She likes hosting, likes food, likes having people over, etc). Side note – my mother is completely Narcisstic, and we have a strained relationship because of her mind games, lack of boundaries, respect, lies, etc. When I asked her, she was completely silent, and had several reason as to why this may be an issue… not the response I was hoping for. I told her if she did not want to, then she did not have to host and someone else would be happy to do it. She claimed she DID want to do it, but her response was clear – she did not want to help for whatever reason. My mother in law said she would help plan some games for the shower and my sister (MOH) offered to buy a cake and send the invites, so it was more of a group effort, in case that is what the issue was with my mom. I thought this was a good solution…
I gave my sister (MOH) my guest list, who offered to handle the invitations, which only included women invited to the wedding. I have now gotten into an arguement with both my mother and Mother-In-Law about the guest list. They both want to invite anyone they want. I told them that is poor ettiquette, and I am not inviting people to a shower that are not coming to the wedding. I feel it looks like a gift-grab and am not comfortable with it. My mother in law responded with “Well Im inviting who I want – I dont care what you think!” That was enough for me – long story short, it turned into a big arguement with her saying quite low-blow comments to me about being too controlling, and this is why I have issue with my own mother and on and one…. My husband defended me and said she (MIL) should respect what I want to do/have as a shower.
I am now considering just cancelling the shower (invites have NOT been sent yet) and tell both my Mother and Mother-In-Law that I have decided I will not be having one.
Do you think this is the best path? It does sadden me not to have one, but I dont think it is worth the stress, arguements, etc. as that is not what shower should be about. It should be happy time, with someone throwing you a shower because they care about you and want to make you happy. This shower isnt about my Mother-In-Law or my mother.