- 9 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
As a licensed therapist I think you and your fiance should seek professional help from a qualified and neutral party to discuss the seriousness of your feelings towards this situation, etc. Also, I know that the timing is horrible and your situation seems unfair, but if your beliefs are as strong as you previously stated postponing your wedding may be imperative to express to your fiance (and yourself) this behavior is unacceptable. As far as your child is concerned, whether you and your fiance marry now or not doesn’t change the fact that you both will soon be parents (although this probably isn’t how you envisioned it). It sounds like there are possible underlying issues to his substance use and no disrespect intended, but I’m doubtful you’ll find the answers you seek on this forum. Also, no matter how much you desire your fiance gets help for this problem, does “he” even recognize his marijuana use as a “problem”? It doesn’t sound like it… Until then he will not “actively” seek help or fully participate in treatment regardless of your unborn child, because to him he doesn’t have a problem. He has probably rationalized his use as recreational and feels that you are overreacting. I’m sorry to hear that you are suffering, due to this unfortunate situation, but please try to focus on your health and the health of your unborn daughter. Time is of the essence and you have some very difficult decisions which must be made rather quickly. Regardless of want YOU decide please know that we all emphasize with you, but certainly “you are the only one in your shoes”. Also, don’t threaten your fiance with things you know you won’t follow through with. Is it possible that you are just overly nervous with you pregnancy and upcoming wedding and you are having second thoughts and this is a way out? (Just food for thought) You may want to follow-up with your Medical Doctor as well because you may have a hormonal imbalance right now due to your pregnancy. Not trying to making any excuses but trying to help you evaluate various possibilities before you make such a life altering decision. You may want to check with your venue and discuss postponing it for a later date if things can’t be resolved to possibly avoid totally forfeiting all monies. Don’t let embarrassment and shame drive your decisions. Do what you feel is best for your life. A family minister or clergy may be able to immediately assist you with addressing these problems. No matter what you decide good look with everything.