(Closed) Should I cancel my wedding?I’m in a lot of pain,PLEASE HELP!!!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

As a licensed therapist I think you and your fiance should seek professional help from a qualified and neutral party to discuss the seriousness of your feelings towards this situation, etc. Also, I know that the timing is horrible and your situation seems unfair, but if your beliefs are as strong as you previously stated postponing your wedding may be imperative to express to your fiance (and yourself) this behavior is unacceptable.  As far as your child is concerned, whether you and your fiance marry now or not doesn’t change the fact that you both will soon be parents (although this probably isn’t how you envisioned it).  It sounds like there are possible underlying issues to his substance use and no disrespect intended, but I’m doubtful you’ll find the answers you seek on this forum.  Also, no matter how much you desire your fiance gets help for this problem, does “he” even recognize his marijuana use as a “problem”?  It doesn’t sound like it…  Until then he will not “actively” seek help or fully participate in treatment regardless of your unborn child, because to him he doesn’t have a problem.  He has probably rationalized his use as recreational and feels that you are overreacting.  I’m sorry to hear that you are suffering, due to this unfortunate situation, but please try to focus on your health and the health of your unborn daughter.  Time is of the essence and you have some very difficult decisions which must be made rather quickly.  Regardless of want YOU decide please know that we all emphasize with you, but certainly “you are the only one in your shoes”.  Also, don’t threaten your fiance with things you know you won’t follow through with.  Is it possible that you are just overly nervous with you pregnancy and upcoming wedding and you are having second thoughts and this is a way out? (Just food for thought)  You may want to follow-up with your Medical Doctor as well because you may have a hormonal imbalance right now due to your pregnancy.  Not trying to making any excuses but trying to help you evaluate various possibilities before you make such a life altering decision.  You may want to check with your venue and discuss postponing it for a later date if things can’t be resolved to possibly avoid totally forfeiting all monies.  Don’t let embarrassment and shame drive your decisions.  Do what you feel is best for your life.  A family minister or clergy may be able to immediately assist you with addressing these problems.  No matter what you decide good look with everything.

   

  

Post # 48
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I am not normally very blunt about giving advice to people. I am a counselor by trade, and I’m trained to listen objectively and give feedback without telling people what to do. However, with you, I”m just going to say it: do not marry him. Like others have said, it’s not a weed issue, it’s a trust issue. It is sooooo important that you stick to your boundaries. Once boundaries are broken, it’s very hard to go back and build them up again.

 

Post # 49
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

IMO you should call off the wedding. you can always get married later if he sorts himself out, but it is clearly not the right thing for now. relationships are totally built on trust and if you don’t have that then you shouldn’t commit yourself to him.

I really feel for you, its a totally horrible, messy situation 🙁 i wish you all the luck in the world sorting it out 🙁 XxX

Post # 50
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

View original reply
@EleanorRigby: i agree. weed isn’t a big deal for me, but if it were something more hardcore like crack, meth, coke, heroin – i would run for the hills and def postpone/call off indefinitely. lying is never a good way to start a marriage. you should know all there is to know about each other before walking down the aisle.

Post # 51
Member
5982 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

i suggest seeking professional help. good luck to you both

Post # 52
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m enaged to my wonderful Fiance. We have a 2 year old. Fiance smokes pot every.single.night. I come from a very pro-pot family so it’s not a deal breaker for me.

Smoking weed doesn’t make him any less capable af being a good father.

People don’t change. If you knew about this, and didn’t take action, there is no reason for him to stop. If I told Fiance that I wouldn’t be with someone who toked up, and then had a child and 2 year relationship with him, I would have no ground to stand on because I knew from the get go he was a pot head.

But having trust issues with mom is not healthy or good for you daughter.

Since you previously seemed to condone or turned a blind eye to the behavior, he thinks it’s okay. And will continue to think it’s okay until you leave him.

Actions speak louder than words, so if you mean business, you need to walk.

Now, if it was a small baggie, is it possible he might have had something innocent in it, you know, like a button or something?

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