(Closed) Should I cancel the B’ette Party?

posted 9 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
278 posts
Helper bee

This is unnecessary stress for you.  I think she should try to coordinate with the other BMS without getting you involved.  Every city has it’s budget friendly finds but I can understand that your friend may be nervous because she possibly likes things planned out to the tee.  When everyone gets there, I’m sure the attitude will change.

Perhaps it’ll be fun to get together a couple of days before the wedding instead.  Where will your wedding take place?  That way, it’s not too out of the way and you get some girly time before your big day.

I hope everything works out.

Post # 4
Member
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I’m so sorry you’re having so many difficulties regarding this.  I can totally relate.  I know it’s really easy to feel guilty about having people spend the money to throw you a party.  I agree it sounds like she’s being passive agressive.  I would suggest calling her up and being upfront and honest and telling her you feel like she is upset regarding the plans.  Tell her you didn’t want to inconvenience anyone, but you are certainly exicted about everyone coming together.  Maybe just talking it out with her on the phoen can help.

Also, maybe you can ask the Bridesmaid or Best Man that used to live in the city contact your Maid/Matron of Honor directly with some suggestions etc.  Or at least an offer of help.  Sometimes it can be really overwhelming to get so many different people together.

 I hope it all works out and that you can stil lhave a fabulous party.  Because it’s not really about having a party thrown for you, but more having a great excuse to get all your friends together and have a fabulous time, right? 🙂

 

Post # 5
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Cancel it.

Same situation here.  My Bridal Party is all over the country.  My Maid/Matron of Honor planned this great back weekend in miami.  Everyone called me to complain how expensive + inconvenient it was.  I never even expected a Bridal Party because of time, distance, $$ so it was a very generous gesture.  So basically, I made and "executive decision" and cancelled it.  Instead, the out of town BMs fly in for my shower, where they could stay with family, so much less $$.  We went out the day before the shower, I had a crazy spectacular shower, and then we went out that night.

If you are feeling people become agitated and they are complaining to you, it will obly get worse.

Post # 6
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m with pinkparfait: Cancel it and see if people can get together a couple of days before the wedding, instead. Maybe the trip seemed like a good idea to everyone a few months ago but now that economic reality has set in, they can’t handle the expense and aren’t mature enough just to be upfront with you. It sounds like it’s just stressing you out at this point, anyway. Sorry you’re having to deal with this!

Post # 8
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I agree about cancelling.  Could you do a girls’ sleepover the night before or something, instead?  Or maybe just hav a luncheon for the bridesmaids, or spa day, the day before the wedding.  That can be the bonding moment they might be trying to catch.  Just a thought.

Post # 9
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Yikes, I’m so sorry all of this is happening. I HATE passive aggressive stuff like that and I wish you weren’t experiencing it, it is so much added (and unnecessary!) stress. I’m with the others and I say as much of a bummer as it is, cancel it. You don’t need to deal with the drama. Your idea of inviting your friends to the tea party and going out after that is perfect, and if not the tea party, then I like the suggestion above about going out after your shower. I think you can make it work. I totally understand how stressful it is. I’m constantly having guilt over how much my friends and family are spending on all the wedding-related events. I feel awful about it! But I guess it is inevitable… and we either have done or will do it for them.

Post # 10
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

It might hurt her feelings, but it sounds like it will be a relief to her, too. She will probably just be upset that it didn’t work out, not upset with you. Just say that you understand she’s been worried about the time and expense of coordinating the bachelorette in a different city and you think it would be best if everyone just got together around the tea party weekend. That way their trips could accomplish a couple of different goals (bachelorette and shower) and hopefully be less expensive over all, especially if people could stay with you or with friends.

Post # 12
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I’m glad it worked out! I hope you have a blast.. I’m sure you will 🙂 

Post # 13
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I have a bridesmaid-bachelorette situation too and I have no idea what to do. I had initially chose 5 bms sister in law, sister, fiancee’s two sisters and a college friend but when I told my fiancee’s mother about my plans of who to ask, she made a comment that we had to think about the cost for people to be in the wedding and since the only people she really knew were the sisters, I assumed she was talking about them and I picked two other friends b/c my fiance already had his five. Then the same future mother in law made a comment that weddings are usually the blending of families but obviously ours wasn’t b/c his sisters weren’t bridesmaids, so we added in his two sisters and one of my brothers. Now I am stuck with one great matron (my sister in law) and 6 of the worst bms ever. My sister informed me that she may not be able to make it to my wedding because of an athletic event.
I asked them if we could go to the beach for a weekend right before the wedding to hang out do the ‘bachelorette thing’ and get a nice tan before the wedding but they all said that they couldn’t do it so I gave up. My matron tried to get them all to do something for me and found a weekend that they all agreed to be able to come and do a dinner or something about a month out. It was about a month before I had originally wanted but was excited that everyone could come and we made plans to go to the beach to just hang out, I had arranged for a free place to stay and like ‘uncaring’ I didn’t want them to spend a lot of money or do anything crazy, just spend time with me and celebrate my upcoming nuptials. Well about a week before we were to go, one friend informed me that she had waited to get a plane ticket and they were too expensive now, another said she had committed to volunteer at a film festival, another couldn’t get out of work (bartending a couple shifts), another had a test, my sister had another athletic event and the other had a work thing EVERYONE but my matron cancelled on me last second. I decided to cancel the whole event but a couple of great friends made me go and we had a blast. Although I am upset and hurt by all of them, the one who couldn’t get her bartending shift covered has me furious. She was also unable to make it to bridal shower as well because of being unable to get off of work. I am a manager in the restaurant that she works in, so through talking with people I know that she didn’t try very hard to get the shifts covered yet she is always off for things for her bf. She, nor any one of them but my matron have lifted a finger for anything and I really want to ask her to step down and not even come to the wedding. I thought I would cool down but it has been 2 weeks. If I offer to pay for her dress is there an out to this? It is just so hurtful when this hapends to you, you try to pick people to be there for you and instead you have peole who I would barely even call friends

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