(Closed) Should I cancel the wedding? Advice please…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What would you do?
    Proceed expecting that he'll come back around to our original plans : (6 votes)
    5 %
    Cancel the wedding or postpone it to a later date : (84 votes)
    71 %
    Reconsider moving in together : (25 votes)
    21 %
    Keep on living together without assurances of marriage : (5 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    2389 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I wouldn’t plan a single thing until you’re engaged.

    Post # 4
    714 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @sweetandconfused:  perhaps pre-marital classes would help him feel better about getting married this summer? I think utimately you need to decide this with him though.

    Post # 5
    4430 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    soooo you’re not engaged and booked a venue and caterer?? I’m confused.

    Post # 7
    1805 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    @sweetandconfused:  Don’t put down ANY deposits if you think there’s a chance he’ll back out. & it sounds like there’s a good chance he’s not ready. I understand his concerns, but your parents are paying so what is the issue? Don’t make plans just yet because id be worried you’d be throwing away your parents money.

    Post # 12
    12320 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    If booking a venue, telling his family and setting a date doesn’t make you officially engaged, I don’t know what does. As to whether you should postpone a wedding, if one member of the couple is having doubts, I don’t think there is any question. Maybe vendors will let you apply deposits to a future date. Before that, it sounds as if the two of you have a lot to work out. I’d strongly consider couples counseling of some kind.

    Post # 13
    1109 posts
    Bumble bee

    @sweetandconfused:  so your parents are paying for the wedding, but they don’t know your engaged? 

    If they do know, and they have been paying for your wedding then you are engaged and you should be able to tell people, you don’t need a ring. 

    It sounds like you should call it off though, he wants to keep it quiet then must not be ready to get married this june. Push it off untill you two can talk about it openly. 

    Post # 14
    1311 posts
    Bumble bee

    That’s terrible, OP! 🙁 

    For me, whenever I hear “informal engagement”, I think of years – the wedding will happen years down the road.  So for you guys to be talking in April about getting married the following June – that’s just a little over the year and the period of a “regular” formal engagement, IMO, and I would’ve asked for clarification re: the type of commitment he’s referring to.

    Was it also agreed upon that you/your family would be footing the bill?  Because that’s really unfair.  If anything, he should have contributed to the deposits so that he’d have something at stake too!

    Post # 15
    1221 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    @sweetandconfused:  I wonder if financial security really is the only thing holding him back. If so, I think you guys can get a plan in place to where you can collectively have more money and be more stable prior to the wedding. This may require you to cut out on expensive visits for now. However, him needing a couple of months to think about things sounds like he has other worries besides the financial aspect. I wouldn’t plan any more without his full commitment to the wedding and the marriage. Push the date back 2 months if you have to.

    Post # 16
    1065 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I would wait on having the wedding until you get rid of your debt and are able to start work in your new field. The wedding isn’t just about being a couple, but building a life together. I think your FI’s concerns about money are reasonable and I would deal with those first.

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