(Closed) Should I cancel wedding plans for now?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

What is your Fiance living off of right now?  Are his parents supporting him?  This may be helpful info.

Post # 5
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I’m not really sure how important being married is to you. If you want to get married soon then you could always have a small ceremony/courthouse wedding which is really inexpensive. Then, you could give yourself a year to save up and have a vow renewal and reception then. Also, you won’t be spending a lot of money up front on a wedding that you could use on living expenses in the hear and now.

I’m so sorry your Fiance is having issues finding a job. One of my BM’s (and a long time best friend) is dating a guy who has been unemployed for almost 6 months. He’s starting to go a little stir crazy. I’m sure your Fiance will find something soon though.

Post # 6
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

In My Humble Opinion I would wait until you are both able to afford a place to rent, pay for insurance, utilities, etc. Being "financially stable" is different for everyone but for me personally I would not want to enter into marriage living in one of our parents home or having to ask for money for everyday living expenses. Oh and I also live in Arizona and I know our job market is bad but he stays focused and keeps his options open I am sure he will be able to find something.

Post # 7
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

Unless you risk losing deposits, I have to agree with Betabride.  It seems like you have some other important life events to check off your list before marriage (graduation, moving out of your parents houses, finding jobs…) Perhaps you could use some of the money you are saving for your wedding towards your rent for an apartment after you graduate. 

You are very young and have plenty of time to tie the knot!

Post # 8
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

My honest opinion is to postpone.  You both need to stand on our feet before getting married.  I know you’ve been dating for 4 years,  But when you start dating at 17, the "We have been dating a while.  It’s time to get married" rules don’t apply.  It’s great that you arethinking about finances for your married life, rather than just the wedding.  that is very mature.  It sounds like you two really love each other.  I’m sure it will be hard, but I believe in waiting.. Good luck.

Post # 9
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Hello Kireos… my Fiance returned from his mission less than a year ago and we got engaged on Christmas 2008, we are planning a May 30, 2009 wedding and I can understand the stress mixed with the difficult job market.  I am a student and work full time and he was lucky enough to be able to work for his family business while looking for a better job.  For us we decided to have a smaller wedding, paying for our own with little help from both his folks and mine.  For us, marriage is first before we can begin our lives together so we plan on living with my mother (in law apt) after getting married to save and buy our first house together.  It really depends on how important marriage is to the both of you at this point and maybe think about the reasons why you both want to be married.. maybe enjoying your engagement until you can save is best… I too have had the SAME thoughts about waiting, etc. but for us we decided it was what we both wanted and are moving forward with the wedding… BEST WISHES!!

Post # 10
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I also agree that now adays it’s definately the smartest decision to think financially first.  If you’re living together with your parents, while you still both attend school, and he doesnt have any income coming in, I would definately wait.  If it’s being married that is important to you, not the whole masquerade that you produce for your guests, you could always go to the courthouse and have an official ceremony when the time is right.  I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that at all, it’s your life and whatever you feel you should do and what makes sense, do that.  

Post # 11
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’m going to chime in and agree with the above posters that *I* personally would postpone in your situation.  I think it would be very hard to begin a new marriage while living with parents, though of course it’s definitely not unheard of.  But I think since you are already worrying about how you will manage your finances together, the uncertainty and dependency that will come with being married and unable to support yourselves together will be very stressful.  Remember that financial concerns are the biggest source of marital problems.  If you are already feeling the pinch, it will be much harder after getting married (I’m not married yet but even after a couple of years of living together the decision to get engaged has brought up many financial differences that we are working hard to resolve before our wedding day).  I do however think it’s great that you are thinking about this now.  Perhaps it can be a catalyst for you both to have a more detailed discussion about how you envision your financial future (incl. things like whether you expect to pay for your kids’ college tuition, when and how you would think about retiring, savings and investment habits)…I think this is much easier to do *before* marriage.

OTOH, I do think you need to respect your faith and values as well.  If getting married soon after he returns from his mission is very important in your church, that might impact your decision.  I’m totally speculating here, but if this is something that might be of concern, could you discuss it with a pastor as well?

Post # 12
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Is it imperative you live by yourselves immediately after marriage? What is the possibility of you both living with one of your parents after marriage? Do either have a basement or a slightly separate area you could have to yourselves as a sort of apartment? You could arrange to pay rent to them but it would probably be a lot cheaper than rent you would pay to a landlord. That might allow you to deal in the short-term until he gets a job and you can move out. 

On the other hand, getting married is supposed to come with the responsibility of being able to support yourselves financially, and if you just aren’t ready for that, then maybe postponing is the best thing for you. I think it would depend to on how much money you would lose in deposits too. Have you checked with your vendors? They might allow you to reschedule for a later date and not lose your deposit if you agree to still use their services. Good luck!

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