Post # 1
I just got engaged a little more than a week ago and my Fiance and I have now been together for over 6 years and we want to get married sooner rather than later. In fact, we are looking at early fall this year. However, some friends we tell have their eyes pop out and say “wow so SOON?” in a very dissapproving way. I don’t know, I feel weird and it takes away from how excited I am when I share plans with these friends and bothers me. I know what they say shouldn’t matter and it doesn’t affect what I will do but I seriously wish some people were raised with better manners and taught to keep unneeded negative opinions to themselves!
Also, I just found out a friend of mine got engaged aroudn the same time I did and called all our mutual friends except me to let them know. I let her know the minute I got engaged to share my happiness with her. I’m just sad she didn’t want to share hers with me and hurt she left me out of her good news.
Am I nuts to let this stuff get to me? Sigh, it is not the best of evenings.
Post # 3
Sometimes people act this way. I too want a shorter engagement, some folks like to be engaged for a while longer (especially when they have things like school etc to finish). I am hoping for a 6-11 month engagement myself.
Post # 4
If you’ve been together for over 6 years they should have seen this coming! Its their oversight but its your time now! Don’t let the negativity bring you down.
Post # 5
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS!! If you want support, you are in the right place!
Getting engaged is an emotional time as it is, mostly positive emotions, but people’s reactions to it can really throw you for a loop. Try not to let these things effect you too much, don’t let them put a damper on your happy time!
People get engaged and married within less than a year, don’t worry! But everyone has their own opinions about what the right “timing” is. After being together for 6 years, people should understand your desire to get married within this year!
People will never learn when to keep their mouths shut, and they may not realize that it hurts your feelings. Maybe you should voice your opinion and be assertive when they hurt your feelings. You never know, maybe a quick conversation could turn things around.
Post # 6
My advice is try to ignore it. (I know that’s hard though.) You’ll see pretty quickly that some people will always express their (unwelcome) opinions about your wedding plans, whether you ask for them or not. It kind of sucks. But remember that your real friends will support you no matter what in how you decide to plan your wedding.
As for “other engaged friend”, just be the bigger woman and call her/ email her to say “congrats, I heard about your engagement. That’s so exciting.” It will probably make her feel bad that she didn’t get in touch with you to begin with 😉
Post # 7
I would try my best not to be upset. Some people don’t have filters. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t have a shorter engagement if you don’t want one. They may not be disapproving, they may just be wondering how you’re going to be able to get all of the planning done. It’ll definitely be a bit more stressful than a longer engagement but that doesn’t mean its wrong. Enjoy the engagement. But just know that, especially with women, engagements and weddings bring out the worst traits in some of the people around you. You’ll see once you start to read more posts, it happens daily but we’re hear to help you sound off.
With regard to the friend not calling you. It sounds to me that she was trying not to steal your thunder. Again, some people react in strange ways to situations like this. I’m sure she is happy and can’t wait to share it all with you but she may be over diligently trying to make sure she doesn’t step on your toes. I’d call her and say, “I heard your engaged now, congrats! I’m so happy for you, tell me all about it”. I bet she’ll be so thrilled.
Post # 8
I’m pretty sure I’d react the same way. But I’m kind of sensitive. Do you have an idea why they might say so soon? Are you thinking they are disapproving of the relationship? Is it possible they are thinking you’re too young, or that having less than a year to plan is hard ot pull off? Maybe you’re making more out of it than is the reality. Perhaps the friend who got engaged is concerned she’s taking some of your spotlight.
If it bothers you, maybe you can ask your friends why they think this fall is “so soon”. and why the friend didn’t tel you her good news.
Post # 9
I just got engaged this Christmas after 6 years of living with my Boyfriend or Best Friend and we want to get married this Fall, too.
Just let the negativity roll off your back – after 6 years, girl, we are ready!!!
Post # 10
Thanks everyone! I did actually call her the SECOND I found out through our mutual friends and left her a vm to tell her how happy I am for her and asked her to call me back. Let’s see what happens!
I know, I just have to get a bit thicker skin and let silly comments pass me by. How do you desensitize yourself?! haha
Post # 11
I am sorry people arn’t being as supportive as you hoped…but if you want support, come here 🙂
Post # 12
haha citywalkr – I feel you!
Post # 13
They probably were just suprised it was so soon not for the reason of you two rushing, like it may seem, but rather finding it hard to believe you would get everything done that quickly. Most people think a year is standard. I got the same reaction when I told people of our 15 month engagement. I just said, “Well, that’s when it works for us”. They still ask me why I don’t move it up and I repeat. 🙂 My Fiance made me realize that the wedding is my/our day and I don’t need to worry what other people think or explain my decisions to anyone. I tell you, it was the greatest stress relief. This is your party and celebration and you can choose to go as traditional or off beat or as soon or long as you want.
Post # 14
congrats on the engagement!
that’s still a good 8 months! not to mention if you’ve been together 6 years already, and you’ve got everything in order (finances, school, etc) and you don’t want to have a 1 year + engagement than you shouldnt!
my Future Sister-In-Law had a 5 month engagement, and she got that comment sooo much, more so than “congratulations!”
Post # 15
You know what I just realised after reading all your supportive comments? That maybe my friends are surprised because they think it’s too hard for me to pull off planning a wedding in so short a time. What they don’t know is that in the last week I managed to investigate venues with my Fiance, have one picked out, have food and cake tastings lined up, DJs researched and centerpieces priced out. Yes ladies, I am addicted to wedding planning long before getting engaged and now the beast is let loose. So I’m really a lot farther along than most people expect!
Post # 16
I agree with Talishazwi, that I’m sure people’s “so soon?” comment isn’t about your relationship at all, but only disbelief that you’re going to pull it all off in that short of a time period. As soon as you get the major stuff booked, it will seem much less overwhelming to people who probably love you and just don’t want to see you disappointed.
My engagement will be nine months to the day (Oct 9-July 9), and I got that a LOT at first, saying I’ll never find a venue, and the bridal store ladies are going to be snarky that I’m ordering my dress late… etc etc.
While it’s true that you might not get your first choice of everything with a short engagement, if you know what you like and don’t need to dwell on every tiny decision (not that there’s anything wrong with that), you can pull it off for sure!
I just tell people that I work best under pressure!