Should I change my last name when getting married?

posted 2 years ago in Traditions
  • poll: What do you think I should do?

    Tongue twister name

    Keep my last name

  • Post # 16
    97 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    I never thought it would be a hard decision to change a name, but it is!  Now that I’ve been married a month, I’m struggling with it.  I may just keep my whole name as is and add his last name onto the end of it without hyphenating.  It’d be a lot to say, but then I’d still get to keep my last name too.  In my mind I realize once I make a decision, I won’t look back and it’ll be fine.  I’m just putting way too much thought into it.

    I don’t think Quinn Croom is difficult to say.  I think it actually works well together, they are both five letters and similar in syllables.  Good luck in your decision!!


    Post # 17
    711 posts
    Busy bee

    Quinn Croom is not bad at all. It’s only a tongue twister is you ty to say it quickly 5 times –  it why would you ever do that..?

    If you don’t want to change it tho – which it sounds like your gut is saying – then don’t for now. You might end up changing your mind later down the line, or if you have kids etc. And it’s still fine to do it then.

    I would, however, also vote for the double-barrelled last name – adding CRoom on to the end of your own. I would do that, but it just doesn’t really work for mine unfortunately, both of mine and my FIs names are relatively long / stand out on their own sorta way. 

    Post # 18
    5416 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I’ll second the post that asks if he could take your last name? 

    Post # 19
    455 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    I think it is important for your FH to seriously consider why he would be opposed to changing his name. A lot of men have really bad reasons for being so opposed to it. Make him sit with it and point out that you are the one who will have to do all the compromising. I’d push for that middle name, if I were you. I think Croom isn’t a great name (sorry), but Pryor is cool sounding. Quinn Pryor sounds like a storybook character and that is awesome!

    For what it’s worth, you don’t have to change your name right away. You could give it some time.

    Post # 20
    1610 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    quinnegner :  Why not just add your fh name on the end and go by three names? A la Michael Clark Duncan. For example? 

    I did this with my first marriage to keep my father’s  last name too. Just a thought. 

    Post # 21
    24 posts

    View original reply
    quinnegner :  Bee, there’s no one-size-fits-all right answer here. You will have to do what is right for you, your FH, and your family.

    I love my name- first middle and last. Like, LOVE. Before getting engaged to my Fiance I never thought I would even consider changing my last name. But after lots of thought and discussion, I will be taking his last name.  For me, the idea of sharing his name has become so significant and romantic. Instead of viewing it as patriarchal like I did when I was single, it has come to represent the joining of two into one, and the establishment of us as a family. So, that’s what works for me. But it is not the same for everyone.

    I think we all should just do what works for best for us. 

    Post # 22
    773 posts
    Busy bee


    He likes ‘Croom’ over ‘Pryor’? Lol! Wtf?! This is a no-brainer!

    My dad had all our last names changed. Then one of my friend changed both his first AND last names.

    Can you try that angle that it’s not that big of a deal? He can switch his names around and put ‘Croom’ as his middle name and still use it as his own last name but on official documents, his last name could be ‘Pryor’. 

    I know plenty of people who use their middle name as their last name because they like the way it sounds better than their last names. But their last names are different on their official documents.


    Post # 23
    9988 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    justabee17 :  

    I do think you are quite right and thoughtful when you say that  these  decisions are very individual   and deserve careful  thought.  However, I have to take a bit of an   issue with  this  ” instead of viewing it as patriarchal like I did when I was single, it has come to represent the joining of two into one, and the establishment of us as a family.” 

    Because  you no  longer view it as patriarachal does not stop it being so .  Abandoning your own  name , taking  the man’s name to mean that two symbolically are one , ( well yes, him)  and that his name  is now the family name is an essential artifact of partriarchy. It is your perfect right  to do this, of course and I am  not passing judgement , just saying    what you have done is to accept a patriarchal  tradition,  not in any way to change it or make it not one . 

    Post # 24
    24 posts

    View original reply
    elderbee :  Bee, you are certainly entitled to “take a bit of an issue” with MY thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that have absolutely no impact on you or your life. I choose to use my right, to which I am entitled, to not care about your opinion in the slightest. 

    As always, I maintain my belief that we all should just do what works for us. And as an addendum to that– to disabuse ourselves of the notion that strangers have to agree or approve of our choices. 

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