(Closed) Should I change my last name?

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Are you planning to change your last name?
    Yes, I'll be Mrs. Husbandsname : (21 votes)
    60 %
    Yes, I'm hypenating so I'll be Mrs. Last-Name : (1 votes)
    3 %
    No, I'm keeping my given name. : (10 votes)
    29 %
    Other : (0 votes)
    I haven't decided : (3 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1941 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I am currently keeping my name. I am not sure about whether or not I will hyphenate when we have kids, I probably will…. but maybe not. 

    I love my last name, its been with me since birth and I think my first and last name sound really good together. 

    I love my DH but I do not love his last name (its Hunt, for the record… something I am not fond of and do not participate in as a sport). WHY does his last name have to be an activity I really really hate? LOL

    I think it bugs DH to an extent, but he accepts it and I am grateful. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    2854 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I thought about hyphenating my name, but my last name is already long, 9 letters, and SO’s is 6 letters. I don’t want to lose my last name, so I plan on just having two middle names: First, Middle, Middle (maiden), New last.

    My mom kept her maiden name, and as a kid I always felt awkward having to say “no she’s my mom, she kept her name.” I know it’s more common these days, but I want to take SO’s name partially because of that.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2550 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I kept my name and love it like that. It’s part of who I am. When I have children, I won’t need to have the same last name as them. I don’t really get this argument, although obviously I respect this choice. But isn’t the fact that they’re my children enough to make us a family?

    Post # 6
    Member
    2832 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I am changing my name. I want FI and I to have the same name. I don’t have a big attachment to my last name, although it will be weird to not have it anymore.

    Post # 7
    Hostess
    3376 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @Nicole_Lee:  For me, I had a terrible childhood and I couldn’t WAIT to get rid of my name. That, and I absolutely love being Mrs. Hendrickson now.

    It’s certainly different for everyone though!

    Post # 8
    Member
    1094 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I was sort of indifferent to it, but FI is VERY traditional and meant A LOT to him.  SO i will change it happily for him.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1242 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @Nicole_Lee:  What a great blog post. I kept my lastname, and I can totally relate as I also faced all of those questions (and more…including my own mother telling me that “I’m selfish” for keeping my lastname). We too tried to eliminate some of the traditional “who gives this woman away” from our wedding script and didnt do a bouquet or garter toss. My last name is part of my identity, and it’s important for my career that I keep it. So I did. 🙂

    ETA: i only answered one of your questions. It’s pretty common in academia to keep your last name, so I know quite a few women who have kept theirs. And ironically, given how opposed to me keeping my last name she was “for the sake of the future children”, I do have a different last name than my mom as she is remaried. It’s never been a problem for us, but then again she waited until I was 18 to change it. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    453 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I will be taking his last name. It was kind of a shock when it hit me that I was going to be a Mrs. HisName. I’ve been Ms MyName my whole life!

    But the more I said it out loud, the more I’ve come to accept and like it. I’m now excited to make the change. I’ve also started my photography under my future new name, because we’re getting married here in just over two short months and I want to keep it consistent. So I’ve become used to seeing my future married name, and I really adore it. I also like the idea of sharing a namesake with my new family, and building something new out of it together.

    That being said, I completely understand why people keep their last names. It’s not for me, but neither is changing it for some people.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1623 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I kept my last name.  He knew that’s what I wanted, we didn’t even discuss it….although I did half-heartedly offer to hyphenate for social circumstances (but that hasn’t come to pass).  We’re not having children, so that made it a particularly easy decision, although I’m not sure I wouldn’t have made the same decision.  It just erks me that there’s an assumption that 1) I should take his name, wholly or as a hypenation, and 2) that children will have his name.  I find all of the options of names (his/mine/hypen/new name all round/children hyphenated etc etc) to be problematic one way or the other.

    Post # 12
    Member
    6361 posts
    Bee Keeper

    My FI is taking my last name.

    I may take on his bachelor name as a second middle name.

    Post # 13
    Hostess
    3381 posts
    Sugar bee

    @Nicole_Lee:

     Firstly: a big warm welcome to the hive!!

    Just so you know for the future: the TOS states that we cannot post links to our blogs except on the main blog post (stickied) each month.

    viii.      We do not allow members to self promote  on the boards.  This includes links to your personal blog or website  (outside of the monthly “Share Your Blogs” thread), contests that you, your  friends, or family are a part of, your Etsy shop or other business ventures,  your classified ads or other sale items, invite codes for sale sites, and other  links that may afford you tangible gain.  We also request that members not  use the site to conduct market research, school research, or other information  gathering for personal gain.  Signature lines are not permitted.  For  information on the history of our Self Promotion Policy, you can see the  original discussions here  and here.

    ETA: I just wrote a super long response to you question that isn’t showing.

    Summary – I will change my name, I want my family to all share one name (though whether it’s hyphenated or not doesn’t matter so long as they’re the same).  The only person I know who didn’t change left her husband for another man 18 months after their wedding.  🙁

    Post # 14
    Member
    794 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I will eventually be taking his last name.  I have stalled for various reasons money, time, laziness, anxiety etc.  When we were filling out the paperwork for our marriage license I went into hysterics and started sobbing because I didn’t want to change it.  Now I am just mildly opposed but know I have to do it.  I hate the thought of giving up my name but I know it will make everything easier for future children to have just one family name.

    Post # 15
    Member
    4691 posts
    Honey bee

    I’m taking his last name for sure. I never even considered another option. Ever since I was little, I knew I would take my husband’s last name, whatever it was. I’m not particularly fond of my maiden name anyway. Convenience is just an added bonus.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2612 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

    I am planning on keeping my name as a second middle name and taking FH’s last name. It may seem silly to some and outdated but I always thought of changing my name when I got married. Except when dating guys with horrible unpronounceable last names, LOL. Thankfully FH’s name is not like that, it’s Braun. 

    Many women I work with kept their last names. They have all told me it made things difficult with their children. That’s not a big part of my decision but since others mentioned it I thought I’d share. Seems like they spend a lot of time somehow proving they are in fact the child’s mother?! Even with their husbands on issues like insurance etc it is always an extra conversation, yes but my husband has a different last name..etc. While they all admit it has caused them issues none of them regret it completely, though one woman said if she could go back maybe she would change it for her daughters sake. At the time they gave their daughter both their last names but she said no one ever looked at more than just the husbands last name. 

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