Post # 1
So I was dead set on NOT changing due to thinking its an outdated practice, etc. But I’m really not sure! Fiance says it is my choice to change or not… but really he wants me to change it, mainly for a cohesive family name. I’m not attached to my maiden name at all though it is simple and WEIRD. If I see anyone with my last name, they are somehow related. The reason I cannot make up my mind: His last name is Smith. He is NOT willing to change his to anything else. They don’t rhyme or anything but we routinely make fun of how ridiculous my last name hyphenated with his sounds, so not too hot on that idea (or hypenating names in general- wouldn’t this just cause as many problems as being one of a million Smiths?). Any advice?
Post # 2
I’m planning on keeping my name, but unofficially going by his as well/instead when I feel like it; if we have kids they will have both our names hyphenated officially, but go by his only day to day. Something like that could be an option?
Post # 3
queenieheather: I’m going to give my standard disclaimer here–I feel very strongly about not changing my name (this means no hyphenating, no making my maiden name my middle name, none of that at all), so take that into account as you read my post.
All I will say is that I would be even more opposed to changing my name, if such a thing were possible, if I were being asked to do so by a man who categorically refuses to consider changing his own. Also, what is your view on the necessity of a shared family name? If you don’t believe it is necessary but are willing to compromise because your partner is dead-set on a shared family name because a shared family name has symbolic meaning to him, I believe he needs to be much more open to creative options like coming up with an entirely new name or somehow combining your names into a new one, though with “Smith” that might be very hard. You having to change your name because he wants a shared name and has no intention of changing his name seems a bit off to me.
Post # 4
Could you have your maiden name as your middle name and his as your surname?
Post # 5
I’m with MarriedToMyWork: I just hate seeing women feeling they have to change their name for someone who won’t even consider doing the same for them. Please don’t do it unless you truly want to for YOU. There are thousands of women these days who don’t change their names and it doesn’t make them any less of a family or seem to be a problem. It can be nice and even useful having a unique name, I don’t think I would want to give that up for ‘Smith’ (fine as that name is!).
Post # 6
I chose to vote OTHER. Here is my decision on this topic. I really would only want to change my name if there were children involved. If Children arrive, I will drop my middle name and take his last name for ease of cohesion, until then, I see no real reason. – People will socially call me Mrs. (his lastname) anyway- thats fine. I can still have my beautiful name on paper.
Post # 7
queenieheather: I wouldn’t change my name in your situation. You can always go by it socially.