Post # 1
So, this is terrible, but it’s less than 2 months until the wedding, and I still haven’t decided on whether I should change my name. I had always planned on not, I guess partially because my mom said she always regretted giving up her maiden name without much of a thought (my parents are still married, she just thinks it would have been nice to keep her maiden, which is now her middle name, but I mean, no one would know that).
Another big reason I have wanted to keep my name is that I am part-Hispanic, and I have a Mexican last name – and I am very involved in the Latino community. My fiance is white, and has a very English-sounding last name. I want to keep some of my heritage, because I am proud of it. I originally thought about making my name First Maiden New Last, but I have just begun to feel like, for all practical purposes, that is about the same as just changing my name altogether, because how often does anyone really ask your middle name?
So, I know I am not going to just take his name outright, but I know he’d like people to know I’m his wife – which I also would like, I mean, I would love for people at hiw work parties to call me Mrs. W, and to know I am his wife. But I want my friends to call me by my maiden, and same goes for my co-workers.
So the two choices I am deciding between are going by First Maiden Last, as in "Eva Longoria Parker" – making the maiden my middle and actually using all three, just no hyphen. But, like Eva, I’d mainly be called by my maiden – she is generally called Eva Longoria, but sometimes referred to as Mrs. Parker. The other option is hyphenating, as in Ashlee Simpson-Wentz. It would make sure both names are included, but would be kinda of annoying, because then all people would have to say two names.
What should I do??
Post # 3
This is such a personal decision, it’s hard to really give advice. I’ve been very attached to my name and struggled a lot with my decision. I had originally resolved to hyphenate, BUT, in the end decided to go First Maiden New Last. My reasoning was that when we have kids, I want us all to have the same last name- I don’t want them to wonder why I have a different last name. I don’t know if you plan to have kids, but that would be something I would consider, if you do.
Post # 4
I definitely do plan on having kids, and we will give them his name, b/c it’s a lot to give kids two names. So I am really just trying to decide between the "Eva Longoria Parker" versus the "Ashlee Simpson-Wentz." I guess I am trying to figure out which would get me what i want – i.e. people know i am married to him, but I still go by the maiden name in most situations.
Post # 5
I keeping my name. I hate paperwork!
Anyway, you can keep your name and still go by your husband’s last for social situations. In fact, many people will make this mistake automatically. You just won’t need to correct them.
Post # 6
ive been thinking about this lately too and all the paperwork involved, i think i still will do it….. eventually. 6 more months to worry about it..
Post # 7
Have you asked your Fiance for his take on the matter? To echo the other commenters, this is a highly personal subject.
I didn’t realize it was such a dealbreaker for my fiance. About two months before the wedding my paternal grandmother died and I thought outloud about not changing my name, as it was her name for most of her life and I wanted to continue to share it with her and my father. My now-husband was completely against me not changing my name. I even told him our children could have his name with no mention of mine, but he wouldn’t budge.
He wouldn’t have minded hyphenation, but my last name is REALLY long and hard to pronounce and his is not much shorter and just as hard to say, so unfortunately hyphenating was NEVER an option. My hyhpehnated last name would be impossible to say and people would hate me right away. He wouldn’t have minded if I took it as my middle name, but my middle name is a family name so that wasn’t really an option. So I just caved and changed it, bitching and moaning through all of the paperwork. 🙂
Good luck with the decision!
Post # 8
I second bluegreenjean! I already have a hyphenated last name, so adding on my husband’s last name would not work out well (the inevitable problem with hyphenation). So I have kept my last name and use his last name when we’re at his work functions or among his family. For the most part, I’m still using and called by my maiden name, but am known by my husband’s name at his workplace.
Post # 9
I am just taking his name and dropping my last all together.
However, if I were doing anything else it would be changing my middle name to my maiden. I wouldn’t want the super long last name! But that’s just me! Do what you think will be best. You can always change it again, right? (Your mom can too, I believe!)
Post # 10
You can also just wait and see before deciding what you want to do. Many people do change their names right away after getting married, but who says you can’t take your time and go with your feeling once you have one?
Post # 11
I’m going the First Maiden Last route – I want to take his last name, but keeping my father’s name is also very important to me.
Post # 12
i always thought I would change but keep my maiden name professionally since my name is very important in my profession. I spoke with my Fiance about it and he is fine with whatever I want to do. The closer we get to the wedding more I freak out about it so I’ve decided to just wait and see how I feel. I think eventually I will do it but it makes me panic to think having a set day to do it. Re: your own question it is so personal all I can say is I’ve never been a fan of hyphenation I much prefer Eva Longoria Parker. Good luck!
Post # 13
If you want to use one last name or the other, but not necessarily both at the same time, I would do the two-word last name without a hyphen. The hyphen makes it more all one word, more difficult to break up.
But if the only situations wherein you want people to call you "Mrs. W" are informal social situations, why change your name officially at all? You won’t need to pull out a photo ID to prove your last name! 🙂 When you have kids someday they will probably call you Mrs. W whether you like it or not!
I would start using his last name socially as appropriate after the wedding and see how it fits. If you like it, change it officially. But there’s no rush! There’s no time limit on when you have to change the name by. Good luck!
Post # 14
My family is Puerto Rican. My two aunts never changed their names. And they both married Puerto Ricans as well.
My mom’s sister- never changed her name- and she has three kids, two of which in college, one in high school. The kids don’t seem to care.
My uncle’s wife, she never changed her name, and they have two young kids.
So, just leading by example (from my two aunts). If you wanted to keep your first name. It’s been done. They don’t feel any guilt or harbor second thoughts over their personal choice.
I just wanted to throw that out there for ya. I don’t think you need to decide now though. One of my friends waited a year before she made her final choice.
But I hear you. It’s a personal decision! Do what makes you feel comfortable.
Post # 15
This is a very personal decision, and you don’t have to make it now. I didn’t even go about doing my name change until a few months after we were married. I have a friend who has been married 2 years that just now decided to change her name. Think long and hard about it, and do the change when you are good and ready!
Post # 16
wow, now that I think about this it makes me wonder what I will do when I get to that point. I am an only child and we joke about when we get married he should take my last name (he has 9 siblings) to carry on my family name but I will want to take his last name as mine and be "Ann Smith". My cousin many years ago changed from using her middle name of "Marie" to her maiden and then using her husband’s last name so now she goes by Ann Green Smith as a formality but day-to-day and with their children she goes by Ann Smith. I will most likely do the same as I am an only child and my family name is very much a part of who we are and also coincidentally my last name was his grandma’s maiden name so in honor of my family and his grandma (who his mom insists brought us together in a heavenly way) I will go that route.