(Closed) Should I Change My Name?? Advice Needed!

posted 9 years ago in Names
Post # 3
773 posts
Busy bee

This is such a personal decision, it’s hard to really give advice.  I’ve been very attached to my name and struggled a lot with my decision.  I had originally resolved to hyphenate, BUT, in the end decided to go First Maiden New Last.  My reasoning was that when we have kids, I want us all to have the same last name- I don’t want them to wonder why I have a different last name.  I don’t know if you plan to have kids, but that would be something I would consider, if you do.

Post # 5
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I keeping my name.  I hate paperwork!

Anyway, you can keep your name and still go by your husband’s last for social situations.  In fact, many people will make this mistake automatically.  You just won’t need to correct them.


Post # 6
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

ive been thinking about this lately too and all the paperwork involved, i think i still will do it….. eventually. 6 more months to worry about it..

Post # 7
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

Have you asked your Fiance for his take on the matter? To echo the other commenters, this is a highly personal subject.

I didn’t realize it was such a dealbreaker for my fiance. About two months before the wedding my paternal grandmother died and I thought outloud about not changing my name, as it was her name for most of her life and I wanted to continue to share it with her and my father. My now-husband was completely against me not changing my name. I even told him our children could have his name with no mention of mine, but he wouldn’t budge.

He wouldn’t have minded hyphenation, but my last name is REALLY long and hard to pronounce and his is not much shorter and just as hard to say, so unfortunately hyphenating was NEVER an option. My hyhpehnated last name would be impossible to say and people would hate me right away. He wouldn’t have minded if I took it as my middle name, but my middle name is a family name so that wasn’t really an option. So I just caved and changed it, bitching and moaning through all of the paperwork. 🙂

Good luck with the decision!

Post # 8
5 posts

I second bluegreenjean!  I already have a hyphenated last name, so adding on my husband’s last name would not work out well (the inevitable problem with hyphenation).  So I have kept my last name and use his last name when we’re at his work functions or among his family.  For the most part, I’m still using and called by my maiden name, but am known by my husband’s name at his workplace.

Post # 9
397 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I am just taking his name and dropping my last all together. 

However, if I were doing anything else it would be changing my middle name to my maiden.  I wouldn’t want the super long last name! But that’s just me!  Do what you think will be best.  You can always change it again, right? (Your mom can too, I believe!)

Post # 10
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

You can also just wait and see before deciding what you want to do. Many people do change their names right away after getting married, but who says you can’t take your time and go with your feeling once you have one?

Good luck!

Post # 11
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I’m going the First Maiden Last route – I want to take his last name, but keeping my father’s name is also very important to me.

Post # 12
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

i always thought I would change but keep my maiden name professionally since my name is very important in my profession. I spoke with my Fiance about it and he is fine with whatever I want to do. The closer we get to the wedding more I freak out about it so I’ve decided to just wait and see how I feel. I think eventually I will do it but it makes me panic to think having a set day to do it. Re: your own question it is so personal all I can say is I’ve never been a fan of hyphenation I much prefer Eva Longoria Parker. Good luck!

Post # 13
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

If you want to use one last name or the other, but not necessarily both at the same time, I would do the two-word last name without a hyphen. The hyphen makes it more all one word, more difficult to break up.

But if the only situations wherein you want people to call you "Mrs. W" are informal social situations, why change your name officially at all? You won’t need to pull out a photo ID to prove your last name! 🙂 When you have kids someday they will probably call you Mrs. W whether you like it or not! 

I would start using his last name socially as appropriate after the wedding and see how it fits. If you like it, change it officially. But there’s no rush! There’s no time limit on when you have to change the name by. Good luck!

Post # 14
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

My family is Puerto Rican. My two aunts never changed their names. And they both married Puerto Ricans as well.

My mom’s sister- never changed her name- and she has three kids, two of which in college, one in high school. The kids don’t seem to care.

My uncle’s wife, she never changed her name, and they have two young kids.

So, just leading by example (from my two aunts). If you wanted to keep your first name. It’s been done. They don’t feel any guilt or harbor second thoughts over their personal choice. 

I just wanted to throw that out there for ya. I don’t think you need to decide now though. One of my friends waited a year before she made her final choice.

But I hear you. It’s a personal decision! Do what makes you feel comfortable.  

Post # 15
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

This is a very personal decision, and you don’t have to make it now.  I didn’t even go about doing my name change until a few months after we were married.  I have a friend who has been married 2 years that just now decided to change her name.  Think long and hard about it, and do the change when you are good and ready!

Post # 16
1428 posts
Bumble bee

wow, now that I think about this it makes me wonder what I will do when I get to that point. I am an only child and we joke about when we get married he should take my last name (he has 9 siblings) to carry on my family name but I will want to take his last name as mine and be "Ann Smith". My cousin many years ago changed from using her middle name of "Marie" to her maiden and then using her husband’s last name so now she goes by Ann Green Smith as a formality but day-to-day and with their children she goes by Ann Smith. I will most likely do the same as I am an only child and my family name is very much a part of who we are and also coincidentally my last name was his grandma’s maiden name so in honor of my family and his grandma (who his mom insists brought us together in a heavenly way) I will go that route.

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