Post # 1
I’ve been stalking the forums for some time now and this is my first post. I’m in a difficult situation and don’t know what to do.
My fiance and I are getting married in July. We have already booked our photographer and had an engagement session with her. Ordinarily, you would think we were in a good place.
Photography is a big deal for me, one of the areas that I was willing to spend on. My fiance at the time constantly stressed and complained about budget, so at the time, against my gut feeling, I booked someone that we both thought was slightly awkward. I hate myself for having done it but at the time I thought we could save some money to make him happy and that maybe our photographer would warm up after we get to know her.
At and after the engagement session, my fiance and I did still feel slightly awkward. In fact, had to try to think of things to say to her constantly to make things less awkward. I know we don’t have to be BFFs with all our vendors but it was kind of weird that we were trying so hard and she wasn’t really trying at all (it seems) to carry a conversation. My fiance also commented about how he still feels awkward with her and questions why we went with her in the first place (I guess he doesn’t realize I did it for him to relieve some of the budget constraints).
More recently, we had some email exchanges with our photographer and my fiance completely flipped out at some of her responses and, at the time, thought she sounded completely rude and b!tchy. I know he overreacted a little and he has since calmed down. But that has gotten me wondering whether we should book with someone else for our wedding. We had previously considered another photographer that I had turned down because he was more expensive. It turns out he is still available and willing to do our wedding. But it would mean we lost our 40% deposit with our first photographer.
I had a discussion with my fiance and he is adamant now that we should not change photographers and waste more money.. But I am so worried that we would continue to feel awkward with our photographer on our wedding day – who is the vendor we spend 10 hours or more with! I was even willing to pull that money out of my own savings but he doesn’t want to because he sees it as waste. But in my opinion I would rather waste a bit of money knowing that we would have a good time together that day with our photographer than everyone feeling awkward and grumpy. What should I do? Should I continue to insist and hope that he calms down eventually, or should I just back down and hope for the best? I am truly grateful for anyone’s thoughts/opinions. Cheers.
Post # 2
nousmangeons: What exactly did your photographer do or say that make you feel like they were being bitchy? Can you afford without hardship to lose the amount you’ve paid AND hire a more expensive photographer?
Post # 3
nousmangeons: YES. If you are unhappy, change NOW while you can! We were in the same situation-lower prices, awkward engagement shoot, she was rude in her e-mails, etc. I ended up firing her and went with someone my sister knew. She was WONDERFUL! We just got married on May 10th. If you didn’t like the photographer then, you aren’t going to like her on your wedding day! And let’s face it, you’re going to spend ALL DAY with him/her! You need someone who isn’t awkward, and who can actually direct you all during the shoots!
Post # 4
starfish0116: I would say that the comment is minor and I would even give her the benefit of the doubt that emails are not always interpreted in the best light. But the awkward feeling has been there for some time (I know I should have just trusted my gut at the time; but it’s too late for that) and we just don’t get the feeling that she is very friendly. At first, I thought (and hoped) that it was just an initial feeling and that it would go away after we deal with her over the course of the past 6 months. But it hasn’t. My fiance also has a tendency to get annoyed easily with people who are not friendly, and especially with bad service, and I feel like there is a risk that he’ll flip about something else that our photographer might do on the wedding day because he already has a preconception of her attitude (unfortunately). The emails in question related to something quite simple but like I said, I was honestly willing to overlook that. What I can’t overlook is if she is not friendly on our wedding day (which all signs point to that given our prior dealings with her), or worse, makes us, and our bridal party and family feel awkward when taking pictures, I am worried that it will affect everyone there and also will show in the photos.
On the budget, it wouldn’t cause me extreme hardship to lose the deposit and pay for the new photographer, but obviously everything in the wedding adds up and my fiance is stressed about the budget and that is why he doesn’t want to change photographers. In my mind, the “waste” is worth it because I see photography as being important especially because we don’t have a videographer, and I know that we can’t be everywhere on our wedding day so it’s almost like we would relive it later through the pictures. But I also don’t want to continuously argue with my fiance because let’s face it there’s enough stress in wedding planning already. I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not or whether I should continue to fight for this one or just back down.
Post # 5
I’d stick with your photographer. Especially if you would lose that much on the deposit and then have to get someone more expensive!
Honestly, I talked with my photographer very little on my wedding day. She did directing for the posed shots, but that’s really about it. I think I offered her food and drink at some point and she did drive me to the first look so we chatted for a few minutes then. But most of the time she was just in the background taking pictures. So I don’t think a little social awkwardness from your photog is really going to affect you on your wedding day. It would be different if she were truly bitchy or snotty, but it sounds like he’s just a bit awkward, which isn’t a big deal.
Post # 6
If you have the money I would change now. My Darling Husband railed against the cost of photography too. I was willing to not spend a huge amount but I knew we’d need to spend at least 3k for the level of quality and hours if coverage I wanted. He still thought this was excessive but now, after the wedding, he said he would have spent even more for our photographer he was so pleased with her – she was super friendly, unobtrusive and made him feel very comfortable in front of the camera.
Post # 7
Post # 8
nousmangeons: I was in the EXACT same situation as you. I am the most cheap/frugal person ever and I stressed so much about changing photographers. In the end I ended up deciding to “eat” the deposit and go with the other photographer I liked better. I think it was the best wedding related decision I made and when I looked at the original photographer’s website after my own wedding I was even more glad that I switched photographers since post-wedding stress/planning I still didn’t like her work. Good luck and I hope you find what is best for you and your fiance. You’ll always be able to make more money but your wedding will only happen once.