Post # 1
I’m 20years old and doing a mass communication undergraduation from pune and my boyfriend is doing mba from pune as well. I’ve known my boyfriend for loke 3 and a half years. And I’ve been dating him for 1 and a half year. We have faced so many ups and downs in our relationship. But this time I’m stuck for real. See i’m a single child of my parents and my family expects a lot from me.
He’s asking me to marry him three years from now when he’ll be like 24 or 25 and I’ll just be 22 or 23. I want to do post graduation from Ahmedabad or mumbai wherever i get the chance and he’s like marry me in three years. (Note that: his mba and my undergraduation will get completed next year only) since he would be done with his post graduation it is easier for him but at that time i won’t be done with my post graduation an he’s asking me to marry. And also if i get married he says i cannot go and study somehwhere else since we belong from nagpur. Here in nagpur there is symbiosis that came this year and too i’m not sure they have my course as post graduation and my point is. I realllly love him but I don’t wanna leave my career as well. He says he won’t let me do a job if it is outside pune. And i dont see any scope for journalism in nagpur that’s the main reason i left nagpur.
Also, he’s from a businessman family and he’ll take over his dad’s business and he’ll be investing in his own startup as well. And my family has never gone into any business and are all jobs person. So our family expects us to do the same. Though he is happy to take over his dad’s business cause thats what he wants but my needs are totally opposite. I wanna do blogging as well. I’m intrested in media and all that stuff.
he says he’ll let me do blogging and even if blogging takes me to a trip or something in future he’ll allow me to go but not more than a week. Now it might sound like he’s capturing me and stuff but trust me nothing’s like that. He’s a sweetheart but i’d blame the indian culture.
i feel like I’m too early to marry him and maybe everything won’t go as i wish to. Maybe I’d get stuck in there cause even today I don’t take blogging that seriously because i have this fear of my dad cause he don’t like such things. And there i have different fears too from his family. Maybe i wont be that mature to handle a family. I don’t know how things would go.i’m in a constant fear what if I don’t get success in my career cause what i choose is mainstream and very competitive feild where everyone is going to go in media and blogging and all that and I’ll lose him as well.I’m really not sure of marrying him this early. But if i dont marry him in three years he’ll marry someone of his parents choice because he has to. We had this argument and I’ve trued to convince him but even he knows he has yo marry in three years. I dont wanna loose him. And i dont want this dilemma in me would lead to lossing him or i dont wanna regret later cause this happens to me everytime i make decisions.But i’m not even sure of marrying him this early i really don’t know why. Pleaseeee please pleaseeee help me! What if you were at my place ?
Post # 2
Hi bee, I am Indian American so I did not have this same situation that you unfortunately do, but my aunt did. She married my uncle 20+ years ago and he made her give up her great career afterwards. She was not happy about that and to this day they still have major marital problems. I know the culture is very different over there but you should go with your gut on this. If you don’t feel ready to marry him, don’t. Yoh want to make a career for yourself so don’t let anyone hold you back.
Post # 3
You actually answer your own question, you said you’re not ready and not sure to marry him. Listen to that
Post # 4
Definitely choose your career!! You need to support yourself & you will need solid ground to fall back on if you ever break up.
Post # 5
Career all the way. He doesn’t sound like a very nice man tbh and I think you can do better
Post # 6
rebecca7799 : I understand that cultural aspects come into play in this situation but never marry a person who dictates to you how you should be and how to your life. It sounds like he doesn’t value your imput or opinion and wants a person who defers to his every opinion and follows through on whatever he dictates without question. You have to ask yourself does a person who wants to change parts of you and negates your opinions really actually like you for you or are they enamored with the person they imagine and want you to be?
He’s clearly demonstrated by his action and words that he doesn’t respect you or value you and he puts himself and his belief/ideas above all. The whole point that he even thinks he has the right to dictate whether you can blog or travel says a lot about him and what it says is nothing positive.
OP, you deserve to find love and happiness with someone who thinks that you hung the moon and the stars. Someone who will value your intelligence, your drive and your dreams and who do everything in their power to support you into making your dreams a reality. This man is not it because he wants to cut the flower shoot before it’s had time to grow and flower into its full glorious self. Please don’t plan a, life with this man. A life with him would be half a century of living to his way at the sacrifice of your own happiness.
Post # 7
rebecca7799 : You’re not ready to commit to marriage and you’re not sure you’d be happy together–so don’t make plans to marry him.
Post # 8
I only got half way through.
This isnt an issue of choosing a man or choosing a career.
It is choosing this man who doesn’t accept your dreams as his own and is unwilling to be supportive and help you towards your own dreams and only cares about what he wants vs. having a fulfilling life in whatever way that means to you.
Never marry someone who limits you. Marriage may involve compromise sometimes but it should be two people who help each other towards the life they each want in a way that makes them better together than separately.
You don’t have to choose between a man and a career. Just don’t choose THIS man. This man sounds like a selfish controlling ass who doesn’t respect you. Even if you weren’t in school and you didn’t have aspirations of being a journalist elsewhere you should never pick someone who doesn’t respect you or who limits you.
Post # 9
Like pp said, this is not a decision between marriage and career. This is about what type of relationship you want. Will you really be happy is you have to get a permission to everything and be controlled by your husband? It sounds like culturally he is tradition where as you are not. You should.consider this difference more than career vs marriage.
Post # 10
rebecca7799 : There is obviously a huge cultural aspect here that most of us can’t weigh in on fairly. From my perspective it’s a ‘hell no’ because I wouldn’t allow myself to be dictated to in that way. If that doesn’t actually bother you, then that’s fair enough. I’ll also point out that you have three (or at least two) years to decide if this is or isn’t working for you after all. That’s a long time and you don’t need to decide right now (or shouldn’t need to). I’d take the whole conversation off the table for awhile.
When you are ready to revisit it, ask yourself and only yourself how you really feel about this guy. Not ‘oh I lovvvve him sooo much’ but really, really feel about his values, his respect for you and vice versa. Will you resent him? Will you lose your family to make him happy? Are you willing to spend all that time in school to become a blogger in your free time? Then, if you still want this, maybe you can even sit and discuss a timeline with his family that allows you to finish your schooling and still marry. And if you don’t want it, then you move on.
I know what I would do, I know what most bees here would do, but how much your culture influences your decision is entirely up to you.
Post # 11
Anybody who will “let you” do things to your career is not a person to be in a relationship with.
Post # 14
You’re young and have all the time in the world to find a good guy along the way. Put your career first so you’re set up for a successful future.
I highly doubt you will regret it
Post # 15
Even if both of you have a wonderful realtionship and marriage, you could have a lot of finanacial problems that will require you to work as well. Sickness or death can hit the family.
All my Eastern Indian female friends are career women. One person cannot look after a family any more. Some of them are living in India.