Should i choose him or my career?

posted 2 weeks ago in Career
Post # 16
834 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

It’s not even a question of him or your career. Don’t just choose your career, choose your freedom. 

Urrgh, real men don’t force their partners for anything. 

Post # 17
140 posts
Blushing bee

You shouldn’t have to choose, but if you are made to, then it’s got to be your career.

Post # 19
1114 posts
Bumble bee

rebecca7799 :  One of the most amazing women I know is an Indian woman who decided to start a school. She basically ran the entire thing on her own. She was extremely intelligent, a fabulous manager, and if I can become even an iota as professional and capable as she is I would consider myself a success. 

I don’t think this is the right man for you. The right man is not going to hold you back but want to help you soar. I understand it’s part of Indian culture but there are many Indian men I have met who are proud of their successful women. Don’t tie yourself down to an unhappy future. There are a lot of different paths in life you might take. You do not need to take the path your parents set out for you. 

Post # 20
3673 posts
Sugar bee

My neighbor is from India. Her parents wanted her to get married and give up on any idea of a career. She wanted more for herself, so she left, put herself through college, and is now a successful neuroscientist. Don’t give up on who you are or your dreams.

Post # 21
4910 posts
Honey bee

I am from another culture so I do not know what the repercussions are if you choose one way or the other. However giving up your dream will never leave your mind. You will regret it I am sure, there will always be what if?

Women deserve to be able to have a career AND love. It shouldn’t be either or. I hope you choose and are able to choose career in this sitiation. I’m not liking that your future husband is wanting you to give up your dream. 


Post # 22
463 posts
Helper bee

rebecca7799 :  Hey Bee, my parents/extended family are from Pune as well (small world!). But honestly, I’m not sure this is the best place to voice your situation since most of the Bees on here are American or British, so there might be some cultural context lost and you may not get the answers you were hoping for as someone who grew up and lives in India. Just wanted to put that caveat out there.

As for real advice, honestly, you both sound pretty young and since you haven’t really begun working yet, I would not make important life promises for 3 years down the line when you don’t have working experience yet. A few years of working does wonders for personal and financial growth and development for any person, but especially women. In 3 years you may decide to switch fields, go to graduate school somewhere else, or find the job of your dreams, or a different romantic partner. Right now, I would advise if your culture / family / financial situation allows, focus on your career. You making your career decisions so dependent on him is a recipe for future resentment. I’ve seen this happen in my family.

Post # 23
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I know it’s easy for me as a woman living in the US to say, culture never changes until people change it. But I honestly believe that. You can make choices for yourself that give you more freedom. Don’t settle for a marriage with a controlling husband and in laws, don’t settle for being controlled by your family either. Be your own person, focus on your career. Find a man who also thinks women should have careers. Heck, move to a country that supports women’s rights more. If every woman of your generation decided they didn’t want to be controlled in the name of culture anymore that would change everything. Be the change you want to see. 

Dont marry a guy who thinks he has the right to tell you where you can and can’t work, when and how long you can travel. That isn’t ok. And suppressing woman’s rights in the name of culture and tradition isn’t ok. 

Post # 25
439 posts
Helper bee

Your career! Choose your freedom.

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