Post # 1
So I am going back and forth on something and need someone elses advice before I go crazy. To preface I have been divorced for about a year now, it just didn’t work out with us and after counseling, therapy and a year of trying we decided to end it. It was hard but best for us in the end.
Which brings me to my question. Is it a bad idea to contact a man from my past 8 years ago? A little about our history. We met together in college. It was the we both thought we were totally out of each others league and didn’t really talk until we were forced to in class. Eventually we went on a date, which led to us making out in his car. From there we hung out a lot with each other and overall just melded really well together. It was kind of significant because he was getting over someone who he had lost and I was the first person he felt he could care about again. We were pretty close for about a year, but I could tell he still was grieving for who he lost. I also decided to join the military and left. We agreed that we would stay in contact but that was about it. He did say that if we were both available that he would be here when I got back.
He wrote me during my training and during my holidays I would see him. Eventually it just turned into texts during holidays and then we stopped talking at all. I had started seeing other people I had met in the military so stopped talking to him. We were friends on fb so his feed would occasionally pop up but that was the extent. A while after my divorce I decided to look at his profile. As far I as I can tell he isn’t in a relationship, but he never has broadcasted that information so hard to tell. From his posts/photos he still is the same sweet person though. He has liked some of my posts but that has been the extent of our “communication.”
I get out of the military in a few months and am moving back to my home state where he also still lives. Is it dumb to message him hi? I feel like the odds he would have any desire to reconnect are very slim. I also don’t want to ruin anything if he is with someone.
Post # 2
Coming out of a divorce to return to a man that has a difficult past (with losing a loved one), I think you need to set your intentions and expectations. Are you looking for a fun little fling? What happens when things get serious for one or both parties? What happens if one starts to cling, but the other wasn’t interested?
These are worth straightening out before reaching out to him. Otherwise, I think it’s a fair move and you have room to make a fresh start with anyone.
Post # 3
Not dumb at all!
You drifted apart on good terms with each other, and clearly he was special to you if you’re thinking about him 8 years and a marriage later. I don’t see any reason not to reach out and see where he’s at in life.
Post # 4
sboom : Totally agree with this poster. So what if he lost a loved one? Terrible, yes, but haven’t we all grieved before? That doesn’t mean he can’t make a logical decision about you. He’s a grown dude. You’ve been divorced for a full year and emotionally separated for what sounds like a while before that. It’s okay to be nervous, but drop him a line, take a bath with a heart full of hope and see where it goes!
Post # 5
bridetobe2018 : I second this motion. You’ve been divorced a year so I’m assuming you’re not just looking for a rebound. As long as he’s single then why not try at it? 🙂
Post # 6
Are you sure you just don’t have your rose coloured glasses on? Let’s be real, you have zero idea what he is like. People can change a lot in 8 years. I think it would be one thing if you ran into each other and clicked again but you are reaching out to try and reignite a relationship with a man based on information that is 8 years old.
Your relationship ran it’s course, time to let it go and move on.
Post # 7
What’s the harm in just having a cuppa coffee at a cafe? I would do it, even just for old time’s sake – just to catch up and see how each of your lives have panned out. What’s the worst that can happen? “Sorry, I’ve got a girlfriend”. Cool, moving on.
But what a sweet love story if it worked out….
Post # 8
j_jaye : So you are telling her to move on because it didn’t work out in the past… as if the past should inform what she does in the future… but at the same time the past doesn’t necessarily inform the future so still nope? Like what??
I left my now husband then boyfriend after college to pursue my law degree in another state. Years a part, in a very serious relationship at the time. Still thought about my now husband frequently, texted now and again, met up a couple of times. He never left my mind and whelp I packed up said my goodbyes and married the man.
Post # 9
You don’t have anything to lose by contacting him. Just keep your expectations reasonable so you don’t get disappointed if nothing happens.
Post # 10
Doesn’t sound like you have anything to lose! Go for it, and let us know how it goes 😉
Post # 12
I’m also voting that you reach out to say hello and maybe meet to catch up! The worst that can happen is he says no. And even if you just get a chance to reconnect and find out how the intervening years have been, that’s still good.
Post # 13
There’s no harm in reaching out, now that you are moving back to where he lives. I wouldn’t necessarily jump to “let’s start dating,” but there’s no harm in reaching out and meeting to catch up. I’d start slowly, get to know each other for who you are now, and then see if it evolves into something more.
Post # 14
sharkbaithoohah : I don’t think there’s any harm in reaching out. I’d do it without expectations though. At the least you’ll reconnect with an old friend. You’ll soon find out if he is seeing anyone, in which case you just don’t pursue anything further. This doesn’t have to be complicated.
Post # 15
I’d ask him if he wants to meet up when you get home. Nothing ventured, nothing gained as the saying goes. The worst that will happen is he’ll be unavailable, uninterested or you’ll meet up and see him through different eyes than when you were younger or vice versa. Best case, who knows? It’s not a marriage proposal!