Should I contact college flame after 8 years? I'm divorced, no kids

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Coming out of a divorce to return to a man that has a difficult past (with losing a loved one), I think you need to set your intentions and expectations. Are you looking for a fun little fling? What happens when things get serious for one or both parties? What happens if one starts to cling, but the other wasn’t interested? 

These are worth straightening out before reaching out to him. Otherwise, I think it’s a fair move and you have room to make a fresh start with anyone. 

Post # 3
Member
3510 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Not dumb at all! 

You drifted apart on good terms with each other, and clearly he was special to you if you’re thinking about him 8 years and a marriage later. I don’t see any reason not to reach out and see where he’s at in life.

Post # 4
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

sboom :  Totally agree with this poster.  So what if he lost a loved one?  Terrible, yes, but haven’t we all grieved before?  That doesn’t mean he can’t make a logical decision about you.  He’s a grown dude.  You’ve been divorced for a full year and emotionally separated for what sounds like a while before that.  It’s okay to be nervous, but drop him a line, take a bath with a heart full of hope and see where it goes! 

Post # 5
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

bridetobe2018 :  I second this motion. You’ve been divorced a year so I’m assuming you’re not just looking for a rebound. As long as he’s single then why not try at it? 🙂

Post # 6
Member
9026 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Are you sure you just don’t have your rose coloured glasses on? Let’s be real, you have zero idea what he is like. People can change a lot in 8 years. I think it would be one thing if you ran into each other and clicked again but you are reaching out to try and reignite a relationship with a man based on information that is 8 years old. 

Your relationship ran it’s course, time to let it go and move on.

Post # 7
Member
1277 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

What’s the harm in just having a cuppa coffee at a cafe? I would do it, even just for old time’s sake – just to catch up and see how each of your lives have panned out. What’s the worst that can happen? “Sorry, I’ve got a girlfriend”. Cool, moving on.

But what a sweet love story if it worked out….

Post # 8
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

j_jaye :  So you are telling her to move on because it didn’t work out in the past… as if the past should inform what she does in the future… but at the same time the past doesn’t necessarily inform the future so still nope?  Like what?? 

I left my now husband then boyfriend after college to pursue my law degree in another state.  Years a part, in a very serious relationship at the time.  Still thought about my now husband frequently, texted now and again, met up a couple of times.  He never left my mind and whelp I packed up said my goodbyes and married the man. 

Terrible advice. 

Post # 9
Member
3855 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

You don’t have anything to lose by contacting him. Just keep your expectations reasonable so you don’t get disappointed if nothing happens. 

Post # 10
Member
1529 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Doesn’t sound like you have anything to lose! Go for it, and let us know how it goes 😉

Post # 12
Member
6638 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’m also voting that you reach out to say hello and maybe meet to catch up! The worst that can happen is he says no. And even if you just get a chance to reconnect and find out how the intervening years have been, that’s still good.

Post # 13
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

There’s no harm in reaching out, now that you are moving back to where he lives. I wouldn’t necessarily jump to “let’s start dating,” but there’s no harm in reaching out and meeting to catch up. I’d start slowly, get to know each other for who you are now, and then see if it evolves into something more.

Post # 14
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

sharkbaithoohah :  I don’t think there’s any harm in reaching out. I’d do it without expectations though. At the least you’ll reconnect with an old friend. You’ll soon find out if he is seeing anyone, in which case you just don’t pursue anything further. This doesn’t have to be complicated. 

Post # 15
Member
12628 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I’d ask him if he wants to meet up when you get home. Nothing ventured, nothing gained as the saying goes. The worst that will happen is he’ll be unavailable, uninterested or you’ll meet up and see him through different eyes than when you were younger or vice versa. Best case, who knows? It’s not a marriage proposal! 

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