(Closed) Should I contact the Ex-Matron of Honor

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would contact her, personally. But not via email. If you want to keep the friendship, you need to call her and talk to her.

Post # 4
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Should I just chalk this up to an ended friendship and let it be?

Yep. Sometimes we just have to cut our losses. It sucks, but people change or they do things that we know we just can not or will not forget. I had a similar-ish situation and…so far, I have no regrets. My entire LIFE is much less stressful and dramatic (it’s been over a year.)

One of my favorite random related quotes: “May the bridges I burn light the way.” Lol.

Post # 7
Member
578 posts
Busy bee

She sounds like she’s in a really rough spot in her life right now. Perhaps, for whatever reason, she’s jealous of you. I have a friend that reminds me of this one. Unfortunately, if she’s like my friend, she will have a horribly hard time admitting she was wrong in this situation, and will never want to admit she’s sorry until you do. So that is up to you whether the friendship is worth keepin or you are better and in a more healthy spot without her.  I honestly think maybe you should call or email one last time saying you havnt heard a reply about the wedding yet. If she responds negatively, move on and be happy without her. She is not putting the same effort into the friendship as you, and that’s not fair to you

Post # 8
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@birdie724:  Ahh, I thought you hadn’t talked to her since kicking her out.

Post # 9
Member
7753 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think the bride and groom should always follow-up on people who don’t RSVP, so they can get the numbers exactly right. This is no exception. And phone, don’t email or text. If it was me, I would ignore the bad recent history and just focus on getting a straight “yes” or “no” on whether she’s coming.

Post # 10
Member
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Sorry you had to deal with that. I would check with her for the reasons stated by @paula1248:.

Then I would cut ties with her at least until she changes (if she does). I feel that if she valued your friendship she would try to mend things. So after this, I would move on. Good Luck!  

Post # 11
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Eww yeah cut her loose.  Be kind to those you love and dom’t waste energy on those who take you for granted.

 

either way it’s important to have boundaries do putting your foot down is completely justified.

Post # 12
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I still have nightmares about letting a really close, really old friend go because he was using drugs and being really horrible to me (threatening suicide unless I stayed up late talking, picking stupid fights, being hurtful, etc…) I know I was justified in ending the friendship and that I gave him multiple second chances, but I still can’t shake the feeling that I needed to fight for that friendship. We’d known each other since we were kids. 

I guess I am trying to point out that you need to figure out what type of a person you are. If you are the kind of person who can understand that her behavior was unacceptable (which it totally was) and see that you don’t owe her anything (which you totally don’t), then I think it might be best to let sleeping dogs lay. However, if you think this will weigh on you, then give it one last shot before it feels too late. I think if you feel like you need to reach out again for your future peace of mind (and understand, if you do try again with her, make sure it is for YOU and not for her; she doesn’t deserve it at this point, this would be for your happiness), then send her an email and tell her really honestly what you told us in your original post; that this has been really hurtful, and you thought that your 20 year friendship was more valuable to her. Give her a chance to make it right, and if she doesn’t, then don’t let it trouble you any further. And do not feel bad if you do choose to end this friendship; it can be an empowering decision, and is often the right choice. It’s all well and good to keep old friends when you can, but sometimes it’s not practical. People change. 

Good luck, and please don’t let this mar your wedding experience! Sometimes people can be really awful. 

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