- 5 years ago
I have a dilemma. I don’t really want to speak to RL friends about this as I think it would put them in an awkward position. I really want to go to this wedding, and more than that, I really don’t want to let down or stress out the bride. Please could you advise me?
My close friend is getting married in the north of England on Easter weekend. I am from the North, but now live in the South East.
Yesterday I called national rail enquiries and learned that none of the trains I would need to get to the venue are running that weekend (It would usually be quite a long journey, around 3 trains and costing about £100 each with a railcard. That weekend it is an 8 leg train journey with a minimum cost of £180 per person). It is technically possible to drive from my house to this venue, but it is a 5 hour drive without traffic, and there would be traffic on a bank holiday weekend. Also, I drive an 18 year old Nissan Micra and my husband cannot drive. I’m not sure if my old Nissan would actually make that journey safely or in a timely way (we are currently saving for a new car) and the prospect of such a long drive without being able to share the time behind the wheel is a little concerning.
I REALLY want to go to this wedding. I had 22 guests at my wedding in total, and this friend was one of them. However, I’m beginning to think I may not be able to go. No planes or National Express buses between these destinations are running that weekend, and no other guests are travelling from my location (the nearest is 2 hours away).
Unfortunately, these recent transport problems are not the first obstacles we’ve had. My husband and I met doing our PhDs, so we had a later start in our careers and we have student debt. In the last 2 years, since we finished studying, we’ve successfully got jobs in the same town (far away from everyone else), bought our own home, got engaged and paid for our small wedding. Therefore, we currently have a limited ‘entertainment’ budget. My friend is getting married in a gorgeous hotel, but it’d cost £280 for the two nights we’d need to stay, so we have already looked at staying a nearby budget hotel and taking taxis. To be honest, I think we’d feel quite awkward about doing that as it is kind of expected that we’ll stay at the wedding hotel.
Further to this, I have to be quite careful with my health. I was very ill in 2007. I am well now, but I had to have a whole year off work to recover and I still get quite ill if I travel long distances or get over-tired. This makes me a little nervous about going to a wedding 250+ miles away in the first place, but if it is going to be so difficult to get there and we’ll have to add travel so that we can afford to stay in the region, am I just being stupid to consider going to this?
It seems to be common wedding wisdom that those who care enough will make it to your wedding. Therefore, I am not just disappointed that I may not be able to see such a close friend getting married, I am concerned that me not going will have a negative impact on our friendship longer term.
Am I just making this situation too difficult when it doesn’t need to be? What would you do? Any ideas on how I could make it work or how you’d address the subject with the bride?
If you’ve made it this far then thank you!