(Closed) Should I convince DH to call his mom?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you’re right to support whatever he wants to do as far as talking to her goes. She basically abandoned the family when he was a kid, and now she wants to call him up and talk crap about him and his dad, who raised him when she wasn’t around to do so? Not cool. And I would leave your mom out of this – it’s really none of her business, and I kow I’d be irritated if I was having a fight with my mom and my Mother-In-Law was discussing it with my husband and telling him what I should do.


If your husband does decide (on his own!) to give his mom another chance, I’d recommend him not discussing his brother’s problems with her – my parents have spent thousands bailing out my brother too, also with nothing to show for it rather than the alcohol, ciagrettes, and hair dye/glue for his mohawk that he is obsessed with. It annoys the hell out of me, but I keep my mouth shut because it’s their money and nothing I say ever helps the situation, it just leads to me arguing with my parents.

Post # 5
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@texasbee:  If it were me, I would not hesitate to tell him to stay out of it.  If she calls, take the call, but if she starts moaning and carrying on about BIL, then he should calmly say “mom, I’m sorry this is something that upsets you, but I do not wish to discuss it.”


BIL is not YOUR problem.  YOU didnt make that mess, and nor did you Darling Husband.  I find it’s best to completely stay out of things like that, especially when it’s effecting your lives negatively.


His mom may get mad he’s choosing not to participate in discussions about BIL, but ultimately, that’s on her.  You will both be happier and healthier for staying out of it.

Post # 6
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Wonderstruck:  +1.

I would let your husband deal with this situation the way he has always been doing.  He’ll talk to his mother when he is good and ready. 

Post # 7
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would stay out of it. It sounds like he already has enough people trying to micromanage this relationship; he doesn’t need one more. He’s entitled to set his own boundaries with his mother, and to decide that she’s become too toxic for him to tolerate. It shouldn’t be up to anyone else.

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