- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
Darling Husband has had a very weird relationship w/his mom. It stems back to his parents’ divorce almost 20 years ago. His mom left his dad for a younger guy (that is her Darling Husband now) and Father-In-Law raised Darling Husband and BIL. Darling Husband moved out after HS and BIL went back to his mom’s house…so naturally, Darling Husband and Father-In-Law are close and BIL and Mother-In-Law are close.
I’ve posted before about the issues BIL started having when he met his current Fiance and (now) mother of his twin babies. We’re overseas and talk to both Father-In-Law and Mother-In-Law on a weekly basis and for the past year, every convo revolves around what mess BIL has gotten himself into.
There is STILL a lot of guilt on MIL’s part for “messing her kids up” from the divorce, so she likes to bail out BIL whenever he has issues…as in giving him lots and lots of money. Darling Husband and I don’t mind…we have money ourselves and IF it actually helped BIL to get back on his feet, we’d be happy w/it. But it doesn’t, he uses the money for things he shouldn’t…to buy new things he’ll eventually pawn and also for alcohol and drugs.
Mother-In-Law will call us crying about how she doesn’t want to just put the “tough love” on BIL and desert him. But then she’s upset at how much she’s given him…her estimates are in the thousands of dollars…and he has NOTHING to show for it.
The last couple of phone convos w/MIL turned into screaming, yelling matches between Darling Husband and Mother-In-Law…where she ended it by hanging up on him. She constantly accuses Darling Husband of being just like his dad and starts talking about FIL’s faults and why she left him…I seriously want to tell these people to get the F**K over it already!
Darling Husband had her on speakerphone and I could see where the convo was going and begged him to get off the phone. She started crying, saying all sorts of things and then called me a couple of names and hung up. I was pissed that she said it but Darling Husband was more upset that she went on for 5 minutes putting him and his dad down. I honestly think he had shut down before she said what she did.
Since then, she’s called one time before the babies came (we didn’t answer) and then twice since their arrival to let us know. We did know everything since we’ve been in contact w/FIL and BIL. Darling Husband is still pissed at her and refuses to talk to her…I told him I’d support his decision on whether or not to talk to her.
My own mom thinks it’s unfair for him not to talk to her (she’s knows what was said) and now Father-In-Law thinks he should call her. The last few phone convos w/her she said she didn’t want to talk about BIL anymore…but if we do call, we know we’ll be talking about him/babies.
So should I tell him to call her? The reason we didn’t answer her last 2 calls is we were on a long trip around Europe (which she doesn’t know about) and Darling Husband would love to tell her about it but I don’t think she cares about what’s going on w/us.
We were also avoiding telling her that Father-In-Law is coming here for a job…I can only imagine what she’ll say about that. Father-In-Law told BIL about it and he wasn’t happy but I’m sure she knows by now.