Post # 1
I have been trying on dresses, but I have not decided on one yet. I do know that i want a strapless sweetheart neckline that is a trumpet/mermaid. We are getting married at a very beautiful banquet hall and Future Father-In-Law is the officiant.
Well…last night Future Sister-In-Law told Fiance and I that her parents requested that i wear a jacket or something to cover my shoulders. There are a few issues with this. They are from a different denomination than I am, and they believe that women should be covered, wear skirts, etc. But I dont believe this and generally dress like i normally do around them (except when i visit their church, where i try to be respectful of their beliefs). Fiance no longer practices the religion and believes I should wear what I want.
I knew this might be an issue so when i was trying on dresses i also tryed in jackets. And….I hated them. I just dont want to cover my dress and i dont want it to be covered in the pictures and video of my ceremony. But I also dont want my future in laws to be upset. I had my heart set on a birdcage veil but Fiance thinks wearing a longer veil would be a good compromise.
Should I do what I want and wear nothing? Should I suck it up and wear a jacket for the ceremony? Or should I just wear a longer veil for the ceremony?
And if I do the veil, do you think it will cover my back and shoulders enough?
Post # 3
Personally, I would not cover up at all. They can deal. I can understand being respectful of others’ beliefs, but they are not your beliefs, and it is YOUR wedding day.
Post # 4
I think it depends on how adament his parents are. Maybe you or your Fiance can bring it up. You don’t want to arrive on the day of your ceremony and have your Future Father-In-Law say he won’t marry you guys if you aren’t covered up, or something crazy like that.
If they insist, I think the long veil (or multi layer veil) is a good compromise. Or maybe a small lace bolero that’s mostly see-through?
I say you should try to just do what you want, but if it’s going to cause a lot of strife make sure you work it out beforehand.
Post # 5
I agree with Mrs Grape… this is your wedding and you are in control of your own wardrobe. I would talk to them and tell them that you respect their beliefs but their beliefs do not apply to you but you appreciate their concern. My FI’s parents are mormon so I feel ya 🙂 I talked to them though and they understand that we have different beliefs and that I want Fiance and my marriage to reflect us not them.
Also, I want to see your dress!! And the veil 🙂
Post # 6
If you do feel you need to cover up for the ceremony, then I think the veil would be enough. If you aren’t happy with the way a jacket etc. looks then personally I wouldn’t wear it, because it may only make you uncomfortable.
Like @kala_way said, as long as everyone knows what will be happening before hand so there are no nasty surprises on the day, do what you are happiest with.
Post # 7
I think that Future Father-In-Law being the officiant means that his opinion carries more weight than it would otherwise — he’s not just a guest or your FI’s father, but the man charged with marrying you. I’d want to make sure he’s ok with whatever you end up wearing. But I also don’t think you need to worry about all this until you find the dress you want to buy — you never know how it’ll look with a jacket/bolero/shrug/shawl/long veil. I think once you have a better idea of what’s going to work (or not work) with your actual dress, you can present some options to your Future Father-In-Law and work out a compromise.
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)
Yeah, I don’t think you should cover up your dress to appease your future in-laws. I mean, if you liked the look and didn’t mind wearing a jacket/bolero/shawl, then it’d be a different story. But since you don’t like the coverage options you have and don’t feel comfortable in them, then I would just go with what you want. It’s your wedding, you have to wear the dress, and you have to look at the pictures for the rest of your life, so your Future In-Laws can just deal with it. They can cover up; you don’t share their views and should wear what you want.
Post # 9
I think that since your Future Father-In-Law is the officiant that you should treat it not as though he’s your Future Father-In-Law, but rather as the officiant who will be marrying the two of you. Although, you are getting married at a banquet hall, so it isn’t as though he’s requesting it because he feels it is more respectful of the venue (i.e. such as a church).
I would find my dress, and then see if I could find something I liked out of respect for him and for future good relations with him.
I hadn’t planned on wearing anything to cover my shoulders during the ceremony, but it was a bit chilly on the day we got married, and I was so glad I had the lace wrap I had made to wear outside. Sometimes it fell off my shoulders, so they showed, other times I had it up on my shoulders, but it was fluid, so to speak, so it wasn’t always covering everything like a bolero or jacket would have.
Post # 10
I wouldn’t budge, honestly. Tell them well in advance that while you appreciate their concern, you will just have to agree to disagree on this one. If you Future Father-In-Law refuses to perform the ceremony in light of this, make alternate arrangements.
I’m all for compromise in regular situations, but this is your wedding day. If you hate the way you look in cover-ups and never envisioned yourself in a longer veil, then you shouldn’t have to feel bad about politely telling your future in-laws to butt out about your wedding attire. You don’t want to look back at your photos and regret agreeing to something that isn’t “you”.
ETA: Make sure your Fiance is backing you up on this. They’re his parents, he needs to make them understand that their beliefs are not his or yours and this day is about you two.
Post # 11
Thanks for the responses! Im about 99% sure that i want the Adorae. I compared it to every dress I’ve tryed on and nothing beat it. And i did not find any jackets I liked with it. I think im leaning towards a longer veil as a compromise but I will make sure Future Father-In-Law knows this in advance so there are no surprises on the wedding day.
Post # 12
I know you don’t want to cover the dress with fabric, but have you thought about a lace or tulle(sp) Illusion piece to cover your shoulders but still not totally cover your dress….. but in the end, you have to be you! GOOD LUCK 😀
Post # 13
@mzlouis2b: have you looked at the Enzoani and Aire Barcelona jackets? I’d look at those for some inspiration because they’re quite lovely and light. i don’t think that you should HAVE to cover up though. i’m wearing a strapless dress in a Catholic church and sure my veil is long, but because i like it that way. if you want a birdcage, you should wear one but if a long veil is your compromise, i think you should definitely get a birdcage one to switch to immediately after!
Post # 14
It sounds like you’re uncomfortable with how you’ll look if you cover up, so I’d say do whatever feels best to you. Tell them you respect their beliefs but they are not yours.
Post # 15
I agree- it’s not like you’re getting married in a cathedral- and you’re not doing anything close to risque like a see-through bodice. Honestly, by normal standards you will be perfectly dressed- and there is really no reason for someone else to impose their opinion of your appearance on one of the most important days in your life.
Let them know you want to respect them, but you’re an adult, this is your thing.
Post # 16
Your dress should be in accordance with your comfort and your religious beliefs (if any) and that is all. Anyone who says otherwise can see me 😉