- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
Sorry in advance, this is going to be a long ranty one…
So my mother and I have always had arguements and fights over the years. Once it escalated to the point where she threatened to kick me out of the house and I left before she could, for my own sanity. Now that I’ve been living on my own for about five years, four of those with my Fiance, I thought I might have a more friendly relationship with her.
Then came wedding planning.
At first, my mother was happily excited and would suggest ideas all the time. She never forced her opinions on me, probably because she knows I will make the final decisions. I loved how excited she was, and welcomed her ideas. I made a point to thank her.
After a certain point, though, she started sending me passive-agressive emails that I found very hurtful. Emails that said I must find her help “annoying” and that I’ve always preferred the opinions of other people over hers. When this started, I sent her my to-do list and asked her to please pick one or two (fairly major) tasks and take responsibility for them, since I trusted her judgement and I was too busy to do everything myself.
Did she? Of course not. She continued to dabble in everything, then started arguments every time I involved anyone else in the planning. If I wanted to go to a cupcake tasting, suddenly she attacked me by saying I hated her baking and didn’t want her to make the cupcakes. If I asked my Future Mother-In-Law for artistic help with my DIY wedding invites, my mother said she was glad I “respected and loved” my Future Mother-In-Law (more than her–that was implied). If I went with my friends to try on wedding dresses, after repeatedly asking my mother to help me look, she flew off the handle and sent a string of emails at 1 AM saying I think she’s a “terrible mother.”
This is where things are at right now. Do you think I should cut her out of wedding planning completely? I’m more sad than angry with her at this point, and have tried telling her how hurtful and stressful she’s being, but of course that’s “my fault” yet again.
Please help! I don’t want her to blame me later for “shoving her out of my wedding,” but I’m not sure I can deal with this anymore.
TL;DR: My mother started off being excited by wedding planning, then started sending hurtful passive-agressive emails every time I tried doing anything on my own or with friends. Unsure how I can include her in remaining plans without more drama.