(Closed) Should I cut mother out of wedding planning?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6123 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Does she have to be involved at all?  I mean is she footing the bill?

 

If she is not, then there really is no need to share any plans with her I think.  You could say, “Oh that’s already covered!” if she suggests an idea, etc. 

Post # 5
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

O wow. I don’t think you are going to be able to do anything right here. Jealousy, attention seeking, manipulation, guilt-tripping…I don’t think it’s going to stop no matter what choice you make. 

So my advice is to do what you need to do for YOUR sanity and peace of mind. If that means cutting her out of the planning (and you are ready to deal with whatever fall out that might cause) or if it’s comtinuing to involve her minimally, then go ahead. But do what you need to do for YOU. And my advice for your continued conversations regarding the wedding with her are to be minimally responsive when she makes her comments – don’t argue with her or give examples of how what she’s saying isn’t true, but also don’t give in and give her more attention based on what she’s saying to you. 

Post # 6
Member
46641 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would try to keep her involved for the sake of your future relationship, but make a conscious effort to not let her push your buttons.

When she says things like ” glad I “respected and loved my Future Mother-In-Law , simply respond with “yes I do”.

Just ignore her when she says things like “I’m a terrible mother”.

Clearly your Mom has problems but you are going to change her now. Accept her for who she is, but don’t let her bring you down to her level.

Post # 7
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@julies1949:  Right. I think this is an example of what I was trying to get at. You put it better than me 🙂

Post # 9
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Fortunella:  O no, I just saw that you’re only a month away. This can’t be helping your wedding stress! Tempers run high the closer you get to the wedding, so just get through it and enjoy your day! 

Post # 10
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I did not include my mom in any of the initial decisions of wedding planning.  Once plans were set, I “included” her by telling her what my plans were.  I also asked her to be in charge of the kid kits and gave her the boxes I wanted them housed in.  (She procrastinated, but came through having done a WONDERFUL job on them…in a way I would not have done them.)  However, I didn’t include her in anything that I wanted to make decisions on because we don’t see eye-to-eye and she gets offended when I make a choice that isn’t her choice.  So my dress/shoes/jewelry/etc. were all done without her.  That’s just how it had to be to keep the peace.

Post # 11
Member
46641 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Fortunella:  I would do what  @kate02121:    suggested- keep her minimally involved.

I am sure that most of the major decisions are made by now. Just keep her up to date by email or phone ( not sure if you live in the same town) and don’t set yourself up for more hurt. Don’t ask her opinion on anything, just keep her in the loop.

 

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