- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
Sorry Bees this is is going to be a long one. 🙁
Its the age-old story: girl and girl fall in love and want to marry and live happily ever after. But her parents hate him.
A little background (or a lot of background): My parents got divorced when I was very young. My sister and I stayed with my mother and she abused us for years until we moved out (i was 10 my sister was 13) to live with my dad, step mother and brand new little half brother. We grew up as a family together…but it was hard. My sister never got along with my step mother and although I did, my parents (dad + stepmother….mom will never be referenced again) are impossible to please. Although they are white, they employed a bit of a tiger mom mentality to raising us. It worked: they raised 3 smart, talented kids. My sister, the oldest, had been plagued her whole life with doing eveything according to their wishes and at 24 had a quarter life crisis, broke up with her fiance, started dating a guy for 6 months and then after getting into a fight with my parents one day (she was living at home with them, completing her MBA) she was kicked out by my father. She rented a car and married her boyfriend of 6 months. My family stopped talking to her for about 4 years. She recently started trying to get in touch with us all but it has been difficult trying to accept some new person into your life as your sister.
As a kid, I flourished in the middle child/dennis the menace position. I gave my dad all his gray hair and then some. I went away to school (when they didnt want me to) I studied art (they didnt want me to) I left my steady job at starbucks during school to study abroad (they didnt want me to….came back and got my old job back) I graduated from a top university, left starbucks once again for a temp to perm position at a top publishing company (they didnt want me to…no insurance at the publishing company?!?!?! it worked out, i got insurance) I left that job and got a better one…moved out…and eventually in with my boyfriend….who is 15 years older than me.
Here’s the rub:
My now fiance is 15 years older than me. We have been together 3 years and we are a great couple. We’re the couple everyone wants to be. We compliment each other perfevtly, he makes me laugh like no one else , hes a wonderful guy has a great job, we challenge each other to do better and learn about new things (he teaches me about pool/billiards, i taught him the wonders of travel) I am so incredibly happy with him. I know my parents dont like him– theyve never liked him. Not without trying, he is always super respectful and sweet and helpful but somewhat shy because hes intimidated by my parents and wants them to like him.
My little brother knew i was getting engaged and we wracked our brains to figure out a way to tell them I was getting engaged (and that my SO wanted to “ask them something”…because we thought they would like it, not because the tradition is important to me) and I went walong with the plan we had concocted. My dad was civil, saying that he didnt exactly love the idea but i was a grown woman and was going to do as i pleased. My step mother on the other hand didnt hold back. She said some of the most viccious and hurtful things she has ever said to me (“when it doesnt last 5 years can i say i told you so?”) and while i called her a bitch to her face, I later apologized for saying mean things in anger. she never apologized. we ended the discussion in a stalemate, agreeing not to tell my fiance and that he should go ahead and ask me.
My SO asked me to marry him and I am elated! I think about calling my parents but I dont because a) they already know and b) they didnt want to hear about it anyway, i was probably going to get yelled at for “shoving it in their faces” or something insane. I have been engaged a week and a half and people around my parents neighborhood are congratulating them, or so I hear from my brother. My parents are apparently mad at me for not calling them and telling them myself. WHAT THE WHAT!?! I’m dumbfounded at this news.
I have lived my whole life with my parents dancing between caring about what they think and telling them to go screw. I have always maintained a good relationship with them though and have desperately tried to avoid the path my sister took. I feel like no matter what me or my fiance do, it will never be enough for them. They have standards that I cant even comprehend or anticipate. I do my best to “play by their rules” and I always do something wrong.
Bees, if I stop talking to my parents, I will have no blood relatives I speak to. But I dont know what the next move is with my parents. Should I go talk to them? act like nothing happened? Im lost 🙁