(Closed) should I delay engagement for our parents?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee

You do what you want, it is your marriage. 24 is not too young to get married, I am getting married at 24, Fiance 25 :). My parents got married at 21/22. and I have tons of friends that are already Married.

Post # 5
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I can understand why you are torn. I am really close to my dad, and even though I am my own person who really values their independence, if I knew he disapproved of something it would still really bother me. 

That being said though, I think you should do what feels “right” to you and your SO. Even if your parents are a bit concerned about you getting married so young, at least they should be happy that you plan to have a long engagement. That will give you plenty of time to plan and plenty of time for them to get used to the idea that their daughter is getting married. 

Post # 6
Member
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You cannot plan your whole life around your parents. FIs parents didn’t want us to get engaged (we are the same age as you and will be getting married at 24), but it isn’t their decision. You live on your own and, while I understand you want to be respectful of your parents, you need to live your own life. Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Do what you want to do! I am sure when it actually happens they will be more then happy for you guys! I personally dont think that 23 is too young at all, I am 20 and already engaged, and have our own house (FI is 24). Do what will make you happy!

Post # 8
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m a big advocate of it’s not age, it’s the couple. My parents got married after they knew each other for 6 months when they were 20 and 21, and they’re still together after 28 years. I don’t think your engagement and marriage should be about anyone except the two of you. Your parents won’t always be there to tell you what to do, and you guys are pretty independent to begin with. You’re already living together, supporting each other, and committed to each other. The only thing missing is a wedding. If it’s a cultural thing, it may be more complicated, but I say do what you know is best for you.

Post # 9
Member
1459 posts
Bumble bee

My parents were married at 22 and 22.  My grandparents at 15 and 19.  Parents have been married 42 years and grandparents were married 54 years.  In fact grandma had to run across state line and lie about her age to get married (that sounds so backwoods LOL).  Anyway, my point is neither of their parents were thrilled, but they came around and each let happy fufilled lives.

Post # 10
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m not from your culture but one where you really respect your elders. I completely understand why you feel this way. However, that being said, if you are old enough to get married you don’t really need your parents approval. I don’t really see the difference anyway because you’re already living together etc. so it’s not like they don’t like how your relationship is progressing. 

Maybe they think you’ll have kids soon after? Or maybe they think that you will both grow apart and you should give it some more time?

At 21/22 I was dating a guy who at the time I thought I would be with forever. My parents were really unhappy with it and didn’t like the idea of me being tied down so young. I didn’t get it then but I totally get it now, 8 years later. We broke up when i was 23. I’m not saying that this is the case with your relationship but just giving you something to think about. 

 

Post # 12
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’m 20 and I am hoping to be engaged sometime next year (when I’m 21) and then a two year engagement, which makes me married by 23, 24 at the latest. My SO will be 28, 29 by the oldest. I don’t think age has anything to do with marriage. It is the joining of two mature, loving adults into one and building a life together.

Post # 13
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Well in the end I think you have to live your life #1 for you.
BUT I understand where you’re coming from and maybe you could compromise and get engaged sooner and married later (and meanwhile do the house thing) or wait until you’ve bought your house and wait to get engaged and have a shorter engagement or some compromise that will hopefully grow on them.

Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@sugarcube: That is even stranger then. Maybe they really don’t think you will buy a house, although maybe you should ‘look’ and see how they react. I understand that their approval is important to you but in the end you are going to do things in your life that they disagree with and they will just have to accept that.

Post # 16
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

It’s like a wrote this post. As difficult as it might be I don’t think you should delay your engagement, do you feel it’s too young? It’s your marriage and your life and you won’t get those years back, both your parents will come around sooner or later.

In my case we were picture the worst case scenerio, parents screaming, not talking to us and refusing to go to the wedding, so far it’s been really easy, they weren’t exactly jumping up and down, but it was waaay better than we pictured.

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