(Closed) Should I "diss-bridemaid" her?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Well, you asked her to be a bm, which means you most likely wanted her standing up next to you.  Pregnancy should not change that.  I promise you will still be the focus on your wedding day.  If it is a question of whether she can do it or not, based upon when she is due, then that is a question she needs to answer!  Not something you decide for her…

Please remain supportive of her, and her situation.  Good luck

Post # 4
Member
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Ask her what she would prefer to do in this situation, and do that. If you ask her to step down as a bridesmaid without her suggesting it, I don’t know how well that will go over, but if she says she won’t be up to the task, there is your out. However, if she does want to still be a bridesmaid, suck it up and deal. The focus will still be on you, as it is your wedding.

Post # 5
Member
598 posts
Busy bee

@AluvsN4eva:  Well that sure was pretty damn irresponsible on her end. I’d feel pretty offended I guess. Has it actually been confirmed that she is pregnant? Maybe some weird hormonal issue that made her miss her period? (wishful thinking)

You can always kindly ask her “Now that you are pregnant, maybe you have second thoughts about being in my bridal party since you will be 8 months pregnant by then. I don’t want to put too much strain on you on the wedding day to be running around for photos and everything.” Maybe she’ll back out and you wont have to feel guilty (again wishful thinking lol!)

If it were me, I would simply put her in a babydoll type bridesmaids dress to try and make her look as appealing as possible with an 8 month sized tummy. Plus I wouldn’t want to insult her or my SO’s family by kicking her out because she is pregnant. At least your future niece/nephew would essentially be in the bridal party too! You agreed to have her as your bridesmaid, if you did truly care for her then her pregnancy shouldn’t really have a say on whether you should remove her from the party. At least the pics wont look too bad from the front!

Post # 6
Member
9552 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Definatley do not dis-invite her!!! I just found out that 2 of my 3 bridesmaids are pregnant! Being pregnant doesn’t change who she is, so it shouldn’t change if you want her as a bridesmaid. Now if she doesn’t think she will be able to handle it then she has the right to back down, but I think it would be a bad idea for you to ask her to step down. You’ll still be the bride and the center of attention and all that. But she’s family. And you asked her to be in the wedding. And a pregnancy shouldn’t change that.

Post # 7
Member
9209 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@Stranger516:  What?  You’d be offended that FI’s sister dared to get pregnant without permission from the bride?  Ummmm… 

OP, I’d just talk to her.  Chances are, she’d be more comfortable not standing up in front of everyone, and having a bunch of responsibilities, while 8 months preggers.

Post # 8
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I honestly don’t see why she’d need to be “dis-bridesmaided” just for being pregnant.  No one is going to get confused into thinking they’re at a baby shower instead of a wedding, and all eyes will indeed still be on you.

Of course people will talk to her about her soon-to-arrive baby, and will give her some attention, but people are going to talk about stuff other than you at your wedding anyway. It’s what people do when they get together.  They congratulate whoever has a new job or graduated school, and make a fuss over whoever’s lost a lot of weight or gotten a new hairdo.  They socialize and enjoy eachother. And that’s going to happen, pregnant bridesmaid or no.

I really think you should make no changes in your wedding party, except perhaps (and only perhaps) choosing a more flowy bridesmaids dress that might be more comfortable on your heavily pregnant bridesmaid. And that’s just a maybe. Women all over the world face far bigger hardships when pregnant than having to stand up in a wedding ceremony and wear a dress that might be a bit snug around the middle.

And I wouldn’t even have the “if it’s more comfortable for you to step down” discussion with her because it sounds like this wasn’t a planned pregnancy, so she’s probably taking a lot of heat to begin with; any conversation you have with her, even if you’re genuinely concerned for her well-being and comfort (which your post does not sound like is the case), will be recieved as kicking her out.  She’ll be able to figure out on her own if she’s able to stand in the wedding party.  Let her make that decision. Don’t make it for her.

Post # 9
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

let her chose.

Post # 10
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Let her decide! If she doesn’t feel comfortable standing up for you that day or having any responsilbities then she should decide that, not you! You’ve asked her to be your bm already. Honestly It’s probably better that she found out now since your dresses aren’t ordered yet!

She will not steal the spotlight on your big day! You will be the one celebrating your love and wearing a beautiful dress. Be happy for her that she can have a baby, some women can’t even do that! So what if she’s 19!

Post # 11
Member
598 posts
Busy bee

@lolot:  Umm no I didn’t mean it like that. In the end it is your day though so that wont be an issue. She can obviously do whatever she wants, and her getting pregnant should really have nothing to do with her being in your wedding party. Pregnant or not, you still asked her to be in your wedding party. Like I said she may not even want to be in the wedding party by then anyway. If anything it is a bit rude to kick her out just because she is pregnant.

Post # 12
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I had 3 pregnant girls in my bridal party….it all worked out just great.  No one “stole” any one else’s “thunder” or anything like that.  I wouldn’t worry about it but you can always let her choose if she think it will be too much for her. 

Post # 13
Member
4511 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You don’t kick her out — if she needs to drop out, she will.

Post # 14
Member
2708 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@fishbone:  <– THIS.

Definitetly don’t ask her to step down.  Removing someone from your bridal party is very rude and will seriously damage the relationship.  And since she is family, not only will it damage your relationship with her, but it will create drama within the entire family. If she decides she can’t handle being pregnant and being in your wedding, she’ll let you know.

Post # 15
Member
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Stranger516:  way to be judgemental

 

ETA: OP, I would try talking to her and see what she wants to do/if she still feels up to standing up with you when she’ll be very near her due date on your day.  I’m sure plenty of people have had pregnant bridesmaids

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